Author tycore Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 That makes a lot of sense. He asks girls out and takes initiative, and both him and I have always thought that was enough. What I don't get it while there are guys like you mentioned, that plug away persistently, lots of guys who have had girlfriends, myself included, weren't all that aggressive. I asked my girlfriend out on our first date, but that was all I needed. She was always responsive, texted me a lot, made moves on me like I did on her, etc. It was very mutual. My friend has taken risks and put himself out there in ways myself or most other guys I know with girlfriends have never done, like I never randomly approached a girl in a bar or shop, but my friend has. Based on your post, and thinking about it myself, I've always wondered if most women expect him to be far more assertive than they would with other guys. Like, they see one guy they like and once he gets over the barrier of approaching her and talking to her, she'll take some initiative herself. But if a girl sees my friend, she'll think that if he likes her, he'll do all the work because he's that kind of guy, so she'll become submissive. Unfortunately, he's not that kind of guy because he's polite and doesn't want to cross lines too fast, so they both misread each other and nothing more happens. I say this for a few reasons. I mentioned he's a good looking man, but in a different way. Like not in a cute hunky Brad Pitt way but more old world handsome, like I always said he looked like a king. There's no freakin way women can say he's unattractive, yet they're not all over him like you'd expect with a good looking guy. The other reason is there have been times where we've been out, mostly back in college or just after college so not in the past few years, when he went up to girls and was kissing them within a few minutes and took them home soon after. Afterwards I'd ask him about it all, and he'd say he was just incredibly blunt with them. However, he didn't like being this way, and the girls he hooked up with those times weren't the types he'd want as girlfriends. He hasn't done this in a while. I don't know if he still can or not. Instead, he just tries to talk to girls he likes, but as we know that doesn't work. Is there any way people get over the late bloomer issue? I agree that could also be a major source of his issues. He's smart enough to understand it but it could just be that he never learned the basics of being a teenage guy and is still stuck in that mindset.
Imajerk17 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Well, one of the things I've noticed about women is that they tend to be very self-protective, in ways that don't serve them. They seem to be terrified of the embarrassment of rejection. Read the threads on here--so many women on here are obsessed with wondering if the guy they are talking to is into them, without wondering *why* he should be really into them at this point. We guys tend to not work like that. We only really want her to give us a chance. If we're getting that from her, then we'll keep plugging away. Anyway, this fear of rejection causes many a girl to make some crazy decisions. On the one hand she might write off a guy (such as your friend perhaps) as "gay" or "not interested" if he doesn't push for sex early on, and on the other hand she is wondering why every guy she is with only seems to wants her for sex. It doesn't seem to occur to her that the reason why she always seems to get involved with losers and douches is because of her picker. I'm not talking about all girls, but many. They would be better off if they thought through their screening mechanisms more. So your friend asks girls out--how do his dates go? How far does he get with girls? As in approach but no number, approach and number but no date, approach and number and one date but that's it...where are things falling flat for him? Edited October 22, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
Author tycore Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I've seen a lot of what you described - a girl saying she wants a good guy that doesn't only look at her as a sex object, but she never gives that guy a chance since he doesn't jump on her right away. It's not necessarily insecurity, just respecting bounds...and wanting to avoid date rape accusations. Lately, my friend had managed to go on at least one date with girls he asks out, unless she turns him down initially because she has a boyfriend that he didn't know about. I'm not sure where things die out after that. It seems like most times he doesn't get past 3 dates. I do know that it's rarely clear when it ends. It ended clear one time when he met this girl on the train about a year ago and got a drink with her after their stop, then got her number. They went on one date, and at the end she told him that she was willing to try a date with him since he seemed like a cool guy, but she just broke up with her boyfriend and realized during the date that she wasn't ready to date yet. He came back and was actually happy that she was clear and honest with him, because he's had so many dates that ended so muddled. Over the summer he got stood up by a girl for their 3rd date. He showed me their text convo, and the last thing she ever sent him was along the lines of "really excited to see you again!" an hour before their date. She also said all these good things about him earlier in the convo, calling him attractive, smart, funny, etc. Couldn't explain that at all. Another girl whose number he got about a year ago too asked him to get a drink with her one night. He went, greeted her, she immediately went to the bathroom and was gone for 15 min. He went looking for her and found her with another guy. He left, obviously. So, he's had a lot of bad dates, and might expect them and be hardened to them by this point. He's seeing a new girl now. Took her out twice so far. He said both times they held hands, kissed, that kind of thing. I hope this one works out for him.
Els Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Sounds like my SO to a tee. He's either targeting the wrong women... or none at all.
Author tycore Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 He's definitely targeted some wrong women like the ones I described. My gf and I suggested a while ago he go on as many dates as possible just to get experience. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea? They haven't been all bad, though. It's been a while since he's been flat out rejected by a decent girl, since it seems like he hasn't been on a date with a decent girl in a while, but it used to happen. In college or our first years working I'd encourage him to ask out certain girls that I thought would be good for him, because I knew them to be decent girls that wouldn't stand him up or anything. They all turned him down, and then went on to date other guys that really weren't all that different from him IMO.
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