WisingUp Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I had been in a LDR for about a year and a half with a man I fell deeply in love with when eventually over time I realised that it was never going to work out. We had started to make plans for me to move with my kids to be with him but I knew in my heart that this guy was not long term material! He would constantly change his mind about things, was selfish in his ways and it was driving me insane. He was showing many signs of being narcissistic. He would always run others down and had fallings out with others who stood up to him or didnt like his ways of doing things but he could also be the most charming guy ever. It also became apparent that he had a few other females that he would class as 'friends' but I now believe he may have been stringing them along too with his charm. We did have some lovely times together too where he made me feel loved and that it could all work out which just confused me as he could be so distant at times too. Anyway I finally took the courage to end things with him in June when I knew if we carried on he would end up destroying me inside with his mind games and unreliability. It was making me ill and I was having panic attacks and losing confidence. He soon found someone to take my place, hmmm thats if she wasnt already there!!! I have since met a lovely guy who thinks the world of me and my kids and has been there for me through the last few months while I have been getting myself back together. My problem here is that my ex & I still have contact through email and he says he will love me forever and that I can never have the same depth of feelings with anyone else that we had together. He wants us to always remain friends. I dont seem to be able to have NC with him as it starts my panic off all over again when we try to stop emailing each other. I know I have to do this but why cant I ?! Also why do we love the bad guys so much and not the good ones as much as we should?! Some days I feel I will go crazy with overthinking the whole situation. I put this man on a pedestal for far too long and I need somehow to knock him off it so I can move on with this lovely guy I have waiting for me......any insight from anyone would be great to help me out here
ColdAlone Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I would suggest you talk it over with the new guy if you're really not able to cut it off yourself. If you trust the new guy, perhaps he can respond not-jealous but with love towards you. And possible have suggestions or deal with it himself.
headinthecloud Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I would suggest you talk it over with the new guy if you're really not able to cut it off yourself. If you trust the new guy, perhaps he can respond not-jealous but with love towards you. And possible have suggestions or deal with it himself. I completely disagree with this approach. You are addicted to him and you have to ween yourself off of him. No one else. You are lucky to have such a wonderful support but it's not fair to him (your new guy) to expect him to help you. If you care about the new guy then get your head on straight and be responsible. Go NC and move on. Everyone we love is different. There is nothing to say you won't love someone else as deeply or moreso. LDRs create unrealistic scenarios because we fall in love with the idea of love and often overlook actions. Cut him off - block, delete - and move on. 1
Author WisingUp Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I just don't know how to stop this 'addiction' ! Do you think NC is the only way forward? Am I being naive to think in time I will be able to just be friends with the ex if we keep in contact occasionally? I do respect & have feelings for this lovely new guy & have been honest with him throughout but realise I am at risk of losing him if I don't sort this soon!!
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