WhiskeyJack Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 At this point I'm having a tough go of this. On Friday night my boyfriend of 5 years said he thought that maybe we should break up. We have been fighting some, he's been pulling away and I've sadly been a little bitchy and naggy. I was devastated to say the least. I never actually thought he'd feel that way and it was just a lull we had hit. I asked him a few things about why and he gavee these reasons. -He doesn't like seeing me upset, thinks I'm unhappy -He doesn't know why he's pulling away -He afraid of commitment (parents had a terrible divorce) -Says he's not sure if he sees me as a girlfriend, best friend or sister. Yeah. I made it well know that I am/was happy. And trying to give him his space. It's also hard because I live with him and I have no where else to go. He told me to continue living with him. When I asked him the next day if he wants me to get out by he said "take all the time you need, but I really don't want you to go". This is his first serious relationship as well. As of today he still isn't sure if he's happy with the choice he made, he says he feels like he's in a tennis match an neither side is winning. I get the feel it has to do with the fact that this is his first relationship and it's been 5 years. He's only 24. But if he's got the whole "I wonder what else is out there" mentality. Which I get and completely understandable. I offered to start offered a "stay together but start over and go slow" because I love this guy and don't want to lose him. He said we could try that but he doesn't want the relationship status I guess. He says he doesn't want to go out and mess around with other girls all that much, but wants the freedom to know he could. Iunno, do I give him that freedom? Would it help? I feel like after typing this I know which way his hearts going. Blah. I will not cry I will not cry. Sorry to waste your time.
headinthecloud Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this. Things will get better, but it will take work on your side. I've found that between the ages of 19 and 24 we change so dramatically, maturity wise, that we forget how significant a difference it truly is. Think of a university graduate versus a freshman - often they are at either end of the maturity scale. It sounds like you grew apart and are both unhappy. You're young and inexperienced and it sounds like he has GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). It's time to consider what you want now. Ask yourself "what do I want from this relationship?". Having the comfort of knowing someone you love who loves you back is a great security blanket, but if you're both unhappy then it's not healthy. I would never accept a man saying to me "I don't know how I feel about you" - plus, he referred the potential of you being a "sister" which screams "I love you but I'm not in love with you." It's hard to hear but it can happen and it's nobody's fault. The only thing you can do is heal and move on. I would start moving on. You deserve someone who loves you for everything you are. Accept nothing else. And it starts with you. I would say go NC (no contact) but you would have to move out first. The NC is for you to heal, not to give him space or get him back. He has already checked out of the relationship. It's time to pick yourself up and move on.
Author WhiskeyJack Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Thank you for your reply! It all makes sense. The only thing is I am/have been happy. I'm a little jaded to begin with as I was cheated on in my 2 previous relationships. I have issues with myself that I should have worked on better. And I guess I portrayed an image I was unhappy because of that. But I can say 100% I am happy. I love this guy very much. I believe he is going through GIGS, and it hurts me but I can understand it. I'm talking in circles now. My mind is just mush right now.
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