Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Hi all, I've recently been dumped and i didn't see it coming I was in a relationship for 6 months and everything has been going great. We would see each other 2-3 times a week, she would stay over my place most Weekends. When we were apart we'd be texting each other every day and it was always interesting and fun. I recently met her parents a few weeks back and last weekend we went away for the weekend.. and then it all changed. As soon as we arrived at the hotel, her attitude towards me was completely different. I mean in every way possible. No affection what so ever! I would try to get close to her but she would try her best to avoid it. We have always had good communication and were always able to chat about anything. But during this weekend we could not keep a conversation going, and it was definitely because she simply didn't want to. I saw her at the start of the week before our trip and it was normal, we were kissing... being our normal affectionate selves. Sex has always been good too. I know she has trouble letting people in and trusting them. She had some issues with previous relationships and whenever she went away with them it always ended badly. What gives? I basically received a text after our weekend away saying we are not compatible. Then it ended there. The sucky part is i actually fell in love with this girl. I'm ready to let her go, i just want to make sense of it all. I understand people can be incompatible.. but we didn't seem to be anytime prior to our weekend away. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Philosoraptor Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 The only thing you can do is accept her choice and move on. There is nothing to understand other than she decided the two of you were not a good fit on her end and she ended the relationship. The more you question things and look for answers, the more time, energy, and emotion you will waste. One of those things you just need to accept and move on.
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Hi, Thanks for you reply. It's just so surreal.. she was so attentive and showing so much affection prior to the weekend away. I wish she had shown some signs of unhappiness so i could have been prepared. I will try my best to move on! Thanks.
ColdAlone Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 You can try and ask her why she thinks that. Try it in a way like 'would you like to share with me why you think we are not compatible'. Not 'why do you think that'. Only she knows the answer... the trick is to get it out.
headinthecloud Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Were you dating someone else at the same time?
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 ColdAlone: I think i may try that approach. I will wait a few days or a week before i ask though. headinthecloud: I definitely wasn't. I very much doubt she was too. With work and Uni i don't think she would have had time. Maybe I'm wrong?
Fufu Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Hi all, I've recently been dumped and i didn't see it coming I was in a relationship for 6 months and everything has been going great. We would see each other 2-3 times a week, she would stay over my place most Weekends. When we were apart we'd be texting each other every day and it was always interesting and fun. I recently met her parents a few weeks back and last weekend we went away for the weekend.. and then it all changed. As soon as we arrived at the hotel, her attitude towards me was completely different. I mean in every way possible. No affection what so ever! I would try to get close to her but she would try her best to avoid it. We have always had good communication and were always able to chat about anything. But during this weekend we could not keep a conversation going, and it was definitely because she simply didn't want to. I saw her at the start of the week before our trip and it was normal, we were kissing... being our normal affectionate selves. Sex has always been good too. I know she has trouble letting people in and trusting them. She had some issues with previous relationships and whenever she went away with them it always ended badly. What gives? I basically received a text after our weekend away saying we are not compatible. Then it ended there. The sucky part is i actually fell in love with this girl. I'm ready to let her go, i just want to make sense of it all. I understand people can be incompatible.. but we didn't seem to be anytime prior to our weekend away. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Did something happen when we guy went away during the weekend? or something happen when you met his parents? Anyway since she had break up with you for whatever reason, do move on.
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Fufu: Hi, i'm the guy she is the girl. Like i said, everything up until the weekend was GREAT! Soon as we started to travel down and for the duration of the weekend away, everything changed. As i mentioned, had there been some turbulence prior to the weekend I'd have understood.. I was so scared to meet her parents but everything went well. I had some good feedback saying they liked me etc. mariaadams21: Thanks for your input. However, if i followed my heart, I'd be trying to win her back...
EdG Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 This is a strange one mate, I can understand why you're confused, I would be too! I am also surprised she dumped you via text..! That's pretty weak. She's either afraid of something...commitment(!?) or the relationship simply didn't mean the same to her as it did to you... I know the later will be hard to accept for sure. How 'serious' was it leading up to the weekend away? Do you think both of you could genuinely see being with each other for the long term or was it more about "just having some fun"? 6 months isn't very long, but I know its long enough to fall in love with someone and feel awful when something like this happens. You deserve answers and if she's worth anything she'll give you them...for sure. If she doesn't and simply ignores you (having dumped you by text!!) then she's a **** and doesn't deserve being missed. Approach her for some answers when you're ready, if you need them. It may be that she's been burned in the past and is afraid of commitment/letting someone in close. Either way, sketchy times, and I hope you find some answers and peace.
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 EdG: I think you are spot on. Yeah it's very hard to accept being dumped via text. We have had a few conversations before about her trust issues and letting people in. I know she had to deal with some things during her teens which she hasn't really spoken to me about.. and then having bad relationships prior to me. So i can understand that. I'd say pretty serious, i mean we were talking about summer holidays next year, she has bought me some Xmas presents, etc. I know i could see my self with her... We may have a few different interests, she likes different music etc. But on the whole, when we did anything together we clicked and it felt like it worked. She would always talk about me to her friends and family. Arghh i don't know what to do
EdG Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 How many days since the breakup? It sounds you're relationship was decent, which makes this hard for you! I think the best thing you can do now is to play it cool (despite how hard that may be given you're being left in the lurch!!) and go no contact... Reasons being: 1. If it's an issue she has with commitment (she got scared/'cold feet') and she realises that she was being silly and that you mean a lot to her then she'll come back to you... I would have thought! 2. If she doesn't ever get in contact again then she's not worth it at all boss. Honestly, dumping someone via text is really weak, if she genuinely meant it and has no explanation for you then F' her! For now try and accept things are over. Try not to be waiting around for her to get in contact. You'll make yourself seem less attractive if you're waiting for her/available at her bec and call. I am speaking from experience mate. My ex dumped me 6 weeks ago. It was slightly different cause although she dumped me out of the Blue, I could put a reason to it and understand why she did it. You need answers otherwise it will be harder to move on. However, if you don't get them then realise she's not a very nice person (or extremely complex) and someone you're lucky to be rid of after 6 months. 1
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 It's been a week. A very Hard week. She said we are two very different people... Which if she believes that then i will use that for justification. Then in the back of my mind i feel she may have given any reason to get out of the relationship if she had cold feet / trust issues. Anyway, I will try to go NC. Thanks for all your input folks.
JustaRegularGuyZ Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Hi all, I've recently been dumped and i didn't see it coming I was in a relationship for 6 months and everything has been going great. We would see each other 2-3 times a week, she would stay over my place most Weekends. When we were apart we'd be texting each other every day and it was always interesting and fun. I recently met her parents a few weeks back and last weekend we went away for the weekend.. and then it all changed. As soon as we arrived at the hotel, her attitude towards me was completely different. I mean in every way possible. No affection what so ever! I would try to get close to her but she would try her best to avoid it. We have always had good communication and were always able to chat about anything. But during this weekend we could not keep a conversation going, and it was definitely because she simply didn't want to. I saw her at the start of the week before our trip and it was normal, we were kissing... being our normal affectionate selves. Sex has always been good too. I know she has trouble letting people in and trusting them. She had some issues with previous relationships and whenever she went away with them it always ended badly. What gives? I basically received a text after our weekend away saying we are not compatible. Then it ended there. The sucky part is i actually fell in love with this girl. I'm ready to let her go, i just want to make sense of it all. I understand people can be incompatible.. but we didn't seem to be anytime prior to our weekend away. Any input would be greatly appreciated. No Offence Zyxel, but its only a 6 month relationship. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You didn't even build up a full relationship, you are still strangers to one another. Plus women don't just randomly lose all the feelings and affection for you, you must've ****ed up in a way that you are not telling us.
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 JustaRegularGuyZ: Yeah, it's only 6 months. But that's all it takes. If there had been any been any signs or i had done something wrong, i wouldn't be writing on this forum for advice. I would know the reason why.
JustaRegularGuyZ Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Zyxel: She says you two are different? I spent 6 years with a girl who is Athiest and i'm Muslim. We grew up in two different worlds. If she can't give you straight answer now imagine how brutal it would be later on. She will just bulk up all of her thoughts and emotions and just dissapear from your life without even texting you and let you just guess on what happened. I say its better that it has happened now than later. Plus sure sex would BE great the first half a year, attraction level is so high at that stage. But something happened that weekend you spent together, you must be not telling us something, you must've said or have done something without even noticing it. M
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 As mentioned, pretty much as soon as we left my place for our hotel, everything changed. She just became a different person.. i'm really not sure what was going on in her head but she wasn't her self. I said nothing out of the ordinary... we met each other in the morning, kissed, cuddled etc. Then departed for our destination, then as soon as we got on the train. She wasn't the same.
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Not that it matters but the day she broke up with me, she deleted me on facebook, and removed all photos of me and her together. I thought that was slightly drastic...
Philosoraptor Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Not that it matters but the day she broke up with me, she deleted me on facebook, and removed all photos of me and her together. I thought that was slightly drastic... Well she wanted to move on and cleaning up the loose ends ASAP would help her in that direction.
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I guess so.. It seems so fast... I mean with previous Ex's i kept photos etc for a while before removing them. It just seems like a way to kind of act like the relationship never happened. Which is far more puzzling. Sorry for dredging this up again, it's all i can think about!!
Author Zyxel Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I'm trying to rationalize this: I feel that the only reason the relationship has ended so abruptly was because she was not emotionally ready for the weekend away and that she has had bad experiences in these situations before. Could it be possible that she expected the weekend to end horribly so it changed her behavior towards me? I will agree that if i were to go on the weekend alone we did seem incompatible... she wasn't willing to talk much and was very disconnected from me. I really think i need to get some answers from her...
headinthecloud Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 You need Barky's advice to help you through this. She doesn't want you in her life. The reasons why shouldn't matter. Only you matter now. If she isn't willing to communicate with you then that's her problem, and her loss. Better to find out now than 2 yrs from now.
ColdAlone Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I guess so.. It seems so fast... I mean with previous Ex's i kept photos etc for a while before removing them. It just seems like a way to kind of act like the relationship never happened. Which is far more puzzling. Sorry for dredging this up again, it's all i can think about!! She is 'taking action' to reinforce her feelings, and to send a message. Clearly she has issues. That doesn't mean to me it can't work. Ignore what she does or doesn't. just ask her in a co-operative way why she thinks what she thinks. And take it from there.
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