MEN: What incentives are there in a "more than friends, but less than a relationship"

[Divasu]

You people crack me up.

Do you honestly think there would be any type of "friendship" if you removed sex from the equation?

 

The only reason why you remain "friends" is because there are self serving BENEFITS associated with it. It is not a genuine friendship otherwise.

[Leigh 87]

You people crack me up.

Do you honestly think there would be any type of "friendship" if you removed sex from the equation?

 

The only reason why you remain "friends" is because there are self serving BENEFITS associated with it. It is not a genuine friendship otherwise.

 

 

 

Yeah we are. We hung out without sex before and we do after.

 

Why is it so hard to believe?

 

Some friends have sexual chemistry. Some don't.

 

My ex fwbs and I still talk a lot. I helped one deal with his best mate dying .....

 

You don't really have the faintest idea how my ex fbs and I value each other...

 

I met one of mine overseas when we were both with other people. We both love traveling and make each other laugh; as FRIENDS.

 

I have enough friends to figure out who my genuine friends are.

 

Only one fwb turned out NOT to want a close friendship after the sex.

[Divasu]

Yeah we are. We hung out without sex before and we do after.

 

Why is it so hard to believe?

 

Some friends have sexual chemistry. Some don't.

 

My ex fwbs and I still talk a lot. I helped one deal with his best mate dying .....

 

You don't really have the faintest idea how my ex fbs and I value each other...

 

I met one of mine overseas when we were both with other people. We both love traveling and make each other laugh; as FRIENDS.

 

I have enough friends to figure out who my genuine friends are.

 

Only one fwb turned out NOT to want a close friendship after the sex.

 

This is where you blurry the lines. Two friends, having SEX without being emotionally involved. But, you're describing it in a way that suggests you both ARE emotionally involved. "We're good friends who have sex yadda yadda yadda".

 

Let's not glamorize it in a way that could be impressionable. Painting a false sense of the dynamic versus calling it what it really is.

[Shepp]

I've done the 'more than friends, less than a relationship" - we weren't fwb thou, we never slept together, thou we had the odd kiss here and there, but basically I was practically the boyfriend but without the label.

 

Incentives? The incentive was her, she just wasn't ready for a relationship, she didn't want anyone too close, but I was getting closer every single day, closer than I think me, her or anyone else ever thought i'd get to having a proper relationship with her.

But aside from that I did genuinely enjoy her company - which is probably why it never really got me down...if friends was all we ever would be, well then I liked having her as a friend. You can never have to many friends right? and she was a good one, a loyal one.

 

Shes my girlfriend now so it was all time well spent - all the best things in life take a little hard work.

[youaremysunshine]

I don't know, I'm not that emotionally attached. At least to the sex part cause I had no problem. We do have lots of serious talks though. A few weeks ago we were sitting in his back yard and he cried a bit cause his parents are getting divorced. I felt like I behaved like a friend at that point. He listens about my stuff too.

[Shepp]

The thing is Leigh, it sounds like you are in a relationship with your FWB the difference is what you choose to call it, and the level of commitment.

 

You spend time together, enjoy each others non sexual company, you enjoy sex with each other...

 

Tell me has he ever escorted you to an event? If so then you my friend are in a pretty decent relationship and don't even know it.

 

This was totally the case with my girlfriend.....my nan was convinced we were dating from when we were 15, to her anything else was "nonsense"

 

It wasn't one sided or anything, she was the one who wanted it to stay friends only but she came to all my family events, she spent Christmas with us, she sat by the side of my hospital bed for days when I was hurt, she spent valentines day babysitting my nephews with me, she took me places like her mums grave where she'd never visited with anyone else.

 

We already had a good relationship, I just needed her to believe in it a bit more.

[Leigh 87]

This is where you blurry the lines. Two friends, having SEX without being emotionally involved. But, you're describing it in a way that suggests you both ARE emotionally involved. "We're good friends who have sex yadda yadda yadda".

 

Let's not glamorize it in a way that could be impressionable. Painting a false sense of the dynamic versus calling it what it really is.

 

 

 

We are genuinely friends. Who hook up occasionally. Their looks and my looks are good enough for each other to be considered as dating material.

 

For reasons, we don't want a romantic relationship. Yet, we are still friends. I am 100% certain my fwbs are genuinely my friends.

 

 

We simply don't have strong romantic feelings.

 

I honestly didn't care when the previous fwd decided do become exclusive with a girl he met before me.

 

We are emotionally involved. We just don't care that much if they meet the right person for a relationship.

[Lost561]

Actually, my fwb appreciate my 120 lbs size 4, 5f 5 frame. They definitely don't treat me like I'm not hot enough or good enough to date. Fact, they often lament that they wish their exes had a body like mine and had such a positive personality?

 

Some fwb have actually said they enjoy just hanging with me MORE than their exes. They just happen to fall hard for girls who end up having a lackluster personality.

 

Like me, they are fussy as to who they build a relationship with. Having adequate looks and personal attributes are NOT enough to build a relationship with.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm definitely not dumb enough to spread my legs for a person who looks at me as " a girl that isn't good enough to date, and is only good for sex".

 

 

No. Some people with fwb actually respect themselves. .......

 

As I said, my fwb are ALWAYS genuine friends wayyyyy before we even think about the " benefits" side of things. .........

 

 

It's basically like: okay, we are both single, horny and NOT just going to date unless someone really special comes along. we like talking for hours on end and we are very attracted to each other. Why not use each other for occasion benefits?

 

 

A Booty Call the thing guys reserve for girls that they don't like enough to spend time with outside of sex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not every one can fall head over heals for someone just because they are attractive and have an amazing personality.

 

Fwb doesn't mean they don't find you attractive enough to date; it doesn't mean they dont like your personality enough to date. They just aren't falling in love with you. It's nothing to do with not being " good enough"

 

 

 

Fwb gets a really bad wrap. Too bad for people like me who are very selective as to who I fwb with, who only has one fwb at a given time and who PREFERE a loving relationship yet doesn't want to wait for a year or two for the right person to come along!

 

 

I agree with most of what you said here, disagree with other parts. It seems as though the OP wants to be in a relationship with the man but the dude only wants FWB from her post. Maybe I need to go back and re-read.

 

I have been attracted to FWB MORE than women I have dated at times and had great times with them and still talk to them except 1 who was bitter and resentful when she saw me at a nightclub with another woman so I don't think FWBs are trash either. But the OP doesn't want that situation.

 

I will say that I disagree that having great looks and an amazing personality isn't enough to get you in a relationship with somebody.. Depending on what you mean by amazing personality. If you mean having the qualities that make you feel comfortable and trustworthy and good than yes I disagree. And looks are probably the reason that the OP is being FWB-zoned. That's just my opinion though from the information I've been given and knowing men's behavior.

 

If a man doesn't have any options than he will take the relationship with a woman as long as she is decently pretty. The man knows that he won't be getting any sex because this woman (the op) told him it won't work out as FWB so he can either not get laid.. Or he has other options