Casshern Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 My girlfriend has been the single best highlight of my life. I cannot complain about very much, I have a loving (but somewhat distant) family in which we have embarked on many adventures and journeys on. I am 19 years old and am extremely independent. I worked a job for a single summer to pay for my own food, apartment and entertainments for the next 2 years as my parents and the government co pay for my education. I am relatively physically fit, pretty well spoken, nerdy and as you can probably tell have good self esteem. My girlfriend will be 19 soon and also has a very supportive family (A million times more so than mine, but let that speak as good for them rather than bad for me). She has a warm personality, is very artistic, but is a homebody in every sense of the word. She also stresses out uncontrollably and refuses to advance her life any further due to her fears of the world. We are both virgins and high school sweet hearts. We get along greater than any couple I have ever seen before due to our mutual nature and absence of a temper. We have been together a little over a year but I sense things are starting to fall apart. Over the course of the relationship I have taken the roll as the romantic by doing little things like bringing her flowers, icecream and other surprises randomly. I love to keep her on her toes by doing little things to take her breath away. Kind of like pinning her up against a wall and making out with her or literally sweeping her feat out from under her to kiss her. Unfortunately this type of stuff makes her extremely nervous, but over the year I have slowly gotten closer and closer to her giving her every opportunity to be the aggressor and even encouraging it. I guess I am getting the hot and cold treatments. Sometimes she wont even allow me to sit on the couch next to her against her while he parents are in the house. Other times we will be in the pool and she will straddle me and rub up against me in front of her little sisters and parents. Last night this treatment was upsetting me horribly because my schedule for the past few months had been harsh in not allowing me to see her. On the rare days that I had a moment to see her again (Like the first time in 2 weeks) I leap at opportunity and ask what she is doing. She wants to sleep in rather than see me. Even after I explain to her that I really want to see her she denies me and explains how she never gets to sleep in. This has happened week after week. Last night I tried to do what I believe to be the right thing and sit her down to talk about how I feel. I start by talking about how I know her work scheduled rightfully can take priority over me, but she needs to make some amount of time to see me. I tell her how much it hurts when she denies me to do something like sleep in or read rather then see me. Rather than being defensive about that she jumps into another issue and complains about me always touching her and trying to cuddle with her. This was like a bucket of cold water over me because I thought she enjoyed these things and only found the more intimate types of activities to make her nervous. She says we are just on different levels: that I want to be on a serious pre-marital type relationship while she wants to just have fun. That is plainly not true. I guess I want a serious relationship in that its not a game im playing with her, but I am not at all questing for becoming married at this point. And by having fun I do not understand what she means. Her words sound like she just wants to have sex... at least thats how it struck me at the moment. But in context and knowing the girl very well it means she just wants to treat me like a friend that also spoils her and becomes her sole emotional punching bag? Im unsure of how I want to deal with the situation now. I love this girl very much, but the way she is treating me is starting to make me question the prospect of moving any further in our relationship. After last night she has been acting like the talk never happened. I have been torn up all day and made it plainly obvious to her that the way she feels has seriously hurt me. A few more points of our current state: She now says she has never liked it when we did ANYTHING intimate. However she used to exclaim with glee how wet I made her, this is just the way she is and there is no changing, and that she cannot make any more time for me. She also spends most of the day sitting around her house on facebook.... Now I feel like I have typed for a very long time and I am not sure how well I have portrayed our situation. To sum up my feeling at the moment: I don't feel like I can say "I love you" and not be allowed to hold you. How do you take this situation? I need help looking at this objectively.
hasekninh Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 LTR is really hard. Here my advise to guy, " It easy to be with someone, but it harder to keep them." You have a gf, but it seem harder for you to keep her. I think the feeling she has for you it fading away, I won't be surprise she break up with you. LTR is hard because both of you need to be committed into the relationship, I don't think she is. Give her space and she how she react. You can't force her to be with you or have feeling for you. Beside your young, there POF out there. What the worry, enjoy life and have fun.
Author Casshern Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I totally agree with you on all those points. Whats come up though is that neither of us have an issue keeping the relationship going... rather its like neither of us will be willing to end it if the time comes that we need to do so. I feel like she would be totally fine with keeping a stale broken relationship going on for years while I most certainly would not. In her own words after a heartbreaking conversation with me: "Im not worried about our relationships, you need to be strong." That sounds good and all, but not when we are talking about her not having enough time for me and her telling me she doesnt like any type of intimate contact. It felt more along the lines like she was saying "This is how I am so your going to have to deal with it"
hasekninh Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I totally agree with you on all those points. Whats come up though is that neither of us have an issue keeping the relationship going... rather its like neither of us will be willing to end it if the time comes that we need to do so. I feel like she would be totally fine with keeping a stale broken relationship going on for years while I most certainly would not. In her own words after a heartbreaking conversation with me: "Im not worried about our relationships, you need to be strong." That sounds good and all, but not when we are talking about her not having enough time for me and her telling me she doesnt like any type of intimate contact. It felt more along the lines like she was saying "This is how I am so your going to have to deal with it" Sometime girl are NOT open as you want them to be. I know the intimate is important for couple to show feeling, maybe she not ready, or she tired of it, or she shy. Maybe try not to have many intimate contact with her often, give her space. Some girl don't like to be intimate all the time. Maybe she not in the mood. You don't want her to think your a "pervert" right? All you want is sex? right? Don't be upset that she not making time for you, but at least she know your making time for you. She will feel bad when you make time for her and she rejected you. Soon or later she will make time for you, if she want the relationship to work. If I were you, just make time for yourself. Give her space and rethink over, if she want to spend time with you let her make an effort. Don't put to much effort on her because you might be disappointed in the end with a rejection and break up.
Author Casshern Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Sometime girl are NOT open as you want them to be. I know the intimate is important for couple to show feeling, maybe she not ready, or she tired of it, or she shy. Maybe try not to have many intimate contact with her often, give her space. Some girl don't like to be intimate all the time. Maybe she not in the mood. You don't want her to think your a "pervert" right? All you want is sex? right? Don't be upset that she not making time for you, but at least she know your making time for you. She will feel bad when you make time for her and she rejected you. Soon or later she will make time for you, if she want the relationship to work. If I were you, just make time for yourself. Give her space and rethink over, if she want to spend time with you let her make an effort. Don't put to much effort on her because you might be disappointed in the end with a rejection and break up. I will give that a try, however seeing her less often means less than once a week. And for the past few months once a week has been about 2 hours per week. Also putting my arm around her while watching a movie all of sudden has become too intimate for her.... so im worried this might mean I will totally disconnect from her. But seeing as I have tried about everything else in my power Ill give it a shot. It might be that she needs some time because she is freaking out about being kicked out of her nest. She still lives at home and doesnt drive.
hasekninh Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 It might be that she needs some time because she is freaking out about being kicked out of her nest. She still lives at home and doesnt drive. That sure is a lot of stress. Maybe she overstress and your putting to much pressure on her. Give her space.. If you were in her shoe, don't you want to give her space?
madjac74 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 OK I had to laugh a bit when you said you were 19 and she was the single most highlight of your life....and you are EXTREMELY independent while your parents and the government are paying for your education!! You kids are hilarious these days!
Els Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Other times we will be in the pool and she will straddle me and rub up against me in front of her little sisters and parents. Wait what?!?! 1
Criticality Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 She says we are just on different levels: that I want to be on a serious pre-marital type relationship while she wants to just have fun. She's rewriting your history, doesn't want you to your arm around her and avoids you... Wake up dude, she's gotten bored, isn't "in love" with you and wants to move on. She just wants you to break up, cause she's an introvert and doesn't like confrontations. There's no way to fix this, dump her and move on...
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