Msmahem Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Ok so i started being friends with a married guy that I worked with I'm early 20s and he's early 40s and we just saw each other as friends We would have lunch and occasionly text and call each other he would sometimes give me little pep talks like telling me off saying he would never see me in a romantic way even if he was single and that were only friends All the time he would give me lectures like that and say he didn't like me and we were just mates But then things got weird... When I left to work somewhere else he cried and hugged me and then tried to kiss me? he occasionally texts me and tells me he sniffs my jumper I left behind and that it smells like perfume. What does that mean? I'm really confused by all the weird behaviour. Can someone explain it to me I've never been in a situation like that before I really miss him as a friend but he's stopped reply to my messages he sometimes replies but rarely.
imfine Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 It means he's creepy and testing the waters to see if he can get a little on the side. If you no longer work together there is absolutely no reason for you to be in contact with him. Block his number/email and write him off. Otherwise you are participating him betraying his wife. Do you want to live with that? 6
cozycottagelg Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 It means he's creepy and testing the waters to see if he can get a little on the side. If you no longer work together there is absolutely no reason for you to be in contact with him. Block his number/email and write him off. Otherwise you are participating him betraying his wife. Do you want to live with that? This exactly. 1
Author Msmahem Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Creepy haha i thought it was cute I know what it sounds like, i do... Pathetic is an understatement but he said he "didn't see me in that way at all" And just said he enjoyed spending time with me. sometimes when I flirt with him he doesn't reply but he wants to catch up soon. I just liked the fact I could be friends with him without him wanting to get in my pants, we were really close friends. I spoke to him like I talk to my best girlfriends... I've just never had that before... We were never intimate, never kissed Is it normal that his smelling my old jumper? my friends think its creepy too but I don't. 1
wanting more Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's very weird that he's smelling your old jumper. And even weirder that he's telling you he is. 4
cozycottagelg Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) Creepy haha i thought it was cute I know what it sounds like, i do... Pathetic is an understatement but he said he "didn't see me in that way at all" And just said he enjoyed spending time with me. sometimes when I flirt with him he doesn't reply but he wants to catch up soon. I just liked the fact I could be friends with him without him wanting to get in my pants, we were really close friends. I spoke to him like I talk to my best girlfriends... I've just never had that before... We were never intimate, never kissed Is it normal that his smelling my old jumper? my friends think its creepy too but I don't. Maybe it's the delivery. If he said "I walked past your old jumper and could still smell your perfume" I wouldn't have thought creepy. But the way he said it did give me a creep vibe. In my head it was like he sought out your jumper and sniffed the crap out of it....weeeeiiiirrrrrdddddd. Edited October 21, 2013 by cozycottagelg spelling error
Author Msmahem Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Really? He's said that about 5 times to me then I begin to think he really likes me but that's all he really says to me anymore and I don't know what it means. so I'm not sure whether to tell him I like him because he said if I ever made a move on him he would freak out and tell me off haha and then another time he said "you know I wouldn't say no to you, don't you" but that was back when I didn't even like him and he was just being weird this whole situation and all the signals are confusing to me I guess I just needed strangers to analyse it instead of my friends thanks 1
wanting more Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 He's playing games with you. And it sounds like you're falling for it. There is nothing good that this will lead to. 1
imfine Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 The fact you "like" him and wonder if he likes you too is a huge red flag. I remember being young and naive. Thinking that being friends with a married guy is okay. After many more years of life experience I advise you that it's just a bad idea. You are putting yourself in the position of crossing the line with him. Technically you already are because I seriously doubt his wife knows anything of your close friendship. Put yourself in her shoes. Would you really want your husband to be close to another woman that is many years younger? Going to lunch? Texting and emailing each other? Would you really want your husband sniffing another woman's clothes? Respect yourself and her. Let this thing go. 2
The Way I Am Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) I just liked the fact I could be friends with him without him wanting to get in my pants, we were really close friends. I spoke to him like I talk to my best girlfriends... I've just never had that before... Sounds to me like he was trying to get in your pants. You've just never had a guy try to get into them that way before. Most guys your age haven't learned his tactics yet. By 40, guys are a little less obvious about it. He used the "I'm just a friend" tactic and was hoping you'd make the first move so he could convincing put the blame on you when the sh*t hit the fan. But you didn't take the bait. When you were leaving he decided to go for it before he lost his chance. But now he's back to playing the waiting game, dropping hints that he's into you, hoping you'll make the first move so when both you and his wife inevitably get pissed off a him, he can convince you both that it was you who started it. Edited October 21, 2013 by The Way I Am 2
Author Msmahem Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 That's a good theory but he would always show me pictures of his wifey and suggest that we meet always saying I should come to his house and he said we were just friends and that he told her that we always have lunch together and that she didn't care... Do you think if I caught up with him again that he would make a move?
wanting more Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 That's a good theory but he would always show me pictures of his wifey and suggest that we meet always saying I should come to his house and he said we were just friends and that he told her that we always have lunch together and that she didn't care... Do you think if I caught up with him again that he would make a move? Do you want him to make a move?
Author Msmahem Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Yeah sort of... not sure how i would react though I'd just like him too just for the satisfaction of knowing whether he's into me or not. because he says he's not but last time the hug lasted way longer then it should have... not sure whether its him or me though
Speakingofwhich Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 MsMahem, please don't be offended but I don't think him smelling your old jumper is creepy as much as it is..........hilarious! Sorry, but I lol'd a bit when I read it and imagined in my mind him sneaking a sniff! I apologize if this is an inappropriate post! I will try to do better in the future! Now the other part about anything happening between the two of you.......not funny. At all! Could send you COL!!! (crying out loud!) Would be a convenient time to discard the friendship!
Author Msmahem Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Offended! haha no it is rather humorous... I wouldn't have thought my sweaty disgusting jumper would smell that great either....but hey someone likes it. it just sucks the only time he texts me nowdays is to inform me of his sniffing habits and then the conversation dies
Speakingofwhich Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 (edited) Offended! haha no it is rather humorous... I wouldn't have thought my sweaty disgusting jumper would smell that great either....but hey someone likes it. it just sucks the only time he texts me nowdays is to inform me of his sniffing habits and then the conversation dies Another little chuckle in that the only time he texts you is to inform you of his sniffing habits! (I was going to make another joke but decided against it! Don't want to get carried away and forget why you came to LS!) So glad you weren't offended and I also was concerned about the moderators possibly chastising me! Well, honestly, there are prob a lot of lovers out there sniffing shirts, blouses, whatever, from time to time! It's just we don't often read about it on romance threads! Seriously, though, MsMahem, you have no idea how painful an R with an MM can become. It's no laughing matter at all! Just read some of these threads. There are some serious tears behind some of them, I can assure you! You are so young and will have so many opportunities with other young single men in your lifetime! Don't you want to wait for someone who can give you so much more than an MM can? Don't waste your beauty, vitality and innocence on an MM who will use you on a prn basis and then possibly toss you aside or worse yet, keep you hidden for decades in the dungeon of the OW!! Edited October 22, 2013 by Speakingofwhich grammar
Speakingofwhich Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 and PS: He is not texting you to inform you of his sniffing habits. He is texting you with a poorly veiled intimate remark hoping that it will provoke you to respond with an even more intimate remark to him in return.Thus escalating the R!! Then, he can put it all on you that things are going in that direction. As he leads you stealthily down the crooked pathway to the OW dungeon! 1
wanting more Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Yeah sort of... not sure how i would react though I'd just like him too just for the satisfaction of knowing whether he's into me or not. because he says he's not but last time the hug lasted way longer then it should have... not sure whether its him or me though I think you'll react just the way he wants you to. He's playing games with you. He's dangling the bait waiting for you to bite it. You seem very eager to find out if he's into you. It shouldn't matter if he's into you. He's married. And he likes to smell your old work jumper. Read most of the stories here. There's no good ending. There's no satisfaction in finding out he's into you. 1
harrybrown Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Block his phone, go NC with this guy. Get this bad news out of your life.
imfine Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 "Yeah sort of... not sure how i would react though I'd just like him too just for the satisfaction of knowing whether he's into me or not. because he says he's not but last time the hug lasted way longer then it should have... not sure whether its him or me though" Wow. You are looking for someone to tell you it's ok. He's showing you who he is. I if I need to spell it out for you he is a man that thinks a few little creepy texts and a goodbye hug will get him laid. That's how little he thinks of you. No conversation after a creepy text? That's because he doesn't want to converse. He wants to get in your pants. Decide how much/little you respect yourself. Decide if this little game that intrigues you is worth riding the roller coaster from hell through the lake of fire to only get thrown under a bus and ran over umpteen times. This isn't a normal hookup. He's married. 2
JamesM Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Ok so i started being friends with a married guy that I worked with All I saw was this....married. The rest doesn't matter, and honestly, you should not be flattered. YOU should be angry. How dare he play with your feelings and emotions for HIS own entertainment! How dare he who calls himself your friend deal with you less than honestly! How dare he betray his wife's trust in him and your friendship simply for a few moments of pleasure! As an "older" married man, I know what he is doing. He is giving out all of the signals that say he wants you but will not say he wants you. Then you will pursue him thinking that he wants you (which he does sexually) and he will respond. When it all falls apart (as it will), then he can blame you as coming on to him. Be offended and either tell him so that he realizes it, or leave him and find a more honest and true friend. 1
Author Msmahem Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 JameM yes that's exactly how I was trying to explain it hit the nail on the head It might seem bleedingly obvious but he's told me he doesn't see me in that way at all. Always got that lecture. I don't think he just wants to get in my pants On my last day he cried... Like balled his eyes out and his voice got all squeaky and he looked really sad. That's when I realised I liked him.
Author Msmahem Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 So I have been having an EA with an older guy for awhile and I stupidly thought he cared, like he always said you make me so happy, I'd do anything for you bla bla bla. He's always been my protector The other day I needed him as my mum has got stage 4 cancer and I needed him as a friend. He's response was yeah I'll meet you for lunch but is it ok it Debra comes... This woman I use to work with - with him and her. Is he just bringing her because he's scared something will happen between me and him or is this he's new OW, if so why would he tell me that. How can someone be this cruel I'm going insane and don't know what to do
GG3 Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 Is he dating Debra? Maybe he already had plans with that person and can't break them.
Author Msmahem Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 I immaturely tried to ask but he didn't reply. So I emailed her because she was asking me to send her something and she said I heard your catching up with Tom, would love to see you too and just invited herself. But it's like he tells me he loves me one minute and next minute talks to me like I'm a complete stranger. I don't understand we always catch up and now he's inviting her along. What the hell. I mean I know I shouldn't be upset I'm not even he's wife. But I really thought he would be there for me through a tough time and he's being so cold. ugh I guess that's karma
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