Janni Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 This morning I was supposed to get up early and go to the bloodbank. But I didn't. I kept hitting snooze. I never did that before, but now I do it every morning because I feel so depressed. Well, this morning I hit snooze because I felt good. I felt good. When my alarm rang the umpteenth time, I woke from a dream about my ex. I haven't dreamt as much about him the last week. But today I did. In my dream he was visiting me at my new place. I don't know why. Anyway. I was feeling kinda happy and my family was there too. He had brought his colleague. At one point I go to pick something up and he's coming towards me. I move to get something else and he walks away. I know him and I know he was going to slap my ass. He'd always do that. But because I moved he didn't. Instead he went over to his colleague and squeezed her boob. - She was changing clothes and stood bare chested. (Yes, I know it's kinda strange) Then he looks at me and says "Well, you shouldn't have moved if you wanted me to grab your ass." and I don't really care actually. He then proceeds to pull her into his arms and kiss her. But everything kinda oozed of "I'm doing this because you are watching." I walked over to him and told him, we needed to talk. So he calls her. "No. Just you and me. Alone." I said. We walk away from her a bit and I wanted to tell him, she can't just walk around without a bra and stuff. But before I get to say it, he says "She's going through a really hard time and she needs someone." with a grin. Like he's excusing his behavior, but at the same time trying to rub it in my face. That's about the time my alarm went off and woke me. So. I felt kinda good after this dream, because he was being a complete jerk and very unattractive. He would never really act this way though - At least not based on the person I know. But then again, that person would have never treated me as disrespectful as he has. So you never know. Now, a few hours after the dream, I am starting to feel sad. Because I "saw" him. Anyway. I just needed to tell you guys about my dream. Maybe it means I am finally moving on to despising him, instead of missing and wanting him. I do hope so.
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I always believe that dreams of an ex are based on two things: Deeply miss them(as such, you overly keep them on your mind), this stress causes dreams. This leads into my other part: The mind is sorting out all of this trauma, subconsciously, so it can clean up this information(get rid of your ex, who cheated on you), allowing for you to eventually cope, and move on. It still sucks to dream about an ex. Howbeit, you are making it.
mikejensen3355 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's really normal to dream about the ex. Like Todd said, there's going to be different reasons and meanings for them. It is a positive though that you were able to think of him in an unattractive way. I would have dreams about my ex saying things to me that she'd never say in real life, like telling me I just wasn't good enough for her and she found a better man, a better match, a better life, a better human being. And it's probably true that she's found someone that will make her happier. It's a tough pill to swallow, but it stops hurting as much after a while because you know someone will make you happier than that person one day too. But I guess just know that it's normal. I felt like I was losing my mind and the dreams still happen. I only feel a little better about it all, I'm still working through it. But even that little better has given me hope. We'll all get through these things, it's going to take time and effort and even just withstanding all the pain and thoughts and dreams. One day this stuff will stop happening to us all.
Author Janni Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's really normal to dream about the ex. Like Todd said, there's going to be different reasons and meanings for them. It is a positive though that you were able to think of him in an unattractive way. I would have dreams about my ex saying things to me that she'd never say in real life, like telling me I just wasn't good enough for her and she found a better man, a better match, a better life, a better human being. And it's probably true that she's found someone that will make her happier. It's a tough pill to swallow, but it stops hurting as much after a while because you know someone will make you happier than that person one day too. But I guess just know that it's normal. I felt like I was losing my mind and the dreams still happen. I only feel a little better about it all, I'm still working through it. But even that little better has given me hope. We'll all get through these things, it's going to take time and effort and even just withstanding all the pain and thoughts and dreams. One day this stuff will stop happening to us all. Thank you for your comforting words. It's so hard to know that you will never be with that person you love so much again. I still remember how comforting his hugs were. How amazing his kisses. And then to know he's giving all that to someone else is even more hurtful.
mikejensen3355 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Thank you for your comforting words. It's so hard to know that you will never be with that person you love so much again. I still remember how comforting his hugs were. How amazing his kisses. And then to know he's giving all that to someone else is even more hurtful. It is. It's really, really tough to let go. And it's scary. Going into the unknown without that person by your side is definitely downright scary. But just like you met him, you will meet someone else that makes you feel that way. You're stronger than you think. Withstand the pain, make yourself put in the effort to do some things you don't want to do but know it's best, and just keep in mind that one day it'll all feel better and that's what your working towards. It sucks that there's no way for us to just stop feeling this overnight. But you're stronger than you think, we all are. Withstand the pain, make yourself put in the effort to do some things you don't want to do but know it's best, and just keep in mind that one day it'll all feel better and that's what your working towards.
Author Janni Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 It is. It's really, really tough to let go. And it's scary. Going into the unknown without that person by your side is definitely downright scary. But just like you met him, you will meet someone else that makes you feel that way. You're stronger than you think. Withstand the pain, make yourself put in the effort to do some things you don't want to do but know it's best, and just keep in mind that one day it'll all feel better and that's what your working towards. It sucks that there's no way for us to just stop feeling this overnight. But you're stronger than you think, we all are. Withstand the pain, make yourself put in the effort to do some things you don't want to do but know it's best, and just keep in mind that one day it'll all feel better and that's what your working towards. I guess you are right. I just read another thread about a guy who's ex came back and now a year later they be happily married. Even though I am in a place where I don't want my ex back, it made me sad. Maybe it's a combination of my ongoing dream about marriage and love and the fact that I am still emotionally "tied" to him. It makes me want to check if he's texted me. But I won't.
DarkestBeforeDawn Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Janni, Appreciate your words earlier today. I firmly believe dreams are a person's 'unconscious' thoughts. To name a few, they are memories, whether traumatic or of emotion that get stored in the mind, and as we dream, they come alive in all different ways, shapes or forms. You having this dream of him is a prime example. Because he is logged in your unconscious mind, and it is an emotional pain, you will secrete this information while you sleep, bringing it to life sort to speak. I also believe that "feel good" feeling you had after you woke up was the acid that gets released "Dimethyltryptamine (DMT)" when you dream. While in REM sleep, this acid basically helps you dream. But I digresss. It's a great thing to share what happened during your dream, and must feel good to be able to express it. I honestly have NO knowledge of your past with this guy, but for what I can tell, he did a bad thing. For my two cents, I would just like to say that you were never able to control the actions he made. It was not your fault and do not go blaming your self for anything. The memories you have with him are going to be tough to rid from your memory BUT I'm sure you're a strong woman, and you are OK with talking about this situation, that is positive signs right there that you are one step closer to completely getting over this. That dream may have been telling you something, like you said, maybe now you will move on from wanting and missing him. Only TIME will let that happen. It is so true that time heals all wounds. I hope the best for you.
Author Janni Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Janni, Appreciate your words earlier today. You are so very welcome. I do hope you are feeling better. I firmly believe dreams are a person's 'unconscious' thoughts. To name a few, they are memories, whether traumatic or of emotion that get stored in the mind, and as we dream, they come alive in all different ways, shapes or forms. You having this dream of him is a prime example. Because he is logged in your unconscious mind, and it is an emotional pain, you will secrete this information while you sleep, bringing it to life sort to speak. I also believe that "feel good" feeling you had after you woke up was the acid that gets released "Dimethyltryptamine (DMT)" when you dream. While in REM sleep, this acid basically helps you dream. But I digresss. It's a great thing to share what happened during your dream, and must feel good to be able to express it. I honestly have NO knowledge of your past with this guy, but for what I can tell, he did a bad thing. For my two cents, I would just like to say that you were never able to control the actions he made. It was not your fault and do not go blaming your self for anything. The memories you have with him are going to be tough to rid from your memory BUT I'm sure you're a strong woman, and you are OK with talking about this situation, that is positive signs right there that you are one step closer to completely getting over this. That dream may have been telling you something, like you said, maybe now you will move on from wanting and missing him. Only TIME will let that happen. It is so true that time heals all wounds. I hope the best for you. Thank you for your understanding and your supportive post. I appreciate it. A girl told me, to avoid dreaming of a particular thing, one should try thinking of something else than that right before going to sleep. I have found this helpful, though it is difficult not to think about him when I go to bed.
DarkestBeforeDawn Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 A girl told me, to avoid dreaming of a particular thing, one should try thinking of something else than that right before going to sleep. I have found this helpful, though it is difficult not to think about him when I go to bed. I do believe she is on the right path with this advice. To reiterate, those unconscious thoughts play a role in your dreaming, and it does become difficult at times to fall asleep, and then you find your mind racing a million times a minute, constantly thinking about everything. Then, once you eventually get so tired from this mental game, you will fall asleep, greater your chances of a dream popping up about him because he was on your mind. A remedy I found that helps this is by clearing out that part of your mind and trying to get it to focus on something else. Reading helps this aspect out A LOT. Find something that intrigues you so much that you almost can't put the book down. Read this book as thoroughly as possible as you lay down and go to bed. Drifting off to sleep from your brain so focused on this work will put your frame of mind in a different place.
Author Janni Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I do believe she is on the right path with this advice. To reiterate, those unconscious thoughts play a role in your dreaming, and it does become difficult at times to fall asleep, and then you find your mind racing a million times a minute, constantly thinking about everything. Then, once you eventually get so tired from this mental game, you will fall asleep, greater your chances of a dream popping up about him because he was on your mind. A remedy I found that helps this is by clearing out that part of your mind and trying to get it to focus on something else. Reading helps this aspect out A LOT. Find something that intrigues you so much that you almost can't put the book down. Read this book as thoroughly as possible as you lay down and go to bed. Drifting off to sleep from your brain so focused on this work will put your frame of mind in a different place. Thank you. I will definitely try that. I just started reading This Book Is Full Of Spiders after someone posted about in here. It is really good. Very light, easy and fun.
DarkestBeforeDawn Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Thank you. I will definitely try that. I just started reading This Book Is Full Of Spiders after someone posted about in here. It is really good. Very light, easy and fun. That is a great idea. I know this may sound crazy, but what could help even more is to write down notes about what you're reading to engage your brain into even more activity OTHER than what you don't want to think about before you go to sleep. Completely changing your train of thought before you sleep will no doubt help you take your mind off all other things that are bothering you. It may take some time, but the brain is a muscle, and you must work it out and train it to develop.
Author Janni Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 That is a great idea. I know this may sound crazy, but what could help even more is to write down notes about what you're reading to engage your brain into even more activity OTHER than what you don't want to think about before you go to sleep. Completely changing your train of thought before you sleep will no doubt help you take your mind off all other things that are bothering you. It may take some time, but the brain is a muscle, and you must work it out and train it to develop. Hm. I don't really know how to. But it does sound like a good idea. I myself have found, that it helps to write down my thoughts. Then they are out of my head and on the paper instead. Somehow I can "take" them out of my brain in an almost literal sense. When I've written them down, they stop flying around inside my head. Just an update on the whole dream thing: Last night I dreamt I went to work and when I walked out of the building, my ex was there. So I hurried back in and out the back. Well, he had seen me and soon caught up with me outside. He smelled of alcohol and had obviously been drinking. He looked like hell and had gotten four or so tattoos. (Used to have none) He told me how much he loved me and missed me and it was obvious to me, that losing me was the reason he was in such bad shape. I told him I wouldn't take him back and he kept begging and so on. Then I told him, if I was ever to consider it, he had to stop drinking, stop getting those meaningless tattoos (One which was a text about missing the love of your life) and take care of himself. He promised, because it would give him a tiny chance of getting me back. And then I woke up. All day long I've had a feeling in my stomach because of this dream. I've felt kinda warm, because I dreamt he wanted me back and had been in such bad shape because he just couldn't live without me. But I also felt sad, because it was just a dream and as far as I know, he is living his life just fine without me.
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