Lizrd3000 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 My exgf broke up with me for vague reasons, but I'm positive she lost interest because of me being needy/clingy. Even NOW I'm clinging to hope that she'll realize what she's missing after some time, but this hope is killing me and making me depressed. we broke up exactly 3 weeks ago from a 6 months RS. I'm 18 she's 17. each others firsts and whatnot, which is probably why it's so hard on me. Please give me some words that'll kill my hope, share your stories about your ex losing interest and never coming back, please. I just want to move on and find happiness, I don't want to be sad over a girl. I'm hopeless and in tears, I want this hell to go away.
im_thedude Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Do you want to know what really ultimately killed my hope? Everyone on these forums kept telling me to initiate this rule of no contact. That cutting all ties is the best way to move on. I kept repeatedly breaking that rule of no contact. The first few weeks, I would call her every couple of days, trying my best to change her mind. I tried by reminiscing about the "good old days." I tried by guilt tripping her. I tried by plain old persuasion and telling her the grass won't be greener. I stopped direct contact after all those efforts turned out to be in vain. Though I kept some form of contact through repeatedly checking in on her social media accounts. And you know what killed my hope? Doing such thorough digging through her social media to the point I found out she was with some other dude, just weeks after being with me. The first photo I saw of her in a shirt he bought for her, with the caption reading "I miss you dear." And knowing that I wasn't the man she claimed to be missing. That killed all hope. The book really does close when a relationship ends. It's not going to be re-opened. 1
Author Lizrd3000 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Thanks for your story, happy to hear your hope is gone, it's a good thing actually. hope keeps you from recovering (atleast it does for me) I've initated LC the first week post break-up, and NC 2 weeks after that LC week. I have to admit though, I'm constantly looking on my phone to see if she's online on whatsapp for NO reason, I don't even know why. I'm also looking through her FB as I have her password. I found out she kissed a guy 3 days after we broke up with a guy from her class, which indicates **** was going on while we were together. I lost hope when I read that.. until I scrolled down and saw her say that the guy doesn't nearly kiss as good as I did. this got my hope up again, **** my life. this was from a chat she had with a friend of hers. Man I'm pathetic, I don't like hacking into her fb, but nothing is really stopping me, and the devil inside me just really doesn't care, lol. I wish she could hurt me so badly that I didn't even want her back, but thing is, our break-up was peaceful and even fun.. and she cried too. stupid mixed feelings. she also says she misses holding me etc. oh well, I'm just venting. can't wait to read more stories and/or tips!
aaron11892 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 My ex gave me her password aswell but she changed it a few days before the break up, possibly because she was preparing for it. I still had her twin sisters password though, don't ask how i got it, it was a drunk night and ended up going on my phone onto her facebook and told me her password lol Anyway 2 weeks after the break up, all i kept doing was going on her sisters facebook to check on my ex. the first few days she was just uploading pictures of herself. Pictures she used to send to me months ago but never uploaded before. With captions such as "I am happy!" or anything trying to show she is relieved to get rid of me. It hurt so much seeing she wasn't in any pain like I was and she had no regrets. I knew I was never going to heal if I kept doing this but didn't know how to stop. All I did was change her password so she would realise her password has changed and she would change it to something I didn't know. Done. Never accessed the profile again and don't know what my ex is doing, I don't want to know either. 1.5 months after the break up now and I am feeling a lot better. I've had fun with friends, got a new job and generally the love for her is fading each day. I don't think I would have been able to come this far if I still had access to her facebook via her sisters account. 1
PR08 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I'm also looking through her FB as I have her password. Man I'm pathetic, I don't like hacking into her fb, but nothing is really stopping me, and the devil inside me just really doesn't care, lol Tough love time... You need to stop doing that immediately. I have personally never understood couples who share passwords with each other so that each can log into each other's emails, social media accounts, phones, etc. But that's by-the-by. Nothing is really stopping you? Of course. You can't expect some Big Brother to step in and stop it for you. You have to find the willpower inside you to actually take some responsibility and stop yourself. If you keep doing this sort of thing, you will never, ever heal. I 100% guarantee you that. 1
Author Lizrd3000 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Thanks guys, appreciate your input and stories. I'll have to stop myself from getting into her account, you're right. I'll also remove her from whatsapp, thing is, we have the same friends and we both are in group-chats with them. and I don't wanna lose my friends over her. Oh well, I'll do the best I can to get the hell rid of her in any possible way without it affecting my friends. I've promised this to myself NOW. Again, thanks guys.
mea_M Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Thanks guys, appreciate your input and stories. I'll have to stop myself from getting into her account, you're right. I'll also remove her from whatsapp, thing is, we have the same friends and we both are in group-chats with them. and I don't wanna lose my friends over her. Oh well, I'll do the best I can to get the hell rid of her in any possible way without it affecting my friends. I've promised this to myself NOW. Again, thanks guys. You can do it lizard. Removing or simply removing her from whatsapp is such a good idea. I actually deleted that app. I had someone who wanted to stay in touch with me and I realized that is was unhealthy. Since I only had a hand full of people who even use it, just made sense to delete. Bam! Problemo solved. Hang tight. Mea :-) 1
PR08 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Thanks guys, appreciate your input and stories. I'll have to stop myself from getting into her account, you're right. I'll also remove her from whatsapp, thing is, we have the same friends and we both are in group-chats with them. and I don't wanna lose my friends over her. Oh well, I'll do the best I can to get the hell rid of her in any possible way without it affecting my friends. I've promised this to myself NOW. Again, thanks guys. Everyone is strong enough to get over a relationship; it's whether or not you can be bothered to do so, physically making the decision to move on. I guarantee you, this is something you will look back on and cringe within a year or two! 1
Blastoplast Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Dont' get your hopes up. You're young and naive -- but there are great things to being young and inexperienced... You have SO much to experience! The day is bright and full of wonders, and there is so much to learn and experience for yourself. My EX started losing interest in me because -- and the break-up was devastating. I was with the same woman for 1/4th of my life, she was my first love. I had NO idea what I would do without her... But I pressed on, learned a lot about myself and now I'm more confident than ever, and dating a woman who is twice the woman than my EX ever was and ever will be. Where will it lead? I don't know, but I'm enjoying the ride 2
AnyaNova Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 We could give you every twisted form of "it's over," and "She's currently with another man who fills her every need intellectually, romantically, soulfully, spiritually, and sexually so much better than you could. etc. ad nauseum." But nothing we say is ultimately going to help with this. Killing the hope, once and for all (and sometimes it resurrects, the nasty little bugger! And then you have to kill it again, welcome to my life) is your work and your job, and no amount of words we say, (write) will be able to accomplish this for you What we can do is offer sympathy and empathy. We are all in similar boats, just differently decorated and different histories through different waters. Take care of yourself. I wish I could say or do the magic thing that would help with this. But there is nothing for it but time, and getting to the point where you are willing to sacrifice the hope on the altar of not suffering any more for this. 1
DannyCA Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) It's been almost 9 months since my ex (20) and I (22) have split. I'm a liar if I said I am completely over her (even though we've been split longer than we dated.) But we've been in NC for 2 months and I did things to help me through this. I've been talking and seeing other women. I've been working out more. I've been spending time with friends. I've been picking up new hobbies. I deleted my FB and unfollowed her and her bestfriend from IG so I don't see what they are up to. There's always going to be a part of you that wants her back or at least looks back at the good times you had. Personally for me, I still want her back because we never got to reach our full potential seeing how we were 1,000 miles away from each other for most of our relationship but we still worked so damn well together. But in the end what keeps me going is the fact that I know I will meet someone who is better than her and that I will love her more than I ever did my ex. I have to move on with my life no matter how much I want my ex back. If my ex and I some how miraculously cross paths again and it works out that would be amazing, but for the foreseeable future, I have to and need to accept that we will never be together again and just live. Someone hit me with some hard truth the other day, this is what they said: "I take a page from cav. Assume the worst. She is with someone else. She is doing/saying the same things she did or said to/with you. She loves the new guy more than you. What she has now is even more special than what you had. She likes having sex with him more than she did you. Am I harsh? Too bad. You got to be tougher because life is even harsher than I am. Now grow a pair. Move on. She did. She's happy. She's not thinking of you at all. She already gave up on the relationship now it's time you give up on her. Time to let go and not look back." Edited October 22, 2013 by DannyCA 1
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