Does this guy think I am "too good" for him? Is that why he is distant?

[Kelly M]

Been friends with this guy for a short time, and he asked me out a lot and I rejected (it's a long story) but I had a reasonable explanation. I felt that we became closer cause he told his problems all the time. I noticed he self deprecated a lot, he would say he is a piece of sh*t and a bad guy, etc. I tried to convince him that he is not any of that, cause he felt so low about himself. I felt that our bond was stronger, and closer, but then he would ask me out, and then back out. He has a tough, open, exterior. He is the bold type. I was willing to date him since the drama that circled him was over. But then he layed it on me that he liked another girl, and I was crushed. He became distant though before this girl. He would barely call or text me, when he called me all the time. Then he started to become really distant. I am hurt, but then I found out behind my back he said to my guy friend that "Kelly is way too hot for Jake" "She is way too good for him" He didn't want my friend to set me up with this guy Jake. My friend said he was very angry and jealous, clearly.

Sorry had to repost cause my title was wrong!

 

That is the first I have ever heard a compliment from him! Why does he care who I date if he likes some other girl? He was saying "Don't set her up with Jake, she is way too good for him"

 

My question is though if a guy feels like he is too inadequate will he just distance himself from the girl? Like if he feels that the girl is "too good" for him? Cause like I said he feels very low about himself, so I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but my friend said he had a strong reaction, but yet he hasn't talked to me. Now what's funny is that he likes every picture of mine on Facebook and recently I put new pics and he liked them, but again he won't talk to me. So I wonder if it's because he feels that maybe I am stringing him along or if I am "too good" for him. ANy thoughts? Thank you! Much appreciated for answering!!!

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[tlegend]

You've turned him down multiple times......and now you're sad he has turned his attention to another girl?

 

Uh.....thats what happens when you turn us down.....we look elsewhere..

[KathyM]

Why do you care what he says or what he thinks if you turned him down repeatedly? He turned away from you because you rejected him. Are you wanting him now because he is no longer interested and instead is interested in someone else? Don't let your ego play with this guy's emotions and feelings. There was a reason you rejected him, so apparently you thought he was not a good match for whatever reason. I suggest you stick with that line of thinking and don't let your ego start to play games with this guy.

[truth_seeker]

You're crazy. The guy steps up and asks you out. You say no. He moves on and now you like him? I don't think you like him. I think you miss the fact that he turned his attention elsewhere and started to forget you.

 

He might be playing games here. You turned him down and now he's putting it out there he likes another girl to create jealousy... he likes your FB photos to make you think he's interested in you. Now, look at you... you're jealous and obsessing over him.

 

If his intent was to mind f-ck you - it worked.

[Kelly M]

You've turned him down multiple times......and now you're sad he has turned his attention to another girl?

 

Uh.....thats what happens when you turn us down.....we look elsewhere..

 

NO! I turned him down because of my friends. They were hounding me and saying how much of a bad guy he is, and such. They were convincing me he is bad news. Then my cousin said that she knew him and they had a little history and even though she is 25 now, they haven't seen each other since she was 17, and she has a boyfriend but she was convincing me that it would be "betrayal" on my part if I were to go out with him. Even though they never dated. So I didn't want to cause any more drama, so I felt that I had to reject even though I didn't want to. Me and Mark did go out with friends but we never went out alone. Also Mark was showing me things that made me resist him more. Like he told me "He is going to screw every girl he sees" and I am not that type. I was trying to get to know him, and I was between a rock and a hard place, cause I didn't want to upset my friends and my cousin, so it's difficult for me, cause I do have a connection with him. I just find it confusing that he is jealous though and doesn't want me to date guys when he is dating another girl? So that is my main question, and I understand to move on when you get rejected, but HE kept on talking to me, and kept telling me about his problems, and I thought we were close friends. Thanks for answering!

[Kelly M]

Why do you care what he says or what he thinks if you turned him down repeatedly? He turned away from you because you rejected him. Are you wanting him now because he is no longer interested and instead is interested in someone else? Don't let your ego play with this guy's emotions and feelings. There was a reason you rejected him, so apparently you thought he was not a good match for whatever reason. I suggest you stick with that line of thinking and don't let your ego start to play games with this guy.

 

Like I said I had reasonable explanations why I rejected him. I do like him and I did like him. But my friends and my cousin were acting psychotic with me, and were convincing me he is a bad guy, and I shouldn't talk to him. I am not the type that listens to gossip so I figured I will figure it out myself if he is a bad guy, but in the same breath I didn't want anymore drama. My cousin was convincing me it would be "betrayal" if I went out with him, even though they never dated, but I guess cause she likes him, and I felt bad. I feel bad about the whole situation! I really do! Cause I really like him, and I do want to go out with him, but because of my family and friends, they are preventing that cause I just don't want drama. I wasn't getting off on the fact that I was getting attention, so please don't mistake me for the "ego" type. Cause I am not that! I have genuine feelings for him, and when he started to tell me his problems, I felt a deeper connection. So and he played with my emotions more than anything. Cause he would call me up to go out with me, and when I would agree he would back out. Like this one time he said "Text me later let's do something" I text him later and he was out at a restaurant with some friends and with the girl he liked, and completely ditched me, so if anything he plays games with me.

[ConstantVoyager]

Stop listening to your friends. Pick your own men.

[Kelly M]

You're crazy. The guy steps up and asks you out. You say no. He moves on and now you like him? I don't think you like him. I think you miss the fact that he turned his attention elsewhere and started to forget you.

 

He might be playing games here. You turned him down and now he's putting it out there he likes another girl to create jealousy... he likes your FB photos to make you think he's interested in you. Now, look at you... you're jealous and obsessing over him.

 

If his intent was to mind f-ck you - it worked.

 

Well, like I said I had reasonable explanations, and I don't know why people think I was getting off on his attention when that was not the case what so ever. I have genuine feelings for him it was my family and friends why I rejected (you can read my other replies for details of that) but I am just confused cause like I said if he likes another girl then why does he care who I go out with? Also like I said he played head games with me more than anything, at least I said NO, unlike him when he would make plans with me then back out. One time he told me to text to do something later, and I did and it ended up he was at a restaurant with the girl he likes and some friends and completely ditches me. And when I did reject him he had the option to just never speak to me again, but he chose to speak with me. I never initiated anything! He was always the first one to text, call or whatever. Thanks for your ignorant response! Maybe don't judge a situation if you don't know the full details!

[truth_seeker]

Well, like I said I had reasonable explanations, and I don't know why people think I was getting off on his attention when that was not the case what so ever. I have genuine feelings for him it was my family and friends why I rejected (you can read my other replies for details of that) but I am just confused cause like I said if he likes another girl then why does he care who I go out with? Also like I said he played head games with me more than anything, at least I said NO, unlike him when he would make plans with me then back out. One time he told me to text to do something later, and I did and it ended up he was at a restaurant with the girl he likes and some friends and completely ditches me. And when I did reject him he had the option to just never speak to me again, but he chose to speak with me. I never initiated anything! He was always the first one to text, call or whatever. Thanks for your ignorant response! Maybe don't judge a situation if you don't know the full details!

 

Ignorant response? I gave you my take on your original post. Now you share about your family and friends and how they influenced you? Should have put that out there in the beginning.

 

Now I know he is mind-f-cking you. He purposely set you up at the restaurant. He wanted you to come so you could see him with a girl. That's immaturity. That's him enacting revenge on you for rejecting him. He wanted to hurt your feelings because you hurt his ego.

 

Sounds to me you had the upper hand on this guy, he turned on you, and now you want to even the score. Look, I've been there and it really gets you nowhere. Just ignore him. Silence is a killer to people with big egos.

[KathyM]

Like I said I had reasonable explanations why I rejected him. I do like him and I did like him. But my friends and my cousin were acting psychotic with me, and were convincing me he is a bad guy, and I shouldn't talk to him. I am not the type that listens to gossip so I figured I will figure it out myself if he is a bad guy, but in the same breath I didn't want anymore drama. My cousin was convincing me it would be "betrayal" if I went out with him, even though they never dated, but I guess cause she likes him, and I felt bad. I feel bad about the whole situation! I really do! Cause I really like him, and I do want to go out with him, but because of my family and friends, they are preventing that cause I just don't want drama. I wasn't getting off on the fact that I was getting attention, so please don't mistake me for the "ego" type. Cause I am not that! I have genuine feelings for him, and when he started to tell me his problems, I felt a deeper connection. So and he played with my emotions more than anything. Cause he would call me up to go out with me, and when I would agree he would back out. Like this one time he said "Text me later let's do something" I text him later and he was out at a restaurant with some friends and with the girl he liked, and completely ditched me, so if anything he plays games with me.

So he tells you he's going to screw every girl he sees. Your friends tell you he's a bad guy. So you decide he would not be relationship material and refuse to go out with him. Sounds like you made a wise decision there. Why are you backtracking now? Because he no longer is pursuing you? Your ego is drawing you towards him because you can't handle rejection. I stand by what I said: there was a reason you rejected him to begin with. You should stick by your decision and not let your ego to change it.

[Kelly M]

Ignorant response? I gave you my take on your original post. Now you share about your family and friends and how they influenced you? Should have put that out there in the beginning.

 

Now I know he is mind-f-cking you. He purposely set you up at the restaurant. He wanted you to come so you could see him with a girl. That's immaturity. That's him enacting revenge on you for rejecting him. He wanted to hurt your feelings because you hurt his ego.

 

Sounds to me you had the upper hand on this guy, he turned on you, and now you want to even the score. Look, I've been there and it really gets you nowhere. Just ignore him. Silence is a killer to people with big egos.

 

Yes! You are right! I didn't give full details of why I rejected him in the original post, but I thought that "Reasonable Explanations" would suffice. Anyways that is my fault, sorry. I honestly don't want get back at him or anything. I just wanted to start dating him, and when I was about to tell him, he told me he liked some other girl, whom I know, and her name is Amy. My friend died of a Heroin Overdose, his name is Lance and he was Amy's boyfriend. Mark and I were best friends with Lance. I actually want to date Lance and such, but then he got a girlfriend, and I figured I would just be a friend to him. He ended up getting her pregnant. So poor Lance dies, and already 2 months later Mark and Amy are kinda dating, and i'm sorry that is just grimey to me! I think it's gross! I think it's betrayal on both parts. They acted weird and lovey dovey during Lance's layout, so I suspected, but I chalked it up to paranoia, but I assumed correctly, obviously. Mark just makes me sick! If it was any other girl, fine! but he goes after his best friend's girl? Same with her too! Also just both of their outlooks on Lance makes me sick too! They are acting cold about it. So I just feel like I was lied to this whole time, and that is why I am hesistant, but I do feel like he is messing with me. Thank yu! and sorry for the misunderstanding!

[Kelly M]

So he tells you he's going to screw every girl he sees. Your friends tell you he's a bad guy. So you decide he would not be relationship material and refuse to go out with him. Sounds like you made a wise decision there. Why are you backtracking now? Because he no longer is pursuing you? Your ego is drawing you towards him because you can't handle rejection. I stand by what I said: there was a reason you rejected him to begin with. You should stick by your decision and not let your ego to change it.

 

 

You're right! Apparently that is it, cause I do fear rejection, and I have this hangup where I feel like people don't like me, so I try really hard to have people in my life, and to be likeable. But maybe that is it, cause of my fear of rejection is why I am kinda chasing him now, it makes sense! I appreciate you answering cause now that just opened up my mind, lol! Made me realize. Thank you!

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes! You are right! I didn't give full details of why I rejected him in the original post, but I thought that "Reasonable Explanations" would suffice. Anyways that is my fault, sorry. I honestly don't want get back at him or anything. I just wanted to start dating him, and when I was about to tell him, he told me he liked some other girl, whom I know, and her name is Amy. My friend died of a Heroin Overdose, his name is Lance and he was Amy's boyfriend. Mark and I were best friends with Lance. I actually want to date Lance and such, but then he got a girlfriend, and I figured I would just be a friend to him. He ended up getting her pregnant. So poor Lance dies, and already 2 months later Mark and Amy are kinda dating, and i'm sorry that is just grimey to me! I think it's gross! I think it's betrayal on both parts. They acted weird and lovey dovey during Lance's layout, so I suspected, but I chalked it up to paranoia, but I assumed correctly, obviously. Mark just makes me sick! If it was any other girl, fine! but he goes after his best friend's girl? Same with her too! Also just both of their outlooks on Lance makes me sick too! They are acting cold about it. So I just feel like I was lied to this whole time, and that is why I am hesistant, but I do feel like he is messing with me. Thank yu! and sorry for the misunderstanding!

 

So you don't want to date him anymore, correct? You've posted reasons why you turned him down and reasons why you are turned off by him now. So I assume you are no longer interested...?

[crederer]

I wouldn't suggest ignoring your friends. Especially guy friends (as long as they don't have an alterior motive). Guy friends are good at sniffing out a-holes.

[tlegend]

I wouldn't suggest ignoring your friends. Especially guy friends (as long as they don't have an alterior motive). Guy friends are good at sniffing out a-holes.

 

Unless they aren't truly a guy friend and just using it to get into your pants.

 

Just saying....we ARE dogs sometimes..

[Kelly M]

So you don't want to date him anymore, correct? You've posted reasons why you turned him down and reasons why you are turned off by him now. So I assume you are no longer interested...?

 

After reading everyones responses and after talking to some people I know I am kinda getting sick of him. Anyways he doesn't like me anymore he likes Amy so I think I am just a thing in the past, but my one friend thinks she is just a fill in, but either way it shows his character. It shows that he just doesn't give a sh*t and he'll go for his best friend's girl within 2 months, but they were acting weird before that, but it shows he has no loyalty obviously. I have mixed emotions about Mark, but I think that is irrelevant I just have to move on, even though it is hard. Just like I have to keep on going when Lance died. Same with this situation, just keep going, so no I am no longer interested. No longer interested in his head games either. Thank you!

[hudson701]

Perhaps you enjoyed the attention from him and now it's gone you don't like it anymore. Seems you're looking for an ego stroke again. We've all done it, and it feels good but it's entirely superficial.

 

My advice is leave him alone- you rejected him based on the opinions of your 'friends' (can't you think with your own brain?) and now he's looking elsewhere you realise you've made a mistake. He's not going to come back and put his hand in the fire again is he? This ship has sailed. Leave it be and chalk it down to experience.