Lauren.B Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I have been dating Jake for two years. He is the kindest, funniest, most genuine person I have ever met. Things are complicated because we have both been married before. I was in a physically, mentally, emotionally abusive relationship with my ex-husband and his wife committed suicide four years ago. I married my childhood sweetheart, or so I thought and Jake and his wife married after she fell pregnant with their son Aaron, who is now eight. They also have a five year old daughter Amelia. After my marriage I moved to another state, changed my name and appearance and stated a new life for myself, alone. I had no plans to meet anyone, my boss got into match-making. It was incredibly hard for me to even agree to a date with Jake because of everything, I was so petrified of any men, or letting myself be vulnerable like that again. He was just as awkward I was but we just talked, about stupid things, it was literally like a movie and we fell in love very quickly. We both tread carefully because of our history. His children are so lovely. Aaron was very stand-offish didn't like me very much but he has warmed to me. Amelia instantly took to me and we have grown to become very close. I have found it very hard to let myself be vulnerable with Jake, I get flashbacks and nightmares from when I was with my husband, to the times when he almost killed me and it freaks me out. I paint and cook when this happens, it has become quite therapeutic but the memories are always there. Sometimes Jake will say something Mark said and it will make me sick, like I can't breathe, like I'm choking. I have only told Jake recently about everything that happened, since we have been spending so much time together. I don't know why it took me so long to tell him, he deserved to know a lot sooner, he was so honest with me. He told me all about his wife and her death and everything I felt so guilty about lying to him but I was still dealing with everything. I eventually told him everything about my 'other life' and why I am they I am, he was so understanding and I wish I had told him sooner. We have had trouble lately as Mark has been released from prison and is determined to have me back. Somehow he tracked me down and confronted us both, physically. He threatened to kill Jake, and pulled out his gun. Thankfully it was in public and the police we're called, he has been charged again and is awaiting trial. Jake was very supportive and he wants to be with me still but he is understandably worried about his children. He has become suspicious of my feelings for Mark, we have had a few stupid arguments about him but he knows that I have no feelings for him.. We had a pregnancy scare a few months ago, is during the whole Mark situation but we became stronger, despite the circumstances. I believe he my soul mate, I love him more than I can even imagine, and his two beautiful children as well. I just can't seem to get over what happened and he has to think about his children's safety. I don't want to keep running from Mark but he always finds me. Jake is where I feel safe but even that now seems to be slipping away. I don't know what to do.
wavejumper Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 if you changed your name, how is it your ex found you?
Author Lauren.B Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 I have no idea. The police seemed to think it was through friends he has on the outside.
wavejumper Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 it just doesn't make sense, you moved to another state, changed your name and he found you? if i were you i'd get some legal and psychological counseling, they might be able to help you navigate this. maybe your new partner and you should consider moving again, this time putting privacy controls in place. there are professionals who can show you how to do that. good luck
FitChick Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) It sounds like one of your friends has betrayed you. Are you in contact with your inlaws? Might have been them. You might have to cut them all loose and change your identity again. Although that might be a problem if you looked for another job. If you moved, your boyfriend would have to be able to find a job wherever you were, maybe change his name, too. Everyone, his kids and yours would have to stay off social media. You couldn't vote because your name would be in the poll register (assuming you are in the UK). Buying property might have to be done under an umbrella tax company so he couldn't trace you. It would be like joining the witness protection program. Does your ex like drugs? Get that krokodil drug that kills people in a short period of time and hope he gets hooked! Is it possible that your ex could get visitation rights with the kids? How about emigrating to Oz? They wouldn't let him into the country with his criminal background would they, even as a tourist? Edited October 21, 2013 by FitChick
Author Lauren.B Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I don't know what to do, it's not fair to ask him to sacrifice everything for me, for his children to do that also. Their safety comes first. When ai was skipping through towns, I didn't mind leaving people because it was just me but this affects a lot of people., I doubt that Mark would get any rights, given his criminal history and alcoholism. They are not my kids so he has no claim on them. I have no idea why they let him out, he should be spending a long time incarcerated.. I don't know what to do?!
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