Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Granted I understand there are larger age gaps and she is turning 18 in a month (he is 5 1/2 years older than her) but the fact that he is dating somebody so young, does that show his lack of insecurity within himself and wanted someone that was "easy" and didn't require him to think too much? I'm 22 and we were together for almost 2 years up until January. We didn't speak to each other until we ran into each other in June and feelings came back, he said he was never with anyone else and was still in love with me but felt as though we needed time to grow and didn't want to prematurely get back together. We saw each other twice after, only slept with each other once, and spoke a few times through text messaging. I am very close with his friends, and I found out recently that the entire time we were broken up even before we ran into each other he was conflicted and went back and forth on whether to contact me and work things out or not. We did not end badly, we essentially broke up saying we needed time apart and that we both loved each other with all our hearts. I found out he was fooling around with her on and off for about 2 months before it became official. He contacted me once three weeks before it became official and asked me to come over, to which I said no. After that he stopped contacting me, and I found out last week him and this girl became official. His friends say that while they are his friends first and foremost, they agree with me and do not like the girl and do not trust her. They said that my ex is acting immaturely and when he was with me he really started to mature, but that when we broke up his actions became more immature as the months went on, and that this was the icing on the cake. They said the day he found out I knew about this girl, he was quiet all night and acted "weird" and they could tell something was seriously bothering him. One of his best friends said that he hasn't even mentioned this girl is his new gf to him, and that he acts as if he is trying to avoid speaking about me because he gets uncomfortable around his friend. He knows his friend is friends with me and it never bothered him, he in fact used to love it. I guess I just need input or opinions on what he could be thinking. I feel like it has to do with insecurity, that he does not want to face his feelings for me because that would mean he would have to face making changes that he may not be ready to do, or grow up. When we ran into each other he literally cried when I told him I feel like he is lost and said that I was right. That he doesn't know what he is doing with his life, and that he is trying to take it day by day. Just very confused and to be honest pretty hurt that someone who told his family and friends that I was "the one" for him would act so irrationally and not think of the ramifications of his actions when his friends and my friends see he is making a big mistake.
Balzac Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Why do you waste brain energy on anything he's doing? At 22/18 they're having fun, not looking for a life partner. Expecting him to be looking for a long term gig at that age is delusional. Be glad you too can now have fun.
Eggplant Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's okay. Why shouldn't they date? She's not a baby.
Eggplant Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Why do you waste brain energy on anything he's doing? At 22/18 they're having fun, not looking for a life partner. Expecting him to be looking for a long term gig at that age is delusional. Be glad you too can now have fun.Disagree... why shouldn't they be looking for a life partner? Maybe they're not, but it's not delusional.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's okay. Why shouldn't they date? She's not a baby. I'm more so thinking of what happened between us recently. I'm not focused on the age as a number as much as I am on the reasons behind him being with her.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Disagree... why shouldn't they be looking for a life partner? Maybe they're not, but it's not delusional. It's not delusional. He told me at 22 he thought I was the one for him. He told his family and friends. We used to talk about our future all the time.
Balzac Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I believe it's related to education:career aspirations. Thecultural reality I live in knows very few 24yo men looking to settle down. I concede bias on the culture. I happen to hold the belief that at that age much personal development is yet to occur.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I believe it's related to education:career aspirations. Thecultural reality I live in knows very few 24yo men looking to settle down. I concede bias on the culture. I happen to hold the belief that at that age much personal development is yet to occur. While I completely agree with you, I think it's also possible to meet someone who you would like to settle down with but are not ready to at that time. Like the whole "bad timing" scenario.
madjac74 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Granted I understand there are larger age gaps and she is turning 18 in a month (he is 5 1/2 years older than her) but the fact that he is dating somebody so young, does that show his lack of insecurity within himself and wanted someone that was "easy" and didn't require him to think too much?. Because she is 18ish you assume she is just a dumb girl to sleep with? Maybe he finds her more intellectual than you. Maybe there isn't anything sexual at all. It isn't any of your business since you are an "ex"
emva07 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I don't think there is an answer as to why he's with her that we can give you here as a 3rd party...he may not even know himself. I don't think the age gap is great enough to call insecurity.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I don't think there is an answer as to why he's with her that we can give you here as a 3rd party...he may not even know himself. I don't think the age gap is great enough to call insecurity. While that is true, nobody has really mentioned the parts about me. I would like to know why he was upset that I knew about his relationship. If someone wanted to be with someone else 100%, while the thought that his ex gf knew he had a new gf would cross his mind it wouldn't be something he would dwell on or let bother him. It was almost as if he didn't want me to know, thinking I would be waiting around patiently while he could do what he needed to do now and then come back when he was ready.
Balzac Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Sadly you're still focused on him. Move on. Focus on yourself.
emva07 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Maybe it is as you say, he is immature, you are more mature and he feels that you deserve better. This girl may be immature with him, and he is content with giving her his immature side. This is just a possibility.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Yeah I guess the only option at this point is to just let it go and focus on myself. It's just frustrating and hard to look at someone you love and care struggle and make stupid choices and knowing you can't do anything to help them.
madjac74 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Yeah I guess the only option at this point is to just let it go and focus on myself. It's just frustrating and hard to look at someone you love and care struggle and make stupid choices and knowing you can't do anything to help them. How do you know he is making a stupid choice? This girl might be the best thing in the world for him
emva07 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 How do you know he is making a stupid choice? This girl might be the best thing in the world for him I think it's normal to think our ex's next partner is a "stupid choice" Way to make ourselves feel better I guess. 2
emva07 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Yeah I guess the only option at this point is to just let it go and focus on myself. Yeah just let it go and focus on yourself. Whether it's a stupid choice or the best choice he's ever made, it's his choice.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 How do you know he is making a stupid choice? This girl might be the best thing in the world for him Because I actually know who she is. She broke up with her boyfriend 2 months before they got into a relationship. They were apparently messing around on and off for 2 months. She apparently was making it an on/off situation because she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with him because she dumped her ex bf literally a week before they started fooling around. My ex's best friend told me he doesn't like her and doesn't trust her.
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's normal to think our ex's next partner is a "stupid choice" Way to make ourselves feel better I guess. While that is true, I have had three of his own friends tell me he made a stupid choice, soo..
madjac74 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I think it's normal to think our ex's next partner is a "stupid choice" Way to make ourselves feel better I guess. Very good point!
emva07 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 so they're both each others' rebound. Maybe they're ok with that!
madjac74 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 While that is true, I have had three of his own friends tell me he made a stupid choice, soo.. When my ex divorced me, I had her own family telling her what a stupid choice she was making. Feed off that and make yourself better. He will probably come crawling back to you in no time. 1
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Thank you to the both of you, you have made me feel much better tonight! 2
madjac74 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 When he comes crawling back though...crush his ass like a cockroach! 2
Author Bobibble Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 When he comes crawling back though...crush his ass like a cockroach! I went on a walk with my friend earlier and we talked about how I would react if he did ever come back. I told my friend it would take me a long time and a lot of him showing me he has and will mature in order for me to move past this. I will definitely NEVER take him back at the drop of a dime, like I may have a few months ago. 1
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