Final email to MM? Relatively short.

[yesplease]

I'm finally ready to get some feedback.

 

I am married, but lonely. My former MM was married, but sexless. I absolutely believe him.

 

Since August, we've each called it off for various reasons. The first two times, it was me feeling guilty. I actually managed 100% no contact until I caved. However, once I got over my guilt, I was absolutely committed to being with my MM.

 

Once I got over my guilt, he started letting his issues take over. Granted, he has some pretty big ones -- aside from the guilt. His 19-year old son has major issues with depression. The issues have caused him to withdraw from two different colleges. Most recently, the son threatened suicide and was placed on a 72-hour hold. During this time, my MM acknowledged that his life was crazy and he was feeling really lost, but he still wanted me in his life. I told him I could accept this. And, since he had been patient and kind with me during my troubles (and they were quite substantial) the least I could do is return the favor.

 

So, we had somewhat limited contact, but managed to keep the relationship going. In early September, we made a concrete date to meet up in a hotel ad re-kindle our affair. We were literally all set, then there was a 100-year flood. We canceled our plans. Later that afternoon, my MM called off our affair. He felt that the flood may have been some kind of blessing or curse, but nonetheless it was a message to him. He was afraid that if we stayed together, he would fall in love and that would only bring bad things to both of us. I was completely crushed.

 

A few days later, he emails me to tell me that I am wonderful and he is crazy for not being with me, but that is the way it has to be now. I emailed him back to say I understand, I am praying for him, and I just want him to be happy. Within a week or so, our affair was back on. He emailed me to say that he was a complete dumbass and if I was willing to move forward with him, he would work through his issues. As I was already more than falling in love with this guy, I was absolutely elated! I said, "yes" and truly believed that this was the discrete relationship I needed to stay in my own marriage.

 

After 3 months of pretty much all email contact, we *finally* met for happy hour. It was wonderful! I was so nervous and giddy, I could barely think of anything to say. It was like being in high school all over again. Our kisses were electric!

 

Sooooo...after this meeting, he emailed me to say that seeing each other reaffirmed for him how right and wrong this was at the same time. I didn't think much of the email until my response went unanswered for a few days. When he responded, he said that he wasn't ignoring me -- simply taking a break for the weekend. I was cool with that. We've both taken our weekend breaks for various reasons.

 

Then, the following Monday, he dropped a bombshell on me. It was over again. He needed to be a better father and husband and could not commit 100% to our affair. He told me he would never forget me and that he would always miss me. Again, I was devastated. I tried to play it cool because I understand that he is struggling with a lot. I don't have children, but I can only imagine how he feels about his son's issues and his role/responsibility as a father.

 

A few days after he ended it, I sent him an email really pouring my heart out. I didn't call him names or anything. I didn't even lay any guilt on him in the email. I explained to him how he makes me feel, why I need him, and why I think he needs me. I ended it by saying that, "Neither one of us knows what the future holds, but if at some later date, you want me in your life, I will be open to the discussion." I didn't hear from him. Five days later, against my better judgement -- I felt so down, alone, and sad -- I sent him another email expressing how lonely I was, how I was upset with myself, how I couldn't talk to any of my friends (because he shouldn't matter that much to me), and how I wished things didn't have to be so complicated. I also told him that I understood if he didn't respond to my email, but I hoped that he would -- even if he only said to me the same things I've already heard.

 

It's been two weeks since my last email to him and I haven't heard a word. It hurts like hell! And I am so confused. I go back and forth between being angry and feeling guilty for wanting him so badly (and letting him know this) when it is clear he is already struggling and his family needs him right now.

 

I want confirmation that he received my messages, even if he can't respond. I want to know that he misses me. I want to know that he has saved my email address, and on some not-too-distant day when he is feeling particularly vulnerable, he will reach out to me and invite me back in.

 

Does this make me desperate? Probably so. But, I don't want him to leave his wife. I'm not planning to leave my husband. I never made demands on his time (he even acknowledged this). He was really the ray of sunshine in my otherwise dull life. Knowing how happy I made him made me feel good. We were so good together. Sure, people can flame me and say that he was using me. But, in truth, I was using him, too. I was using him to feel things that I haven't felt in years.

 

Why I am writing all of this? I just really want to hear someone who has a similar story. I want someone to give me hope that he hasn't deleted all of my contact info and that when his life gets back in balance, he will come knocking on my door.

 

Sigh...

Edited October 20, 2013 by yesplease

[Mermaid14]

I understand. & I am in the same boat feeling the exact same way you are feeling -

[yesplease]

As crazy, twisted, and backwards as this sounds -- I am so glad someone can understand. It is true -- misery loves company.

 

Do you think your AP will eventually gravitate back towards you? Or, do you truly believe this is the end?

 

One more question, if I may -- have you decided that you will *never* contact him/her again? Or, are you just giving yourself more time to make sure of what you want to say if you contact them again?

[almond]

I'm not planning to leave my husband. I never made demands on his time (he even acknowledged this). He was really the ray of sunshine in my otherwise dull life....I was using him, too. I was using him to feel things that I haven't felt in years.

 

You don't have to live like this.

 

If you are not planning on leaving your husband, commit yourself 100% to making it work, and re-building a healthy, satisfying relationship.

 

You should also focus hard on finding something that makes YOU happy...something that isn't underscored with betrayal, guilt and instability.

 

Work on yourself, and work on your life. Work hard. Stop trying to find happiness externally - it won't work.

[veryhappy]

I get it. You are really into this guy. Why don't you want to be with him though? That means you are looking just for and escape so the real problem is your M or your life in general. Address that instead.

 

Never ever, A or not, ask and plead with a man to want you. He should be chasing you and glad you are with him. He doesn't want you? Farewell and best wishes.

 

Find your dignity and figure out what you are looking for exactly. Being treated like this after offering yourself so easily can't be what you want.

 

 

You're also caught in his life and issues, like most OW. Move away from that. Focus on your life.

[yesplease]

He probably senses your dependence on him and bolted. Most MM have no intention of leaving their wives and don't want an emotionally dependent woman.

 

He wants fun and sex. He will probably keep looking for a woman that fits into that role.

 

Regardless, why would you want him back? You'd wait for him to bolt again. Aside from your own marriage, it's not worth it.

 

Affairs never end well. That excitement and connection you're seeking outside your marriage comes with a price. It's seldom worth it.

 

Thanks for your feedback. It is much appreciated. I don't think he "senses" my dependence on him. We were both in this for fun. He was the one who brought all the drama -- he was the one begging me to email him everyday, begging me to open my heart to him, begging for the emotional connection. When I finally came around to the idea, that's when his life started to go off the rails. All throughout the time his life was getting more complicated, he kept telling me that he wanted me in his life -- that is why I didn't move on. I am totally all about the "sex" and "fun". In fact, I sometimes felt that he thought I was shallow because I would concentrate more on sex than conversation.

 

Why would I want him back? He's all the things my husband isn't. Funny, tall, an extreme giver in bed. Plus, I understand what he needs and what he is missing from his wife. I literally ache to be the one to give it to him. I have a ridiculous sex drive (and I'm 14 years younger), so I can definitely keep him busy.

 

Sure, I accept that most affairs don't end well. I think that was a risk we were both willing to take at one time. I just feel that I'm a different breed, though. If he hadn't cut this thing off prematurely, I would have happily dealt with the crumbs -- because that's all I really needed. Basically, I was looking for a supplement to my marriage, not a replacement.

[yesplease]

I get it. You are really into this guy. Why don't you want to be with him though? That means you are looking just for and escape so the real problem is your M or your life in general. Address that instead.

 

Never ever, A or not, ask and plead with a man to want you. He should be chasing you and glad you are with him. He doesn't want you? Farewell and best wishes.

 

Find your dignity and figure out what you are looking for exactly. Being treated like this after offering yourself so easily can't be what you want.

 

 

You're also caught in his life and issues, like most OW. Move away from that. Focus on your life.

 

Yeah, you right! I'm totally caught up in him and his issues. I don't think I've relegated myself to the status of "pleading" yet. I will admit that I was hurt when I didn't receive a response to my last two emails -- although the last one was really more about me getting over him and kind of talking through my feelings as opposed to me begging for him to take me back.

 

In real life, though -- I absolutely admit to wanting him to come back to me. In fact, he's done it before (2x). So, that gives me hope that he will do it again.

 

A part of me wants to be completely over him. Then, there's that other part of me that is sad about what I'll never get to experience with him.

 

However, it shakes out -- I'm glad to be posting here rather than sitting in my car crying and being on the verge of texting him. Some moments that urge is so strong -- just to have a moment of his thoughts dedicated all to me. Then, I remember my self respect and how awful I'll feel if I actually give in -- and even worse if his response is indifferent or no response at all.

[yesplease]

So, here's the last email I sent my former MM. Our official breakup was 9/30/13. I sent him a kind email on 10/1/2013 to which he didn't respond. The final email (below) was sent on 10/6/2013. Of course he hasn't responded to this one either, but I need an opinion -- does this email make me sound desperate, or like I am pleading with him? If I never speak to him again, I don't want my last contact to make me seem like a needy twit that lacks confidence.

This hurts more than I expected it to. Today in church I prayed for you. I hope you are finding the peace you need, but I am far from it. I've spent the week trying to drown my feelings by reconnecting with my husband. When your heart and mind are with someone else, it doesn't work.

 

Right now, I am finding myself sitting in the library parking lot trying not to cry. But, I also feel like I need to cry. Just to have a release from the emotional roller coaster I've been on with you for the last three months. I feel

so

alone. You're the only one I shared this secret with and you're the one I can't talk to. I'

m

scared to share my pain with my friends because you shouldn't matter that much to me. I can't talk to my husband -- my best friend -- because our marriage would never be the same. The worst part is that I am questioning everything I thought I knew about myself, love, and relationships.

 

But, when you play the game, you take the risk that you will get burned. I hope I am feeling this way because it is a natural reaction to being told you can't have something that you want desperately. If not, I'

m

doomed to carry you around in my heart forever. I really don't need that type of baggage.

 

I miss you and wish things didn't have to be

so

complicated. If you dont respond to this email, I understand. Of course, I do want you to respond -- even if it's just to say the same thing I've heard already.

[lollipopspot]

The final email (below) was sent on 10/6/2013. Of course he hasn't responded to this one either, but I need an opinion -- does this email make me sound desperate, or like I am pleading with him? If I never speak to him again, I don't want my last contact to make me seem like a needy twit that lacks confidence.

 

Well it wouldn't really matter if the letter does make you sound desperate...because if you sent another letter implying you weren't desperate, then that would REALLY make you seem desperate. Having no more contact is the thing that will make you not seem desperate.

[SarahJames]

Here's my honest take on it:

 

#1: You sent him an e-mail, he didn't respond. Then you sent him ANOTHER e-mail. He still didn't respond. And now you're contemplating sending yet a THIRD e-mail, why?!

 

#2: Even IF this e-mail sounds desperate, do you think sending a third e-mail would make you sound less desperate? You said, at the end of your e-mail, that you would like him to respond even if he was going to tell you something you've heard before. He didn't respond. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

 

#3: "If I never speak to him again, I don't want my last contact to make me seem like a needy twit that lacks confidence."

 

If you don't want to seem that way, then just LET THIS GO. If he wanted to hear more from you, he would have responded.

 

#4: It doesn't matter what your e-mail made you SOUND LIKE. What's important is that you spoke from your heart. Who cares what he thinks of you. Who is he to judge? You told him how you really feel and that takes courage.

 

#5: I'm not sure how long your affair has gone on, but from what I read I assume it's been 3 months. That seems like an awfully quick progression to these kinds of feelings...

[sunburned]

Hi, YP

 

I was in a similar predicament. Went from long-term friendship to an EA to a lightweight PA (no sex). Both married and not looking to leave. Desperate for excitement and getting some emotional and other needs met. In hindsight, I think we both just needed the proverbial ego stroking and external validation.

 

I broke it off due to guilt, etc. There was some LC (b4 I found loveshack) and push-pull for a month or so. I wanted to remain friends, but he said he couldn't take it. After a couple weeks, we spoke (MISTAKE!), I missed him terribly and wanted to rekindle. He was elated at first, but then quickly backed off. He said his W was getting suspicious. But he actually wanted to leave the door open if he ever he got some breathing room in the future! I had to draw the line somewhere and there it was. I too was pretty low maintenance as far as APs go, but I needed some minimal care & feeding.

 

Broke my heart to do it, but I went NC without warning. It's been a difficult two months, but I stuck it out. I'm still not over the A, but I am beyond that urgent need to text or talk. With NC, you will be too. You also don't put your heart at risk for a negative response when you're NC.

 

If you've done a lot of reading here, you have learned about the affair fog and the affair-as-addiction analogy. Believe it. Once you're NC for a few weeks, you will feel better. Not only because you're getting the time and distance you need, but the feeling that you are -- at last -- doing the right thing.

 

Similar to your sitch, he pursued me, he said "I love you" early and often, put pressure on me to say it back, to promise I would never leave, then ultimately did the about face. Not with words, which he proclaimed to the bitter end, but with his actions. Like you, big age difference (20+ years). When I miss him, I just think I wouldn't want him having a heart attack on my watch!

 

With the AP gone, I have discovered my hubby of 18 years is not as bad as I made him out to be. My kids, my work and my running keep me busy. You need friends and hobbies (preferably physical ones) to fill that email/text/talk void that APs leave in their wake. You said you weren't going to leave your M, so you might as well take the time to make it better. I am doing that too, some days with more enthusiasm than others!

[yesplease]

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not sending a third email. The email I sent on 10/6 was the FINAL email. I just wanted others' opinions on whether it sounded desperate -- especially since I didn't receive a response and this seems as though this last email (if he even read it) will be how I am remembered.

 

My thread title could have been clearer, but LS wouldn't let me post a title that included the word "opinion".

 

As for the length of the affair, we started a physical affair in May 2013. I initiated a one month break up in June. We got back together in July and pretty much had non-stop email contact through September. The physical contact was more limited. I agree that the feelings (on both sides) were pretty intense. That's what you get when combine passionate, like-minded people in an illicit situation. All the emotion and feeling just gets amped up.

 

I believe we were both missing passion and excitement. When we found it in each other, well...you know.

[lollipopspot]

O.k. then, sure, it does sound a bit desperate:

 

I hope I am feeling this way because it is a natural reaction to being told you can't have something that you want desperately. If not, I'm doomed to carry you around in my heart forever. I really don't need that type of baggage.

 

I miss you and wish things didn't have to be so complicated. If you dont respond to this email, I understand. Of course, I do want you to respond -- even if it's just to say the same thing I've heard already.

 

But the only thing to do now is let it go! He didn't respond. Maybe he will in the future, maybe not, but put it all out of your mind at this point, to the degree possible.

[SarahJames]

Hm, well yes I can understand passion and excitement. That's called lust. And that's pretty much normal into 3 or even 4 months of a fling/relationship. Your e-mail sounded more like love...I was under the impression it was an affair that's been going on for years. Perhaps you somewhat overwhelmed him with your e-mail. BUT what he feels no longer matters. You need to move on with your life. Be happy that your husband is still in the picture and mend things with him. Remember, things could have been WAY worse. Be thankful and try to move on.

[ComingInHot]

You sent MM whom You cheated w/on Your Husband Two emails in which the latter email you Wrote that while You were In Church, You Prayed for Him?!!? Then you went on to write after You PRAYED for Him, that trying to reconnect w/Your Husband doesn't work cause You are still hot for MM??!!?

 

Honestly, and I say this gently, it does come off as a titch desparate but, to me, even more ...... "off".??. (I'm not finding the right word in my head right now, sorry )

 

I mean to say that, as a Church goer (and I could be assuming here), you surely realize that when "in sin" , no matter how much God loves you& vis-a-versa, He can Not be near or "look upon" sin, that's why He sent us His Son. (Or so the Christian Bible & Faith teach)

SOOooooo, when I read your post, I am thinking to myself, irradicate yourself of the sin through how the Church, Bible, Christian faith teaches - Confess, ask forgiveness, do Not perform that sin (or anything pertaining to it) again, ya know?

Then... Pray for Yourself, Your H, your M

I hope you take this the right way. It was really difficult to write*

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Believe me when I say I understand and feel your pain. I was where you are and I did much of what you have done. It will do you no good. I don't know what his situation is, but if he is not responding there is a reason.

 

Do yourself a favor and do not contact this man again. You were pouring out your heart and it appears he doesn't care and continuing to do that only makes you look desperate.

 

I would not say this to you unless I had experience with this. I made similar mistakes.

 

Hang in there - do your best to move away from this man. He isn't worthy of you.

[yesplease]

Hm, well yes I can understand passion and excitement. That's called lust. And that's pretty much normal into 3 or even 4 months of a fling/relationship. Your e-mail sounded more like love...I was under the impression it was an affair that's been going on for years. Perhaps you somewhat overwhelmed him with your e-mail. BUT what he feels no longer matters. You need to move on with your life. Be happy that your husband is still in the picture and mend things with him. Remember, things could have been WAY worse. Be thankful and try to move on.

 

You're right. Perhaps I did overwhelm him with that email. Buuuuuuuuuut, the first time he broke up with me it was because he was afraid of falling in love with me. His words, not mine. Then, when he asked to get back together, he was the one who told me he was a complete dumbass for not being with me. And, that he shouldn't be afraid that he wants me so much and that he should explore that feeling. In that same email, he also said if I was willing to move forward with him, he would work through his issues.

 

Maybe I misinterpreted what he was trying to say, but after he came back and said those things to me...well, I kinda just assumed that "falling in love" was on the table for us.

[KentuckyGent]

Regardless of the content, continuing to contact him sounds desperate.

 

Let him go.

 

 

It sure does. A hard lesson to learn sometimes, however.

[KentuckyGent]

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not sending a third email. The email I sent on 10/6 was the FINAL email. I just wanted others' opinions on whether it sounded desperate -- especially since I didn't receive a response and this seems as though this last email (if he even read it) will be how I am remembered.

 

My thread title could have been clearer, but LS wouldn't let me post a title that included the word "opinion".

 

As for the length of the affair, we started a physical affair in May 2013. I initiated a one month break up in June. We got back together in July and pretty much had non-stop email contact through September. The physical contact was more limited. I agree that the feelings (on both sides) were pretty intense. That's what you get when combine passionate, like-minded people in an illicit situation. All the emotion and feeling just gets amped up.

 

I believe we were both missing passion and excitement. When we found it in each other, well...you know.

 

You can't control how he chooses to remember you

[yesplease]

You sent MM whom You cheated w/on Your Husband Two emails in which the latter email you Wrote that while You were In Church, You Prayed for Him?!!? Then you went on to write after You PRAYED for Him, that trying to reconnect w/Your Husband doesn't work cause You are still hot for MM??!!?

 

Honestly, and I say this gently, it does come off as a titch desparate but, to me, even more ...... "off".??. (I'm not finding the right word in my head right now, sorry )

 

I mean to say that, as a Church goer (and I could be assuming here), you surely realize that when "in sin" , no matter how much God loves you& vis-a-versa, He can Not be near or "look upon" sin, that's why He sent us His Son. (Or so the Christian Bible & Faith teach)

SOOooooo, when I read your post, I am thinking to myself, irradicate yourself of the sin through how the Church, Bible, Christian faith teaches - Confess, ask forgiveness, do Not perform that sin (or anything pertaining to it) again, ya know?

Then... Pray for Yourself, Your H, your M

I hope you take this the right way. It was really difficult to write*

 

No offense taken. I get where you're coming from. Twisted or not, he and I often talked about religion. In fact, after our first kiss, he told me that he felt very "blessed" to meet me. Strange, I know...

 

Then, when I first broke it off with him because I was struggling with the morality of it all, he wrote me this email in which he said that he believed in God (devout Catholic) but he did not believe God would want us to be lonely, sexless, or miserable. That is how he justified his side of the affair.

 

I tend to take a similar view of God as my xMM, though. God knows my heart and He knows my sins. So, I haven't hesitated to pray about this affair -- and whether or not it is a sign that I am done with my marriage. He does give us beauty for ashes. My affair can be interpreted as ashes. That doesn't mean that I can't learn and experience something beautiful as a result of it.

 

Also, I don't believe in "grades" of sin. We all sin and come short on a daily basis. The sin of sex is no different (to me) than the sin of a white lie. And for all my trying, I know that I am doomed to sin in some way or another -- it's just human nature. Some people's sin is gluttony, mine is illicit sex.

 

When I mentioned that I prayed for my MM, it was more a reference to his family situation and his son. He is going through a lot right now. Hence our break up. He didn't feel he had the "emotional stamina" to commit to an affair. According to him, he is a 100% kind of guy. He didn't want to half do our affair. Yes, more craziness...I know...

 

The whole affair business is pretty screwy no matter how you look at it, so if I am "off" in my thinking (or he is "off"), that doesn't surprise me at all. What I am sure of is that I have let this man totally get inside my head and I'm ready to have my power back.

[yesplease]

To what end? Maybe he realizes there is no point in falling in love when neither of you is planning in leaving your marriages.

 

People say a lot, play attention to what they do.

 

See, now you've done it! I can't tell you how many times I've questioned myself about his intentions. I always made it seem as though leaving my husband was out of the question -- because I thought that is what he would want to hear. Plus, we hadn't known each other that long and it is really silly to be questioning your marriage after five months of an affair.

 

In truth, though -- I probably could leave my husband. I just didn't think I was ready to say that to him or ask him what he meant by "exploring" his feelings.

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Love is a losing game.

[yesplease]

Hi, YP

 

I was in a similar predicament. Went from long-term friendship to an EA to a lightweight PA (no sex). Both married and not looking to leave. Desperate for excitement and getting some emotional and other needs met. In hindsight, I think we both just needed the proverbial ego stroking and external validation.

 

I broke it off due to guilt, etc. There was some LC (b4 I found loveshack) and push-pull for a month or so. I wanted to remain friends, but he said he couldn't take it. After a couple weeks, we spoke (MISTAKE!), I missed him terribly and wanted to rekindle. He was elated at first, but then quickly backed off. He said his W was getting suspicious. But he actually wanted to leave the door open if he ever he got some breathing room in the future! I had to draw the line somewhere and there it was. I too was pretty low maintenance as far as APs go, but I needed some minimal care & feeding.

 

Broke my heart to do it, but I went NC without warning. It's been a difficult two months, but I stuck it out. I'm still not over the A, but I am beyond that urgent need to text or talk. With NC, you will be too. You also don't put your heart at risk for a negative response when you're NC.

 

If you've done a lot of reading here, you have learned about the affair fog and the affair-as-addiction analogy. Believe it. Once you're NC for a few weeks, you will feel better. Not only because you're getting the time and distance you need, but the feeling that you are -- at last -- doing the right thing.

 

Similar to your sitch, he pursued me, he said "I love you" early and often, put pressure on me to say it back, to promise I would never leave, then ultimately did the about face. Not with words, which he proclaimed to the bitter end, but with his actions. Like you, big age difference (20+ years). When I miss him, I just think I wouldn't want him having a heart attack on my watch!

 

With the AP gone, I have discovered my hubby of 18 years is not as bad as I made him out to be. My kids, my work and my running keep me busy. You need friends and hobbies (preferably physical ones) to fill that email/text/talk void that APs leave in their wake. You said you weren't going to leave your M, so you might as well take the time to make it better. I am doing that too, some days with more enthusiasm than others!

 

Thank you! I'm feeling a little less crazy now.

[ComingInHot]

: Originally Posted by yesplease No offense taken. I get where you're coming from. Twisted or not, he and I often talked about religion. In fact, after our first kiss, he told me that he felt very "blessed" to meet me. Strange, I know...

 

Then, when I first broke it off with him because I was struggling with the morality of it all, he wrote me this email in which he said that he believed in God (devout Catholic) but he did not believe God would want us to be lonely, sexless, or miserable. That is how he justified his side of the affair.

 

I tend to take a similar view of God as my xMM, though. God knows my heart and He knows my sins. So, I haven't hesitated to pray about this affair -- and whether or not it is a sign that I am done with my marriage. He does give us beauty for ashes. My affair can be interpreted as ashes. That doesn't mean that I can't learn and experience something beautiful as a result of it.

 

Also, I don't believe in "grades" of sin. We all sin and come short on a daily basis. The sin of sex is no different (to me) than the sin of a white lie. And for all my trying, I know that I am doomed to sin in some way or another -- it's just human nature. Some people's sin is gluttony, mine is illicit sex.

 

When I mentioned that I prayed for my MM, it was more a reference to his family situation and his son. He is going through a lot right now. Hence our break up. He didn't feel he had the "emotional stamina" to commit to an affair. According to him, he is a 100% kind of guy. He didn't want to half do our affair. Yes, more craziness...I know...

 

The whole affair business is pretty screwy no matter how you look at it, so if I am "off" in my thinking (or he is "off"), that doesn't surprise me at all. What I am sure of is that I have let this man totally get inside my head and I'm ready to have m........

 

 

Yes please, PLEASE COPY AND SAVE YOUR RESPONSE (HECK, THIS WHOLE THREAD) FOR WHEN YOU EITHER GET HONEST WITH YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT CHEATING ON HIM OR YOU HAVE A D-DAY OR FOR WHEN YOU AND MM BEGIN A NON-AFFAIR RELATIONSHIP. I THINK IT MAY ADD TO YOUR CLARITY ONCE THE A-FOG ASCENDS.

(i,'m not yelling ie; caps lock, I just don't know how to get my tablet to do stuff...*)

[whichwayisup]

His 19-year old son has major issues with depression. The issues have caused him to withdraw from two different colleges. Most recently, the son threatened suicide and was placed on a 72-hour hold.

 

This is the reason why you need to back off and end things, at least the physical part of your affair and allow this man to deal with his son, get him healthier. His son has a forever illness that is never going away and will always have bouts of downs.

 

God forbid something happens to his son when he's with you, the guilt felt by you and by him will be devastating.

[yesplease]

This is the reason why you need to back off and end things, at least the physical part of your affair and allow this man to deal with his son, get him healthier. His son has a forever illness that is never going away and will always have bouts of downs.

 

God forbid something happens to his son when he's with you, the guilt felt by you and by him will be devastating.

 

I know. I often remember this. He is going through a lot.