Nickyg Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I've been with this girl for about 3 months now. We've had a normal relationship except for a few fights and a few miscommunications, but we always work it out and she and I have fun whenever we hang out. She recently just got on birth control for the first time and ever since she's been kind of different, but she hasn't been too bad. About a week and a few days ago, she and I got into an argument about stuff that didn't really matter, I told her I didn't want her to see this guy and she said she won't and that it's fine, she was just curious about how I felt about it and wanted to know if I would be mad about it. I told her I felt like I wasn't getting out of the relationship what I put in as in I wouldn't ask her to hang out with a girl if there was a possibility of it hurting me and she kind of took it the wrong way that she isn't giving me enough, but I've made it clear that it's not the case. She seemed fine after that even calling me use to chat for two days in a row. Tuesday of last week, I went to her place to pick her up for a date and she seemed upset. She mentioned that maybe our relationship wasn't healthy and that maybe she really can't give me what I want. She also said she feels like our relationship is so different cause we never went through an infatuation stage so she doesn't know if that's healthy. I told her I have no complaints with the relationship and that I feel like I get as much time as I can with her despite her busy schedule with medical school test, school, family issues, friends, and work. But I made it clear that if she doesn't feel happy, she can leave. And she said I just wanted to clear things up and we went on our date and it was great, she even texted me after saying she had a great time and even called me babe. For days after she continued to call me babe and texted me when she could even though she isn't always around her phone. Thursday she came over and she seemed very distant, claiming her PMS and her reaction to her new birth control (nueva ring) made her feel weird, sick, gross, and confused. We snuggled on my bed and she seemed fine until we went outside and she mentioned our conversation on Tuesday again saying she's just not 100% sure. I just let it be and told her that I've made my case, I can't say anything else and she should do what makes her happy.mshe agreed, went upstairs and cuddled with me for awhile more before her interview for some research opportunity. This whole weekend, she hasn't texted me much at all and really hasn't made any connection with me, I credit it to her cell biology test this Friday that she's probably stressed about but she hasn't really been responsive. I've heard that PMS and new birth control can really f*** with a girls head and I've been told most girls want to be alone, are confused about everything, moody, and just overall angry. Should I be concerned? We have an event this Friday to which she is accompanying me and we dress up and go to dinner and a bar and I'm afraid she may only be staying with me till then or maybe she's really just irritable and confused cause of her time of the month. Any help? Please.
Archanaart Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I've been with this girl for about 3 months now. We've had a normal relationship except for a few fights and a few miscommunications, but we always work it out and she and I have fun whenever we hang out. She recently just got on birth control for the first time and ever since she's been kind of different, but she hasn't been too bad. About a week and a few days ago, she and I got into an argument about stuff that didn't really matter, I told her I didn't want her to see this guy and she said she won't and that it's fine, she was just curious about how I felt about it and wanted to know if I would be mad about it. I told her I felt like I wasn't getting out of the relationship what I put in as in I wouldn't ask her to hang out with a girl if there was a possibility of it hurting me and she kind of took it the wrong way that she isn't giving me enough, but I've made it clear that it's not the case. She seemed fine after that even calling me use to chat for two days in a row. Tuesday of last week, I went to her place to pick her up for a date and she seemed upset. She mentioned that maybe our relationship wasn't healthy and that maybe she really can't give me what I want. She also said she feels like our relationship is so different cause we never went through an infatuation stage so she doesn't know if that's healthy. I told her I have no complaints with the relationship and that I feel like I get as much time as I can with her despite her busy schedule with medical school test, school, family issues, friends, and work. But I made it clear that if she doesn't feel happy, she can leave. And she said I just wanted to clear things up and we went on our date and it was great, she even texted me after saying she had a great time and even called me babe. For days after she continued to call me babe and texted me when she could even though she isn't always around her phone. Thursday she came over and she seemed very distant, claiming her PMS and her reaction to her new birth control (nueva ring) made her feel weird, sick, gross, and confused. We snuggled on my bed and she seemed fine until we went outside and she mentioned our conversation on Tuesday again saying she's just not 100% sure. I just let it be and told her that I've made my case, I can't say anything else and she should do what makes her happy.mshe agreed, went upstairs and cuddled with me for awhile more before her interview for some research opportunity. This whole weekend, she hasn't texted me much at all and really hasn't made any connection with me, I credit it to her cell biology test this Friday that she's probably stressed about but she hasn't really been responsive. I've heard that PMS and new birth control can really f*** with a girls head and I've been told most girls want to be alone, are confused about everything, moody, and just overall angry. Should I be concerned? We have an event this Friday to which she is accompanying me and we dress up and go to dinner and a bar and I'm afraid she may only be staying with me till then or maybe she's really just irritable and confused cause of her time of the month. Any help? Please. First of all, only three months into the relationship and you're already making demands that she can't see people she knows. What do you mean by it was an argument about stuff that doesn't really matter? I mean like why are you arguing about something that doesn't matter in your opinion. Arguments should be about important real issues not stuff that doesn't matter. And three months in. You should be in the happy honeymoon phase. What do you mean by recent? It takes time to adjust to birth control and to see if it is having a negative impact. That's why they usually give a three month prescription then a check up. Some girls do blame pms for their actions and moods. It's like a scapegoat. Btw I am girl so I can say that. Everyone reacts differently during their pms time. So your observation that we're overall angry can be wrong in some circumstances. Don't overgeneralize. For example, I get very lovingly and cuddly with my boyfriend when I'm pmsing. I need like to spend lots of time with him when I'm pmsing because he makes me feel better. Therefore, I don't want to be alone or get angry much and even if I do I know that I am being irrational and emotional. So I apologize and take a moment before I react to a situation. In my experience I don't ignore my boyfriend or become distant during that time of the month. Maybe you should ask her if there really is something wrong and stop chalking it up to her birth control and pms. Her pms and birth control can be having a negative impact but why not talk with her about it and find a solution to better the relationship and her current mental health state.
Author Nickyg Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 First of all, only three months into the relationship and you're already making demands that she can't see people she knows. What do you mean by it was an argument about stuff that doesn't really matter? I mean like why are you arguing about something that doesn't matter in your opinion. Arguments should be about important real issues not stuff that doesn't matter. And three months in. You should be in the happy honeymoon phase. What do you mean by recent? It takes time to adjust to birth control and to see if it is having a negative impact. That's why they usually give a three month prescription then a check up. Some girls do blame pms for their actions and moods. It's like a scapegoat. Btw I am girl so I can say that. Everyone reacts differently during their pms time. So your observation that we're overall angry can be wrong in some circumstances. Don't overgeneralize. For example, I get very lovingly and cuddly with my boyfriend when I'm pmsing. I need like to spend lots of time with him when I'm pmsing because he makes me feel better. Therefore, I don't want to be alone or get angry much and even if I do I know that I am being irrational and emotional. So I apologize and take a moment before I react to a situation. In my experience I don't ignore my boyfriend or become distant during that time of the month. Maybe you should ask her if there really is something wrong and stop chalking it up to her birth control and pms. Her pms and birth control can be having a negative impact but why not talk with her about it and find a solution to better the relationship and her current mental health state. We argued about her seeing a guy that I KNOW is trying to step on my turf with her. She says she won't see him, which is fine, but the mere fact that they've used to hookup for a long time is just something in which I am not comfortable. About a month ago is when she started birth control, it's made her feel weird and now that she's in the middle of her cycle (starts today I believe) she's even more off the wall considering the nuvaring throws hormones off balance and she's already a hormonal beast on her cycles. She told me she's aware of the fact that she's weird and that her birth control/time of the month are making her act weird. I apologize for the over generalization, she just made it clear that she's aware of her pissy attitude and her confused/paranoid state of mind that she's in. I've backed off a bit and have her the space she needs, especially since she has a big test coming up this Friday. I left her a card and note inside at her apartment yesterday telling her good luck on her test and that I hope she feels better, I kept it light and funny. She hasn't been to her apartment yet, though considering she's been going home to her parents often including today I presume. I've also heard of girls that become distant during their period/PMS cause they don't want to say or do anything that could disrupt or change anything while they're not themselves. She definitely hasn't been herself. Honestly, I just want to know where she stands. She called me babe today and even said she's excited for this formal event I'm taking her to this Friday, she just doesn't really text much or anything, but I do recognize that she's got a very difficult test the day of our formal event so I'm not gonna push the issue. We've talked about the issues, and she said she's just confused and maybe paranoid saying she doesn't want to make any decisions or do anything drastic until she knows if she's really upset with the relationship or if she's just overthinking. I give her space, I don't ask her to come over, and I text her only when she texts me or if I have a quick question.
theediblewoman Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I personally hated being on any birth control pill I've ever tried. I felt out of control emotionally, felt sad and depressed for no reason, would cry at the drop of a hat....it was insane. I have been off the pill for almost 2 years and have never felt better. A few of my friends have also felt they were not themselves on the pill,so it is a possibility that it's affecting her. I got no real tips for you other than pay attention to the changes and tell her to do the same and see if it coincides with anything else making her upset. 1
Author Nickyg Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I personally hated being on any birth control pill I've ever tried. I felt out of control emotionally, felt sad and depressed for no reason, would cry at the drop of a hat....it was insane. I have been off the pill for almost 2 years and have never felt better. A few of my friends have also felt they were not themselves on the pill,so it is a possibility that it's affecting her. I got no real tips for you other than pay attention to the changes and tell her to do the same and see if it coincides with anything else making her upset. I hope that's all it is so I can speak with her like a normal human being instead of this hormonal beast. I've read up on some things about this and it pretty much says that if she's acting distant, which she is, then I should just dump her... Thing is she still calls me babe and love and what not, but she really doesn't respond to many texts for long, and most of her texts are in reference to what im wearing to the formal event to which she is coming with me. I'm wondering if I should just pull the plug or if she's just stressed with school and her menstrual cycle isn't helping. Any help? I understand girls are all differenT, but what would you think?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Sorry OP, but this cannot all be pinned on birth control. Yes, hormonal contraception and PMS can make us irritable but it shouldn't cause a long-term change in personality. If it does, she needs to see a doctor as soon as possible. She's pulling away for some other reason, and the hormonal changes she's experiencing are aggravating the situation. It sounds like there are other underlying issues in the relationship that have come to a head around the same time she started taking birth control. To me, this semms like a temporal - not a causal - relationship. 1
man_in_the_box Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Birth control had a tremendous effect on my girlfriend - I'm not going to go into details but lets just say it played a huge role as catalyst in demolishing our relationship. Were never going back to that ****
Archanaart Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I hope that's all it is so I can speak with her like a normal human being instead of this hormonal beast. I've read up on some things about this and it pretty much says that if she's acting distant, which she is, then I should just dump her... Thing is she still calls me babe and love and what not, but she really doesn't respond to many texts for long, and most of her texts are in reference to what im wearing to the formal event to which she is coming with me. I'm wondering if I should just pull the plug or if she's just stressed with school and her menstrual cycle isn't helping. Any help? I understand girls are all differenT, but what would you think? Some women use terms like babe or love while speaking with friends or even strangers. I've been called sweetie before by random strangers while out shopping. It doesn't necessarily have to have a sexual or relationship connotation to it. I think you're putting way too much emphasis on the birth control and pms. You're making it sound like women turn into a whole new person or monster and start scheming. The best way I can put it and its true for me, is that I feel as if my emotions are heightened. I don't go around thinking damn I'm gonna become distant and not respond to my boyfriend. We text everyday and I don't change my texting habits when I'm pmsing. If I need to have time for myself, I just let him know and he always says that I can come back when I want to. She sounds like a busy person and you won't know where she stands unless you speak with her. As for reading that you should dump her because she becomes distant, that's up to you. But I can say that I think there's more at play here than her current hormone levels. I don't suddenly think I should dump my boyfriend when I'm pmsing. I actually becoming clingy and loving. I pretty much attach myself like a monkey to him when he's around I agree with the above post that there's more at play than just hormones. I'm tired of people placing all the emphasis on pms and birth control
GoreSP Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I tried nuvaring twice and I was an emotional wreck both times. I decided to not try to fix something that wasn't broken and just went back on the pill - which has been fin for me since the beginning.
Author Nickyg Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Some women use terms like babe or love while speaking with friends or even strangers. I've been called sweetie before by random strangers while out shopping. It doesn't necessarily have to have a sexual or relationship connotation to it. I think you're putting way too much emphasis on the birth control and pms. You're making it sound like women turn into a whole new person or monster and start scheming. The best way I can put it and its true for me, is that I feel as if my emotions are heightened. I don't go around thinking damn I'm gonna become distant and not respond to my boyfriend. We text everyday and I don't change my texting habits when I'm pmsing. If I need to have time for myself, I just let him know and he always says that I can come back when I want to. She sounds like a busy person and you won't know where she stands unless you speak with her. As for reading that you should dump her because she becomes distant, that's up to you. But I can say that I think there's more at play here than her current hormone levels. I don't suddenly think I should dump my boyfriend when I'm pmsing. I actually becoming clingy and loving. I pretty much attach myself like a monkey to him when he's around I agree with the above post that there's more at play than just hormones. I'm tired of people placing all the emphasis on pms and birth control Well she's made it clear that terms like babe and terms of endearment of that sort should only be for relationships. She wouldn't let me call her babe for a long time, but a few weeks ago she said she feels like I'm a good guy and that calling her babe and what not wont worry her, cause she's told me that she had trouble with her last ex calling other girls babe, so I don't think it's the whole anyone can be called babe for her. As far as PMS goes, she's told me that she's worried that she can't always give me what I want and that maybe I deserve someone that won't always be busy and will give me more time cause she can't always do that. I told her that as long as she's loyal, trustworthy, and sees me when she's not boggled with school/responsibilities, then I can't complain. Cause I do really like this girl, she's been through a lot as far as relationships go, and I'm in the same boat so we both try to just have a normal/healthy relationship. She's also afraid that we didn't have that "honeymoon phase" cause we're both very busy and didn't have time to ALWAYS make time for one another and she's worried that maybe this relationship won't go anywhere because she never got that period of "infatuation" (false idea of love). She's normally not bad when she PMS or period, but the birth control has thrown her hormones out of whack, like she got goose bumps from me just touching her arm, that's how weird she felt. As a science major, I know that hormone levels can effect muscle stimuli and other perceptions as well as the psyche and the sex drive/mood. So I can't 100% blame her for how her menstrual cycle makes her feel. As far as dumping her, I feel like if I ask what's wrong, she'll explain to me what I've already explained to you all. I have given her space, and she's got a big test Friday so I don't push any issue, but I just want her to be more open about everything she's feeling as of now.
Archanaart Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 As far as dumping her, I feel like if I ask what's wrong, she'll explain to me what I've already explained to you all. I have given her space, and she's got a big test Friday so I don't push any issue, but I just want her to be more open about everything she's feeling as of now. Of her birth control is such an issue then advise that she go see a doctor and try a different method. She's only making herself and you suffer the more she prolongs it. Don't tell us that, tell her that. She needs to be able to communicate and not break down and use pms and birth control as excuses. She has a lot of options to change her birth control and she can't let pms run her life and stop communicating. It's not healthy. Just leaver her alone and let her focus on her test. And if she's having problems with her birth control and doesn't change it then it's on her. Ask her during a different time in her cycle and when she's not busy about where she stands. Sounds like she has doubts.
Author Nickyg Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Of her birth control is such an issue then advise that she go see a doctor and try a different method. She's only making herself and you suffer the more she prolongs it. Don't tell us that, tell her that. She needs to be able to communicate and not break down and use pms and birth control as excuses. She has a lot of options to change her birth control and she can't let pms run her life and stop communicating. It's not healthy. Just leaver her alone and let her focus on her test. And if she's having problems with her birth control and doesn't change it then it's on her. Ask her during a different time in her cycle and when she's not busy about where she stands. Sounds like she has doubts. She definitely has doubts and it didn't help that her period started yesterday and that she's hormonally all over the place. Lol it made her even more paranoid about it. But yes, I don't plan on doing anything right now seeing as she has her test and she made it clear that she doesn't want me to bring anything up to her if she has a test that week just so she can focus. Maybe it's a dumb test to see if she acting distant will make me question her before her test or to see if I would give her space.
crederer Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Is she just like this while PMSing or is it all the time? My ex got some new meds (not birth control) and it made her feel basially the same as you're describing. It had a tremendously negative impact on our relationship and I think it was a big factor as to why we broke up.
Author Nickyg Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Is she just like this while PMSing or is it all the time? My ex got some new meds (not birth control) and it made her feel basially the same as you're describing. It had a tremendously negative impact on our relationship and I think it was a big factor as to why we broke up. Just recently since she's been on birth control and since her menstrual cycle has begun. She texted me today "babe, I'm trying to find a dress to match you for this Friday, but I give up. Lilac isn't a fall color and I've looked everywhere."
GoreSP Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Just recently since she's been on birth control and since her menstrual cycle has begun. She texted me today "babe, I'm trying to find a dress to match you for this Friday, but I give up. Lilac isn't a fall color and I've looked everywhere." Is this what you consider distant behaviour or PMS?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Well she's made it clear that terms like babe and terms of endearment of that sort should only be for relationships. She wouldn't let me call her babe for a long time, but a few weeks ago she said she feels like I'm a good guy and that calling her babe and what not wont worry her, cause she's told me that she had trouble with her last ex calling other girls babe, so I don't think it's the whole anyone can be called babe for her. As far as PMS goes, she's told me that she's worried that she can't always give me what I want and that maybe I deserve someone that won't always be busy and will give me more time cause she can't always do that. I told her that as long as she's loyal, trustworthy, and sees me when she's not boggled with school/responsibilities, then I can't complain. Cause I do really like this girl, she's been through a lot as far as relationships go, and I'm in the same boat so we both try to just have a normal/healthy relationship. She's also afraid that we didn't have that "honeymoon phase" cause we're both very busy and didn't have time to ALWAYS make time for one another and she's worried that maybe this relationship won't go anywhere because she never got that period of "infatuation" (false idea of love). She's normally not bad when she PMS or period, but the birth control has thrown her hormones out of whack, like she got goose bumps from me just touching her arm, that's how weird she felt. As a science major, I know that hormone levels can effect muscle stimuli and other perceptions as well as the psyche and the sex drive/mood. So I can't 100% blame her for how her menstrual cycle makes her feel. As far as dumping her, I feel like if I ask what's wrong, she'll explain to me what I've already explained to you all. I have given her space, and she's got a big test Friday so I don't push any issue, but I just want her to be more open about everything she's feeling as of now. This has nothing to do with PMS. She has legitimate doubts and fears.
Author Nickyg Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Is this what you consider distant behaviour or PMS? Well she's on her period. So I guess it's hormone problems still, but that's a normal text. I think she's slowly getting back to normal....
Author Nickyg Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 This has nothing to do with PMS. She has legitimate doubts and fears. I mean I've seen first hand that this mix of PMS and birth control is making her doubts and concerns even more significant to her, cause she's always been afraid about this whole honeymoon phase thing, but we've carried on as usual. It's not like we choose to be that way, we just both don't have time to be infatuated, it seems almost as if this is more realistic of a relationship in that sense, but I can tell she does like that whole honeymoon phase considering it makes her feel like she's on cloud 9 when she sees me, but she's always been kind of concerned about that, her PMS just doesn't do it justice.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 I am and have been on several different types of birth control (in the form of combination pills), and they didn't make me go "crazy". Nor did my PMS in the past. Some of my friends claim they had "crazy" mood swings when they were on certain pills , but who knows. I don't really think the pill affected my moods negatively. But maybe it affects people differently. Still, that doesn't explain / justify your ridiculous demands from her. And yes, some women will blame PMS and/or birth control for an argument or whatever.. it doesn't mean it's true..
Author Nickyg Posted October 23, 2013 Author Posted October 23, 2013 I am and have been on several different types of birth control (in the form of combination pills), and they didn't make me go "crazy". Nor did my PMS in the past. Some of my friends claim they had "crazy" mood swings when they were on certain pills , but who knows. I don't really think the pill affected my moods negatively. But maybe it affects people differently. Still, that doesn't explain / justify your ridiculous demands from her. And yes, some women will blame PMS and/or birth control for an argument or whatever.. it doesn't mean it's true.. Yeah, it does affect everyone differently. She was acting very pissy and was very off, she was so afraid that her interview for a research opportunity would go horribly wrong because she was so "out there" that day and had been for a few days. She's been getting better, she's just really stressed about her cell bio exam this Friday, but she's called me babe still, not just in passing such as: "thanks babe." But more so referring to me as babe: "babe, I need to match this shirt." So I guess it'll just take some time for her to relieve some stress and maybe see me at this Friday formal party.
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