I'm scared of being alone

[CNE181]

I'm 23 years old, and I have always been an introvert. Most nights, you can find me at home watching tv or curled up with my dog reading a book. It's always been this way for me, and I think part of the blame can go towards me not being a very social person.

 

I didn't even have a relationship or date with a guy until I was 20, and needless to say, I fell hard. My ex ended things with me about a month ago, and since then I've felt pretty lonely. I feel like I just lucked out meeting him [at work], and he was the first real relationship I had. He was my first love and I am just having a really hard time believing I will ever find anyone who loves me as much as I loved him.

 

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a very funny girl, albeit slightly weird maybe, haha, and I can strike up a conversation with someone pretty easily. That being said, I still don't have a ton of friends, and I don't meet a ton of guys that are interested in me romantically. My situation (of having no friends and no ideas on how to make any real ones) is really getting me bummed out.

 

Any advice/kind words for someone who is not feeling very hopeful at the moment?

Edited October 21, 2013 by CNE181

[2sure]

Oh, you'll hate this, but I wanto say you're only 23 and you're still heartbroken...it's only been a month. It takes time to get over someone, but each day that cloud lifts a bit. You won't feel this way always.

 

In the meantime though you need to find something more fulfilling to do with yourself . And I know that sounds cliche , but the thing is...it works. I'm huge on volunteer projects for what they give and what I get out of them...but there are always things like art workshops or meetups.

 

You need to DO something, you need to be proactive. It's been a month, it's time. Even if you like being an introvert, you still have to socialize.

[OnlyHonesty]

I have to say, what you just described sounded very cozy, relaxed and chilled but that's because where many see loneliness, I see solitude. I believe if not for society, peers, media and pretty much most in general pushing the relationship agenda to the forefront so much, many people wouldn't feel as alienated about spending time in their own company.

 

I believe that if you cannot be alone, then when you are with a partner, the relationship will become unbalanced, you will look to them to get what you should be getting from your inner self and they will sense this. Often it will become too much because no one but yourself can make you feel whole.

 

You are young, you have so much more to experience in life and I think it is important to grow alone before growing together. It may sound like a cliche but when you place your focus on yourself, doing what you want to do, learning, developing hobbies etc then you are likely to meet someone when you aren't even looking to.

 

When you do meet that someone you will feel strong in knowing you are content with or without them. Then it will bring more balance to the relationship.

[theothersully]

I'll give you some kind words, anyway. I'm a guy and nearly everything you wrote about yourself in the first paragraph sounded hot to me.

 

You'll do just fine. Plenty of guys want a nice, sweet, funny, non-jaded girl who is a little weird. That's like, exactly what I look for!! ha ha ha

 

If you don't get to meet people in real life enough, try some online stuff. Has worked for me in the past.

 

Either way, no matter how you are feeling at the moment, you pretty much sound like the perfect girl, so don't worry....

[reddragon588]

I didn't even have a relationship or date with a guy until I was 20

 

You act like that is old! 20 is a baby! You're still young- we're in our 20s!

[Disillusioned]

I'm 46, and not really SCARED of being alone... I have my hobbies... I guess the only part of being alone that I'm even remotely scared of is dropping dead of a heart attack when I'm alone in my house...

[Phoe]

I am very much like you. If I'm not at work or the gym or running errands, I'm likely at home reading, playing a video game, or watching a TV show. Snuggled up with my cat of course.

 

I am friendly and can easily get along with and converse with anyone, but often am pretty reserved. I have just a small handful of close friends, other than them I am quite solitary. I'm ridiculously awkward and dorky/nerdy/geeky, so sometimes that seems to affect me, even though I wouldn't want to change.

 

 

I too find it lonely when my heart is broken... what was once peaceful solitude is deafening silence. I worry that I'll feel this way all my life... hopeful and very willing, but lonely.

 

 

Not much I can offer for comfort, but you are not alone. You and I are just 2 of many others who are like ourselves.

 

 

Give your heart time to heal.

[madjac74]

I am writing a book called "Solitude". It is a way of life that I struggled with for a long time. You always feel like you should be out on a saturday night and feel like something is wrong with you if you aren't partying rather than staying home alone pursuing your hobbies or curled up alone watching a movie.

[OnlyHonesty]

I am writing a book called "Solitude". It is a way of life that I struggled with for a long time. You always feel like you should be out on a saturday night and feel like something is wrong with you if you aren't partying rather than staying home alone pursuing your hobbies or curled up alone watching a movie.

 

I used to struggle with that as well but once I realised that it was just a brain washing from society, I began to enjoy my life a lot more. I no longer feel bad for not following / doing what everyone else is doing and I really enjoy every minute of the time I spend doing what I feel like doing rather than what I feel I should be doing.

 

Since accepting that, everything has been more relaxed, fun and I feel more content. I realised that I was going through the motions when really, I had no real interest in all of the partying anymore, the drinking and what ever else came along with that.

 

I see others wasting their time getting drunk at the weekend or chasing std's in seedy clubs. Once you realise the different ways and agenda's concerning societies brain washing, everything is so much better.

 

Since you are writing a book, you might want to check out 'Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus'. I haven't read any of it yet but something tells me you will find it interesting.

 

I believe that free thinkers that walk alone are a danger to those who wish to keep us in enslavement. Just imagine if all of those people wasting away their weekends getting drunk and having random sex instead spent time thinking and discussing the world instead. Who would those in power be concerned with more? free thinkers who walk alone or groups of people who never think?

 

I'm not suggesting that one has to be a loner to be a free thinker, it's just that often it happens this way in my opinion because of the majority rules way of thinking.

Edited October 21, 2013 by OnlyHonesty

[Disillusioned]

 

 

I believe that free thinkers that walk alone are a danger to those who wish to keep us in enslavement. Just imagine if all of those people wasting away their weekends getting drunk and having random sex instead spent time thinking and discussing the world instead. Who would those in power be concerned with more? free thinkers who walk alone or groups of people who never think?

 

This is very true... because it gives a person time to open their eyes. It's how I came to understand that the world of work is divided into boss-dom and peonage... that the online dating services have created their own little parallel universes where all the men are handsome and rich, and all the women are pretty and available.

[coolheadal]

First off your very young still. Just broke-up and now your living on your own. You might want to think about taking a break from it all. Why don't you get your passport and go do some traveling. Somewhere on a tropical island. Have some fun and be talkative on the plan trip also. You never know who you might have in common with on the plane. Also when you get to your hotel continue meeting new people you share and interest with. Try to get away for 3 weeks I know sounds like a lot but right now staying the house and watching TV with your pet dog is not going to cut it.

 

You want to flush those the past feeling away. The only way your going to do it is leave current surroundings so they don't make you remember how it was. Feel new and ready for the next door to open up in your life. Your intent at this point IN THE NOW would be to pull yourself together and stay focus on being positive and happy. Do things you like to do or better yet things you had never thought you would do until now. As for friends they'll come in time sure we all could be your friend here but through your monitor we are just you need a few out there outside your monitor also.

 

Whatever you don't force friendship let it happen naturally which is the best advise I could give you right now.

[Criticality]

I'm 23 years old, and I have always been an introvert. Most nights, you can find me at home watching tv or curled up with my dog reading a book. It's always been this way for me, and I think part of the blame can go towards me not being a very social person.

 

Any advice/kind words for someone who is not feeling very hopeful at the moment?

 

Internet dating perchance? It's also good for finding friends, no matter how introverted you are, if you're not into going out by yourself

 

 

 

I see others wasting their time getting drunk at the weekend or chasing std's in seedy clubs. Once you realise the different ways and agenda's concerning societies brain washing, everything is so much better.

 

Ahh, I think I get ya...

You're an introverted person, not much success with the ladies, so you managed to turn it into "them being brainwashed and ignorant, and you being a noble freethinker who reads all the same conspiracy theories that usually attract the paranoid and the lonely?

 

I believe that free thinkers that walk alone are a danger to those who wish to keep us in enslavement. Just imagine if all of those people wasting away their weekends getting drunk and having random sex instead spent time thinking and discussing the world instead. Who would those in power be concerned with more? free thinkers who walk alone or groups of people who never think?

 

You're assuming its either-or. Which it isn't. People that have a social life that may include "getting drunk and having random sex" also spend time thinking and discussing the world. What you should keep in mind though is:

 

1. Just because you believe things about the evil powers that be, that other people might find paranoid, baseless and crazy does not make you a free thinker.

 

2. Your sound like you have a false superiority complex and like you're full of contempt for those you judge as "wasting their time". You are not better than them, despite of what you might think.

 

3. Alex Jones and conspiracy forums won't keep you company in bed, when you get old and lonely.

[patrol]

Enjoy your single life! Seriously there's nothing good about constantly needing to be romantically involved to feel fulfilled, even if that's what society wants you to think. I believe the term for such a person would be a parasite.

 

And yeah just a word of advice... You're 23 which his young but not too young. You have time to find other guys but keep your standards high. There's a pretty high chance you're going to be living with the guy for the rest of your life if you're not careful.

[Pretty.in.Pink]

You just had a break up that you didn't initiate. It's okay to mope, feel self-pity, and wonder if you'll ever meet someone else again. Perfectly normal and expected. It's a phase. We've all been there. Eventually we all bounce back.

 

The best way to get through it IMO is to get yourself out of the house. Exercise. Hang out with your friends. Now that you have extra free time, start an activity that has always interested you--a sports league, book club, whatever. Volunteer for a cause that matters to you. If you can't think of anything, go volunteer in a soup kitchen. It will remind you that you still have so much in your life despite the break-up, and soup kitchens can always use extra help.