My friend has quiet confidence

[tycore]

My best friend and roommate for two years is one of the best guys I know. He's done a ton for my girlfriend and I and he's the kind of guy where you know you can rely on him for anything. He doesn't have a ton of friends but I know he has a few other close friends from before I knew him that feel the same way. He's a cool guy, tough, smart and skilled in lots of ways, a great musician, great writer, funny and witty, loves cars...he even rides a motorcycle, shouldn't that be a huge chick magnet? I discover new things he can do or knows about all the time. He's confident, but not cocky. He does what he likes to do and he doesn't care about impressing others. He's a very humble guy.

 

Unfortunately, my friend is lonely. He doesn't complain and does his best to be happy and optimistic around others, but I've known him long enough to tell that something's eating at him. He's almost 27 and has never had a relationship of his own. He's told me enough for me to know he wants one, and I honestly have no idea why he hasn't found one. Women should be lining up for him. He's a really handsome guy too and really should have women showing their interest to him or asking him out but from what he tells me they don't. I know he puts himself out there, too. I've seen him approach and talk to women, better than me when at the times when I was single. He doesn't try any canned lines or anything...he's just himself and really that should be enough to make women interested. He can get dates but they never seem to last more than a few. He hardly ever brings girls over our place for the night either so I don't even think he's getting to the point of having sex with them.

 

My girlfriend and I want him to meet someone. He's been an amazing friend, so I can only imagine what kind of boyfriend he could be for a girl he cared about. We've talked about it and the only things we can think are happening is either he's had a terrible streak of targeting the wrong girls who don't want a guy like him, or women aren't used to his kind of demeanor and personality and read him wrong. He has a quiet confidence about him, and a lot of guys you run into around here have a louder and more boastful kind of confidence. I know my girlfriend doesn't think this because she knows him well, but can women who first meet him think he's insecure because he doesn't talk a ton right away or brag? I thought women liked mysterious guys who are more of the strong and silent type? And I don't mean to give the impression that he doesn't talk. He does...but he's humble and polite. What can I do for him?

[tlegend]

Sounds like he is targetting the wrong women.....or you are being too nice in your description.

 

Maybe you could make it fun. Turn it into a dating game, or something where you narrow down a date for him. Although you may think he needs a girlfriend, maybe he doesn't want one?

 

Either way, you're just as good a friend as he is for worrying about his well-being.

[soccerrprp]

I apologize, but this silent confidence stuff is meaningless if it never exhibits itself overtly. He sounds shy, insecure and quiet. If you think this is silent confidence, I honestly believe you are doing him a disservice. If he's so handsome and confident, as you said, girls should be interested, but they're not. Does he "go after" girls?

 

Try looking at an insecure perspective and help him from there.

 

Good luck.

[tycore]

Sounds like he is targetting the wrong women.....or you are being too nice in your description.

 

Maybe you could make it fun. Turn it into a dating game, or something where you narrow down a date for him. Although you may think he needs a girlfriend, maybe he doesn't want one?

 

Either way, you're just as good a friend as he is for worrying about his well-being.

 

He wants a girlfriend. He doesn't bring it up with me that often but he says that he'd like to see what the other non-single side of life is like, since he's always been single. I guess I'm on here to try to find ways to get him to date more, like you mentioned in the dating game thing. Thing is, he doesn't really need me for that. He can find girls on his own. He knows what he wants more than I know what he wants, but I'm wondering why he hasn't had one attempt that turned into something long-term.

 

And thanks for the compliment. It's really the least I can do for this guy.

 

I apologize, but this silent confidence stuff is meaningless if it never exhibits itself overtly. He sounds shy, insecure and quiet. If you think this is silent confidence, I honestly believe you are doing him a disservice. If he's so handsome and confident, as you said, girls should be interested, but they're not. Does he "go after" girls?

 

Try looking at an insecure perspective and help him from there.

 

Good luck.

 

This is what I'm concerned about, that people could think of him as insecure. To be honest with you, looking at him from an insecure perspective would be even more puzzling since there are so many actions he's done that speak otherwise. He's stood up for himself, me, my girlfriend, and his other good friends many clutch times. The guy once broke his hand on account of me when he stepped in and defended me when I got into some trouble with some guys. He's been a leader and a teacher for a lot of us and is always cool and collected under pressure. He generally has been focused on his own pursuits for his own happiness and doesn't really care about money or popularity he can get from them. When it comes to women, yes, he's gone after them. No, he's obviously not a player who goes to a bar and talks to everyone and gets a ton of numbers. Whenever we go out, I've almost always seen him approach at least one girl a night. He doesn't talk to that many, but when he sees the one he wants he puts his drink down and walks over to her and says hi without much hesitation.

 

That's enough for me to call him confident, and I call it a quiet confidence because it's less showy and noticeable for most people. It's a kind of confidence more visible through character traits than words.

[Phoe]

The quiet confident types are the kind I always end up with crushes on.. it reads as shy to many, but I see past that.

 

He's likely targeting the wrong women.

[tycore]

Yeah that's what I figure, though it's hard to figure out why they're wrong. I haven't seen all the girls he's approached or gone on dates with, but from what I've seen, it's hard to draw any common traits between them. It's not like they're all hot party girls, in fact the ones I've seen usually aren't the types you'd expect to find in bars. Some are a little more artsy, which you think would be good for him.

[SJC2008]

He's probably got physical and emotional intimacy issues that are holding him back. If he does they're probably subconscious and he isn't aware of them. Most people have emotional initimacy issues but when you have both like I do it spells disaster!

[tycore]

What kind of issues? Do you mean in the sense that he doesn't desire or invite intimacy? He at least tells me he does and doesn't give me reason to believe otherwise. Then again, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. When I know he comes back from a date and I'm asking him questions about it, sometimes he'll tell me he made out with the girl. Again, no idea what's fully going on there, but from what he's told me and how he behaves, he wants intimacy.

[gaius]

He's already banging your girlfriend. Seriously though, don't concern yourself with other guys when women are around. It will always bite you in the ass.

[SJC2008]

What kind of issues? Do you mean in the sense that he doesn't desire or invite intimacy? He at least tells me he does and doesn't give me reason to believe otherwise. Then again, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. When I know he comes back from a date and I'm asking him questions about it, sometimes he'll tell me he made out with the girl. Again, no idea what's fully going on there, but from what he's told me and how he behaves, he wants intimacy.

 

Let me backtrack and say could have instead of probably has. I'm no expert but I can relate as I'm in a similar situation and I'm 5 years older.

 

I don't want to go off on a psychology rant but if someone makes it to their mid 20's + without an R. There's probably an underlying issue. Do you know his sexual hitory??

[tycore]

He's already banging your girlfriend. Seriously though, don't concern yourself with other guys when women are around. It will always bite you in the ass.

 

Lol yeah right. But why not concern myself? What could bite me in the ass with my friend?

 

Let me backtrack and say could have instead of probably has. I'm no expert but I can relate as I'm in a similar situation and I'm 5 years older.

 

I don't want to go off on a psychology rant but if someone makes it to their mid 20's + without an R. There's probably an underlying issue. Do you know his sexual hitory??

 

He hooked up with a few girls we knew back in college...kinda just as flings. Then out of college my girlfriend hooked him up with one of her friends. He was happy for a few months but then the girl turned on him all of a sudden and things got terrible with her. I saw most of it first hand. That's one reason I think he doesn't have intimacy problems. He got it on fine with this girl for a while and she seemed really satisfied...she talked about him all the time to my girlfriend. Then she got pissed at something stupid and took it all out on him. Besides her, I don't know any of the other girls he's been with that well. He's also mentioned that he was a late bloomer too and didn't even kiss or go on a date until college, if that makes a difference.

[tlegend]

Ok so basically....you just confirmed that he has some underlying issues preventing him from actively pursuing a relationship with someone?

 

Sounds like a problem you may not be able to provide an answer for pal.

 

He may need to seek therapy, or maybe he just hasn't found the right girl and he's very picky...

[tycore]

Ok so basically....you just confirmed that he has some underlying issues preventing him from actively pursuing a relationship with someone?

 

Sounds like a problem you may not be able to provide an answer for pal.

 

He may need to seek therapy, or maybe he just hasn't found the right girl and he's very picky...

 

Sorry, but could you point out where exactly I confirmed that he has issues?

[tlegend]

Sorry, but could you point out where exactly I confirmed that he has issues?

 

Ooof my bad, I read your post wrong. I thought you had said "I think thats why he has intimacy issues", instead of " doesn't have".

[todreaminblue]

Sorry, but could you point out where exactly I confirmed that he has issues?

 

 

when girls turn on guys if they are good hearted guys it can inflict damage and create issues.......maybe that is what the poster meant by issues

 

i once knew the guy who was so damaged from being ridiculed about size and being a crap lover.....he was just alittle bigger than average....he was very hesitant actually known a few.. who thought they werent able to satisfy..... some developed erectile dysfunction i am using this an a physical example......it took a lot for these guys to be convinced they were actually possible of being the best lovers a woman would want....about triple the time it took to put them down.....they developed or inherited a certain shyness...these guys were good looking had good jobs ....and were great guys they were confident in every other aspect of their lives....not with women...this does happen......one woman can do damage....sounds like maybe he is a bit gun shy...it would come across on approach..that woman that turned on him gave him shyness ....hesitation...deb

[tycore]

Ooof my bad, I read your post wrong. I thought you had said "I think thats why he has intimacy issues", instead of " doesn't have".

 

Ah ok...no problemo.

 

when girls turn on guys if they are good hearted guys it can inflict damage and create issues.......maybe that is what the poster meant by issues

 

i once knew the guy who was so damaged from being ridiculed about size and being a crap lover.....he was just alittle bigger than average....he was very hesitant actually known a few.. who thought they werent able to satisfy..... some developed erectile dysfunction i am using this an a physical example......it took a lot for these guys to be convinced they were actually possible of being the best lovers a woman would want....about triple the time it took to put them down.....they developed or inherited a certain shyness...these guys were good looking had good jobs ....and were great guys they were confident in every other aspect of their lives....not with women...this does happen......one woman can do damage....sounds like maybe he is a bit gun shy...it would come across on approach..that woman that turned on him gave him shyness ....hesitation...deb

 

He was definitely hurt by her, for a time. He talked with me about the whole thing after it was over. Their problem wasn't sexual, I can tell you that, in fact he seems very comfortable with himself sexually in general. She was very insensitive to his mother being sick and was annoyed when he was spending less time with her for his mother instead. He was going through a rough time and she only made it worse. I don't need to tell you that their dating ended soon after that.

 

So yeah, I'm sure that hurt him, but that was years ago, and since then he's gone for a number of women.

[todreaminblue]

Ah ok...no problemo.

 

 

 

He was definitely hurt by her, for a time. He talked with me about the whole thing after it was over. Their problem wasn't sexual, I can tell you that, in fact he seems very comfortable with himself sexually in general. She was very insensitive to his mother being sick and was annoyed when he was spending less time with her for his mother instead. He was going through a rough time and she only made it worse. I don't need to tell you that their dating ended soon after that.

 

So yeah, I'm sure that hurt him, but that was years ago, and since then he's gone for a number of women.

 

 

 

i only used the physical sex side as an example that affects the emotional.....your flatmate sounds like a genuine guy......its a shame he hasnt met the right girl for him....but one thing is for sure that girl is out there...thats a positive..................maybe just go more places with him .....smilin...do the dreaded blind date thing......lol....sure he will love you for it....;0) ......maybe organize group outings....its always more relaxed if you are doing something fun.....and include a woman you know fairly well or your gf knows who you both feel might get along with him and have fun with him.....that way there is no pressure.....

 

 

 

you said he rides motorbikes...maybe rally car driving you need a navigator...so find a woman to navigate..and have a fun day out with your group or trail biking with a picnic on a mountain side with an awesome view to talk about...and the food make it rock..homemade submarine baguettes ,muffins packed with blueberries .....raspberries and fresh cream......make it aprhodisical fun...food wise....keep it g..... cold smoked ham, cheese(dont forget cheese),luscious fruit....... and icy cold juice....... right in the middle of an adventure ...........ok i gave an example of things i find fun ...but you know what he likes so do that.....

 

 

 

interference is different to genuine.......matchmaking....lol....there's no pressure behind matchmaking you put two people together by stealth and watch fireworks sizzle.....or not....

 

 

 

better to put the fireworks in a group situation....they light easier...others can even set them off......with joking and light hearted good natured ribbing....tesing and jokes abound...count on a rockign view, a lunch to die for ...and good friends with conversation that flows liek water ...sounds like the perfect recipe....i wish you, your gf and your flatmate well....deb

Edited October 22, 2013 by todreaminblue

[ascendotum]

He's stood up for himself, me, my girlfriend, and his other good friends many clutch times.

..The guy once broke his hand on account of me

..is always cool and collected under pressure

The girls he meets when out don't know that and likely don't care in terms of his attraction. All they have to go on is how he is presenting himself there & then. I've know a few 'good on paper' guys like this and imo it has been a mixture of:

* Boring conversationalist (topics & style/mannerisms)

* Zero game when it came to generating attraction

* Blah style in the way they dressed. Cheap was their priority when it came to fashion

* Late bloomer. I think falling behind your peers in your teens does impact on your personality & confidence for a long time unless or until you get success (and success means getting the girls you want not just getting a gf)

* Confident but generally only around friends. When it came to women they were a bit insecure (lack of success will do that). They were certainly not doormats like the cliche descriptions of 'nice guy' you see on these forums but they were not assertive. Some of them were waiting for good strong IOIs from the girls to realize they were a good chance with the girl, and they just never got them. Girls were neutral friendly or just had a mildly interested but 'whatever' attitude to them.

* I suspected a couple were also somewhat fussy in the type of girl they wanted. A couple really liked 'cute sweet girl next door' types, but just couldn't generate the 'amazing chemistry' for these chicks who would have no shortage of options

Edited October 22, 2013 by ascendotum

[GravityMan]

I find it a bit odd that your friend doesn't have very many friends, considering how you described him. Makes me wonder if he comes across a bit reserved or distant when talking to women (or strangers in general). If so, that can be detrimental in forming the emotional connections needed to build and maintain intimate relationships. A truly confident person is willing to show a bit of his vulnerable side to the right people. Some people may know the right words to say in a conversation, but they are poor at actually engaging the other person, and therefore may be classified as boring, sterile or aloof.

 

I also wonder about his sense of humor. You state that he is funny, which is good. But humor comes in many different flavors and some types are unlikely to be palatable to the majority of women. Does he have a knack of making women genuinely laugh easily? Do his attempts at humor and wit feel natural and in-the-moment, or forced? Forced humor usually comes off awkward and may generate fake amusement or laughter.

 

It's very good that your friend seems to treat women like normal people instead of sex objects. However, it's still important that he expresses interest and desire in the woman, both during the initial approach and during dates. Some direction is needed. Otherwise the woman may get mixed signals and ultimately conclude that your friend isn't all that into her. Does he occasionally lightly flirt with and lightly tease the women he approaches? Again it's important that this all feel natural and unforced.

 

I also agree with the point someone else made...some people are confident around their friends, or at work, or when doing their hobby...but when it comes to a woman he's attracted to, that confidence flies out the window.

 

His age may be an issue. 27 isn't old obviously, but it is old enough where it may be difficult to overcome whatever psychological "roadblocks" (if any) he has that was preventing him from having a committed relationship in his teens and early 20s. I believe part of learning about yourself is figuring out what kind of women you connect well with, and it's easier to do that between the ages of 15 and 25.

 

Lastly, try not to get too closely involved or pushy with your friend's issue, unless he specifically asks you or your GF to help him out. That may cause resentment. This is his "battle".

[theediblewoman]

Hmmm...kind of reminds me of my boyfriend! When I met him he was 30 and had never had a relationship longer than 6 months, but he is such an awesome guy and boyfriend. Like your friend very confident, has varied interest, funny...basically a good person like your friend, but he had trouble finding someone that he was interested in dating long term. He said that for him because he's so outgoing and social that he would attract a lot of girls that were reserved and kind of latched on to him. He felt they couldn't keep up with him and he got bored of them. Maybe he just hasn't met any one on his level yet, someone who can stand on their own and not drag him down.

[tycore]

Those are all good suggestions todreaminblue, and if I knew single girls I would hook him up, but I don't know any anymore outside of my girlfriend's friends. She has a ton of friends, but ever since she hooked him up with that girl a few years ago she hasn't hooked him or anyone else up. I'd push her more to bring her friends around to hang out with him, but she's a little bit justified in not wanting to hook him up again. Some of her single friends aren't necessarily the kinds of girls he needs, ie there's a chance something similar might happen as the other girl.

 

The girls he meets when out don't know that and likely don't care in terms of his attraction. All they have to go on is how he is presenting himself there & then. I've know a few 'good on paper' guys like this and imo it has been a mixture of:

 

Yeah that's what I've been considering too, that deep down he's a great guy and would be an awesome boyfriend but he might not be selling himself well. Some of the things you listed could apply to him but others don't...

 

* Boring conversationalist (topics & style/mannerisms)

 

I don't know how women respond to it, but he's witty and articulate when he talks. He does a good job at relating to what another person is talking about and always gives you the feeling he's listening. He's managed to use his conversation skills well in other ways like interviews, but I don't know how women take it. He makes some laugh, that's for sure.

 

* Zero game when it came to generating attraction

 

With game, I couldn't tell you. I never followed any game stuff myself since I always managed to be lucky enough to find a girl that was as forward as I was with our interest. I said before that he manages to get to kissing some of these girls so he can't be totally lacking game. There have been times I watched him when he was saying and doing the right things, but afterwards felt ****ty about it, like he wasn't being himself. So, he's got it in him, but he prefers to treat women like people instead of sex objects.

 

* Blah style in the way they dressed. Cheap was their priority when it came to fashion

 

Not this. He's a sharp dresser.

 

* Late bloomer. I think falling behind your peers in your teens does impact on your personality & confidence for a long time unless or until you get success (and success means getting the girls you want not just getting a gf)

 

This is definitely true. From what I've seen of old pictures and his high school stories, he's already changed a lot. I'm not sure what more he can do to overcome this.

 

* Confident but generally only around friends. When it came to women they were a bit insecure (lack of success will do that). They were certainly not doormats like the cliche descriptions of 'nice guy' you see on these forums but they were not assertive. Some of them were waiting for good strong IOIs from the girls to realize they were a good chance with the girl, and they just never got them. Girls were neutral friendly or just had a mildly interested but 'whatever' attitude to them.

 

I feel like he's definitely more comfortable around us. It might depend on the girl. A big part of it is her sense of humor, from what he's said. He's come to me a few times frustrated when his humor flies over a girl's head, or anyone really. A lot of people tend to warm up to him, though. We worked at the same place for a while and in the beginning the other workers didn't totally get his sense of humor because they had a tough time telling if he was serious or not. After a while, when they got a better gauge on him, he made them crack up with some of his comments, especially the girls. But yeah, if his humor isn't flying well he might choke a bit.

 

* I suspected a couple were also somewhat fussy in the type of girl they wanted. A couple really liked 'cute sweet girl next door' types, but just couldn't generate the 'amazing chemistry' for these chicks who would have no shortage of options

 

You can call him picky, or you can say he just has standards. There have been girls into him in the past, but ones that I don't blame him from staying away from.

 

I find it a bit odd that your friend doesn't have very many friends, considering how you described him. Makes me wonder if he comes across a bit reserved or distant when talking to women (or strangers in general). If so, that can be detrimental in forming the emotional connections needed to build and maintain intimate relationships. A truly confident person is willing to show a bit of his vulnerable side to the right people. Some people may know the right words to say in a conversation, but they are poor at actually engaging the other person, and therefore may be classified as boring, sterile or aloof.

 

It's quality over quantity for him. He'll admit himself that he's always had trouble fitting into any group for a long period of time, but always managed to pull a few very close friends from each group. I've been around him the most these past few years, but he has other friends elsewhere that I've met a few times that also think very highly of him. I don't think he has a problem showing a vulnerable side since he can easily laugh at himself, but communication and coming off as distant may be an issue.

 

I also wonder about his sense of humor. You state that he is funny, which is good. But humor comes in many different flavors and some types are unlikely to be palatable to the majority of women. Does he have a knack of making women genuinely laugh easily? Do his attempts at humor and wit feel natural and in-the-moment, or forced? Forced humor usually comes off awkward and may generate fake amusement or laughter.

 

See what I wrote above. His humor is always organic, but not every stranger will get it.

 

It's very good that your friend seems to treat women like normal people instead of sex objects. However, it's still important that he expresses interest and desire in the woman, both during the initial approach and during dates. Some direction is needed. Otherwise the woman may get mixed signals and ultimately conclude that your friend isn't all that into her. Does he occasionally lightly flirt with and lightly tease the women he approaches? Again it's important that this all feel natural and unforced.

 

Couldn't tell you. Again, this isn't something I know too much about or notice, since with my girlfriends the sexual interest was there from the start and we didn't bs around too much. So I'm not a good person to observe what he's doing.

 

I also agree with the point someone else made...some people are confident around their friends, or at work, or when doing their hobby...but when it comes to a woman he's attracted to, that confidence flies out the window.

 

See what I wrote above.

 

His age may be an issue. 27 isn't old obviously, but it is old enough where it may be difficult to overcome whatever psychological "roadblocks" (if any) he has that was preventing him from having a committed relationship in his teens and early 20s. I believe part of learning about yourself is figuring out what kind of women you connect well with, and it's easier to do that between the ages of 15 and 25.

 

I really hope it isn't too late for him.

 

Lastly, try not to get too closely involved or pushy with your friend's issue, unless he specifically asks you or your GF to help him out. That may cause resentment. This is his "battle".

 

I understand. He's asked me for help in the past, though only when I've brought it up first. I think it's hard for him to come right out and say it because he doesn't want to involve others in his problems, but I obviously don't mind and want to help him. Yes, it's his battle, but we've all had our own battles and he was there to help. He's part of the reason my gf and I have been together all this time, because some time ago we had a bad fight and I thought it was over but he talked with her and convinced her to come back. If he can help someone else's relationship, then he deserves one of his own.

 

Hmmm...kind of reminds me of my boyfriend! When I met him he was 30 and had never had a relationship longer than 6 months, but he is such an awesome guy and boyfriend. Like your friend very confident, has varied interest, funny...basically a good person like your friend, but he had trouble finding someone that he was interested in dating long term. He said that for him because he's so outgoing and social that he would attract a lot of girls that were reserved and kind of latched on to him. He felt they couldn't keep up with him and he got bored of them. Maybe he just hasn't met any one on his level yet, someone who can stand on their own and not drag him down.

 

This is uplifting. It may be part of the issue, but it's clearly not all in him being picky. There have been plenty of girls he liked a lot that just weren't into him or had their interest fizzle out quickly, but what you mentioned could be part of it. He's a unique dude and probably hasn't met a girl he's fully connected with yet, so maybe when he goes for girls he's not 100% committed?

[WhiteButton]

tycore,

 

I almost feel like you described me. I went through a long period where i did not date, but it did not bother me, i was just busy living the life. I also raiding sport motorcycles, racing, traveling etc. Eventually i just said to myself maybe ill put myself out there and see how the dating world goes, and i started meeting girls and with some i clicked with some i didnt.

 

I would say honestly he will just have to put him self out there more then he allready has, as aqward as it might be for him. Another advice would be, why dont you set him up with one of your girl friends. Put a good word for him, and see where it goes?

[tycore]

tycore,

 

I almost feel like you described me. I went through a long period where i did not date, but it did not bother me, i was just busy living the life. I also raiding sport motorcycles, racing, traveling etc. Eventually i just said to myself maybe ill put myself out there and see how the dating world goes, and i started meeting girls and with some i clicked with some i didnt.

 

I would say honestly he will just have to put him self out there more then he allready has, as aqward as it might be for him. Another advice would be, why dont you set him up with one of your girl friends. Put a good word for him, and see where it goes?

 

Good that someone can relate to him. If I had single female friends I'd throw them at him, but almost everyone we know, male or female, is in a relationship at this point. Plus, I don't have any single girl friends because after having a girlfriend for years you tend to not meet too many other girls, lol

[Divasu]

This could be a catch 22 for your friend. He's a solid guy, treats women with respect, all good things.

 

But, his "quietness" combined with his penchant for being a "good guy" may mean that he is not outwardly demonstrative of his interest (emotionally, physically or otherwise) and as a result, gets stuck so-to-speak.

 

If he's passive towards women in the initial stages (not to be confused with insecure) it will serve as a barrier either way and he is going to have to learn to overcome it. Even if he has women approaching him, it may not be the type of women he is interested in and leaves him less in control of finding/going after what he wants.

 

It sounds like he has many wonderful qualities but it may be hard for women, who don't know him initially, to know what those qualities are if he keeps them to himself. I'm a bit introverted in that sense too, with certain things, so I understand where he's coming from. Unfair as it is, women tend to get away with it more so because there will always be men out there who are outward and forward with their interest and will plug away at pushing through the barriers.

 

Not sure if any of that made sense but I hope it helped in some way.

[StanMusial]

The late bloomer issue would be 90%+ of the problem IMO. Still relatively inexperienced with girls, so he could be confident in himself in every aspect other than that. He's either going to have to date around some to learn some life lessons or find a special type of girl to have a good relationship with.