Not sure if I did the right thing

[brits85]

Hello all, I need advice on what to do (or what I did)

About a year ago I met an amazing person, we started dating slowly and after two months became an official couple. I had come out of a long dramatic relationship only six months before, and he had his heart broken about a year before we met. We were really happy together, did everything couples do but taking it slowly and giving each other lots of space. We were great together, developed an amazing intimate relationship full of respect and mutual admiration. We are both quiet people, and find it difficult to talk about emotions. However, it was through his actions and my actions that we felt so secure and certain of each other. Then four-five months after the relationship started I had to leave the country for work reasons. I told him we should not get on a LDR since it was very painful and difficult, but that I would come back and he was the only person I wanted to be with. Though this was the most mature decision. He is younger than me, and quite eager to live life I guess.

 

after I left, I came to meet him as he had work plans in a city close to mine, and we had fun but I realised he was quite distant and not interested, as if something inside him had changed. Anyway, three months passed, where we still kept in touch, he called me and I called him, we both claimed we missed each other but where quite independent. During those months I realized I wanted him 100%. I came back and he was doing all the sweet gestures, treating me the same as before, but something inside me made me feel really insecure and I didnt feel he looked or needed me in the same way. It was more of an intuition. I told him I was in love with him and he said he didnt know.

 

This all, plus his somewhat difficult and closed personality, slowly began to demotivate me and encourage me to play this 'keep it cool' game. So, I did not text him and played it casual, sometimes I would not answer the phone, because I came out of a long relationship, and I said I was in love, I felt so vulnerable and felt he was so disinterested, and doing things out of inertia, that it seemed the right thing to do and the right way to be at the time. Giving him space and letting him be.

 

I am quite independent, but I wanted more from him, more interest, more love. It was somethings I felt when we were together, like he didn't care. He was quite casual, ignored me when I talked, some Friday's he would not call, I had to call him and 'come' to where he was, he would not reply to some texts, or reply in a very casual manner, not showing any love or excitement, monosyllables even. Gradually I became more and more unhappy. I though it could be my own insecurity and me being paranoid. So I kept quiet, and we kept going. I tend to retract when I feel insecure, So Im not sure if I made a mistake by being closed up. I would not call either and fall into playing his casual game. Even though I did not say i loved him, I think i expressed him through my actions. I cooked for him, helped him out, listened to him, talkative, generous, proposed plans, was very sweet, eager, I feel I showed I was there. He gave little, but enough for me to stay.

 

I broke up with him a week ago. i asked him if he loved me, and he didnt know again. I left and he didn't come back after me. later on we talked again and he said he saw himself as my boyfriend, and said he wanted to wake of next to me, but that if we defined 'love' as absolute, forever, 100%, he was not in. but that I was the only person he wanted to be with bla bla. I left again, as I said this is not enough for me.

 

I dont want marriage. I just want to feel secure, open, happy, make plans together, and that if im giving love to a person I want to be getting it back. I Know love and people aren't perfect, and that it could be my own insecurity, because as I look back, he was pretty amazing and sweet, but there was the extra thing missing, its something my intuition told me, and then confirmed by his doubts, that gave me the answer. Its just difficult to accept it.

 

I have been having second thoughts. Did I do the right thing?