Pisceslady08 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) I am separated from my husband and will be pursuing divorce in the next few months. I met this new guy while I was still living with my husband, we exchanged a few text messages but he knew I was married and I wasn't thinking about cheating. My husband knows him, they are not close but they know each other. So I have been dating this new guy for about 2 months now, things seem great, he is very respectful, he takes me on "real dates"- dinner, movies, activities together and doesn't seem like he is looking for an opportunity to get in my pants. We have talked about our situation, since the idea that we all know each other was troubling us, and if my ex were to see us together, he would probably think I was cheating this whole time. This new guy seems reasonable and understands this is an awkward situation and has told me he does not want to pressure me into anything I'm not comfortable with. My question is , I have been seeing him maybe twice a week for the last 2 of months, and in the beginning we were talking just as "friends" but we've kissed several times now and we've held hands and hugged but I'm confused as I don't know where to take this anymore. I know I can't officially be his gf because I'm still legally married, but I'm afraid I'm going to fall in love with him if we continue being this close and affectionate. This guy seems interested, because he contacts me every day and makes plans at least once a week, he's also introduced me to a few of his friends and seems to have a lot of activities planned for us in the next few months.. Should I stop seeing him? Should I talk to him about us? (its probably the most efficient thing to do but I don't want him to think I'm desperate for a relationship) or should I just keep seeing him and see where it goes?? I don't like occasionally dating people, I prefer more serious intimate relationships- I am not thinking marriage.. but something more stable than friends with benefits! Any input will be appreciated! BTW, we have not had sex yet. If you would like more info on my ex you can take a look at my last thread. Thanks. Edited October 21, 2013 by Pisceslady08
Author Pisceslady08 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Anyone??? 140 views and no replies
SJC2008 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Anyone??? 140 views and no replies You've already cheated on your husband so what's your question?
Arabella Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 You've already cheated on your husband so what's your question? How has she cheated? They're separated.
SJC2008 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 How has she cheated? They're separated. You're either married or divorced. She's making out with him so why not go all the way.
cif Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 OP, you should have the mods move this to infidelity. You'll get more replies that way. This is the dating section.
CarrieT Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 PiscesLady, when somebody divorces there is a process of mourning the loss of the relationship. It takes time to heal, process, and get comfortable again in one's own skin - alone. By seeing this guy, you are not even giving yourself time to finish the one relationship you are in before entertaining the idea of another one. This ultimately means it will probably fail. You are still married and still have an attachment to your husband. If you are truly going to get a divorce, then do so. It isn't fair to the guy you are "dating" because you are not emotionally free and able to engage in a new relationship yet. 8
scorpiogirl Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I agree with CarrieT that you should take your time. I've never been married so I wouldn't know how it feels to end a marriage but after any relationship ends we need time to figure ourselves out. A divorce is also not an easy process, so while he's being understanding and probably good support now, it could become too much for both of you and you won't get the chance to see what might have been. Maybe you should just focus on you for now and put new relationships on the back burner. It could also make things unnecessarily difficult with your husband if he does indeed assume you've been cheating on him. 1
phineas Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Yeah, i'm friends with a really great beautiful woman. I avoided any & all invitations from her to hang out alone. I only hang with her in groups. She's going through a divorce & the husband is living in another part of the house & from what her & her friends say it's ugly. U G L Y ugly. I will not go there because once her world turns upside down at the completion there is a very goof chance that for any guy she is with, it will not end well.
Arabella Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 You're either married or divorced. She's making out with him so why not go all the way. Hardly. If both spouses agree the relationship is over, divorce or not, then it is over and she's doing nothing wrong. Especially if the other guy is aware of the situation.
RonaldS Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 As somebody who is divorced after a 3 year separation, I would tell you not to out a whole lot of significance into any feelings you have for this guy. Depending on the situation leading to your separation and, ultimately, divorce, it takes years to wade through the transition/recovery. Post this in the Separation and Dovorce forum. A lot of people there have been where you are.
Author Pisceslady08 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Thanks everyone for your comments. I agree with most that has been said here- specially in regards to taking my time to figure out what I will do with my life. He has asked me out, as his girlfriend recently but out of respect for my ex I said I couldn't and that I needed time.. even though I really like him, I think its only fair to wait, as he seems emotionally invested and I don't want to disappoint him in this very confusing time in my life.
Phantom888 Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I experienced this EXACT same thing 4 years ago. I was newly divorced, and she was still married. She told me she was gonna separate, but that dragged on for months. Finally her husband moved out. A few months later, her husband wanted to move back in, and that's when she and her kids moved in with me. We lived together for less than a year, and we broke up, because fundamentally she was not ready to let go of her previous lifestyle, and she was putting too much strain on my life. We waited 3 months before we had sex for the 1st time. She felt guilty for cheating, but I thought maybe they were separated emotionally so that it's not cheating. BIG MISTAKE.
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