creemore Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Hey everyone, Here's a bit of background info. I met this girl about six months ago through a mutual friend. We immediately hit it off and started casually "seeing" each other. Things were great. She spent the summer working away from where I live but we spoke everyday. I saw her several times over the summer and things again were going very smoothly. When we did finally move back to the same area everything seemed to be going well. There were some things I had to share with her about my current situation (aka one of my roommates is currently an ex of mine - an ex of a LONG time ago). Needless to say, didn't take that very well. It should be noted that I have NO feelings for my ex, nor does she have feelings for me. Anyways, I was able to talk her (the girl I was seeing) down and assured her that I didn't want my ex and that I only wanted her. A few more weeks went by, and things were the best they'd been. Until I made the stupid mistake of exposing a few details about my past sex life (that had occurred while I was with my ex) which my girl seemed to be fine with at the time. A few days later, she called me crying saying that she couldn't stop thinking about my ex and that she didn't think she could see me anymore. Again I was able to talk her down because, to me, my ex truly didn't/doesn't/won't matter. After this breakdown she became somewhat distant with me. Things seemed to be a little bit strange. The following weekend we went out with some friends and I saw her taking her guy "friend's" number. I asked her about it and she assured me that he was just a friend who's number she didn't have because she had gotten a new phone. Fastforward a week..we got into a bit of a fight, while we were both somewhat intoxicated, and she said she wasn't interested anymore. Things got a little bit messy but we agreed to speak again the next day and take things from there. That night, she went out and slept with the guy whose number she had gotten the week before. We spoke the next day and she broke up with me.. saying that she never wanted a relationship with me, her feelings weren't real, she doesn't care anymore.. all that fun stuff. That confuses me because we both said we wanted to take it slow, which is what we did. I'm now fairly certain that she's seeing this other guy. Now I feel broken and replaced. Not only because we ended whatever we had, but also because I feel like the reasons for us ending weren't justified. I know she said that she had no feelings but to me that makes no sense. The way we were together, spoke together, felt together, led me to believe otherwise. It has been two weeks since this happened. The first week was strict NC. Then I broke and sent her a couple of innocent messages. She responded with some small talk. We spoke at the end of the first week, because I felt horrible about the last conversation that we had (it was emotional, messy, and fairly unproductive). She says she wants to be friends with me because she cares about me a lot but doesn't want to go back to the way things were. I never told her that I wanted them to, but, in all honesty, I was/am hoping for it. I don't know what to do with myself now. I can't focus on anything, can't stop thinking about her, constantly regret telling her unnecessary details about my past. I know things would be different if she just let herself feel what she does for me (she's a very guarded person, has had some bad relationships in the past). I don't know what else to say. Please send some words.
Philosoraptor Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Sounds like she liked you but couldn't get over the fact that you were living with your ex. Combine that with details of your past sex life made her insecure and she decided bailing was a better option than trying to get through it. Nothing can change the past so learn from it and keep your details private. If there is zero feelings between you and your ex then there is no reason to disclose that she was a former partner of yours unless you are asked directly. Sucks, but learn from it and move on.
Author creemore Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I should have noted. I didn't initially bring it up to her. We have the same circle of friends and one of my female friends who I've known for a while accidentally mentioned it to her (my friend has apologized numerous times for bringing it up.. there was no ulterior motive). Left me with no choice.
Philosoraptor Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Well life happens. She was either not secure enough to deal with it or just not happy with the situation. It was her choice to cut and run versus working through it.
Author creemore Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Do you think it'd be possible to convince her otherwise? She says she wants to stay friends and seemed upset about the idea of not having me in her life.
Chi townD Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Do you think it'd be possible to convince her otherwise? She says she wants to stay friends and seemed upset about the idea of not having me in her life. Why would you want to? I mean, you get in a small argument and she sleeps with the guy that she told you was "just a friend" *cough* *cough* *bullsh*t..... the VERY SAME night she has an argument with you. She basically cheated on you. What did she have to say for herself about that? I though she told you that he was "just a friend" and that you had nothing to worry about?!?!? So, to summarize. She lied to and cheated on you, then broke up with you the next day (Probably while she was still in bed with this guy). NOW, you think she's dating him....So, much for "just friends". Now, she just wants to be friends with you. (well....now you know what she'll do with friends...you might get lucky again!) Dude, write this chick off and move on with your life. If you start to miss her or want to contact her, just remember what I wrote and then ask yourself, "Do I deserve to be treated that way?"
Author creemore Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Yeah I've been trying to get myself to think that. However I can't help but think that I somehow drove her away. The last week or so before things ended I became something I'm usually not (needy, stuck in my head, non-responsive). Also we do share some of the same friends. So I'll definitely be running into her from time to time. Any advice on how to approach those situations?
Recommended Posts