She rejected me. I'm so attracted to her personality. And someone else exists

[futuregopher]

Hi all,

 

I went on a weeklong vacation with a girl that was platonic to south africa. We were friends but more like acquaintances from college. South africa was apparently high on her bucket list of things to do and she was the one that asked me to go.

 

I thought we had a blast for a whole week and I thought she was having a good time too. A lot of flirting but still platonic. But yesterday I asked her out on a date and she said "she doesn't feel that way". So this really confused me. She was giving me a lot of buy signals yet after a week long fun vacation she doesn't want to go out on a date with me. Before we left for vacation she said that she wasn't going to date someone until she could sign a year long lease as she moves around a lot for work. And that wouldn't happen until february 2014. The rejection feels bad since I was so attracted to her personality and I actually got to know her a lot better during the vacation and I would have felt even worse if I hadn't asked her out.

 

A month before this trip I met girl #2 and went out with her a couple of times. Girl #2 is more attractive but the connection I felt with the vacation girl is just so much better. I never thought once in a million years that I would fall so hard for a girl because of personality. Her personality makes her 1000% more beautiful.

 

I know girl #2 is still interested in me since she says "yes" when I ask her out but I'm really scared I won't feel that personal connection with girl #2 as I did with vacation girl.

 

Is vacation girl a lost cause at this point? She told me flat out she doesn't feel the same way as I do. But before we left for vacation she explicitly told me many times that she needs to get settled to a location first before dating.

 

I guess the only option I have is girl #2 since vacation girl doesn't feel the same way.

 

What do you guys think? Am I just being stupid? How would you guys proceed? Thank you love shack!

[Criticality]

she said that she wasn't going to date someone until she could sign a year long lease as she moves around a lot for work. And that wouldn't happen until february 2014.

 

LOL! Worst excuse ever!

 

When February rolls around, and you try again, she'll probably say that she cans date right now, cause her dryer/washer won't be delivered till April...

[Carenth]

The girl on vacation was letting you down gently the first time (horrible excuse though). She is being very clear now she just does not feel that way about you. Take her word on this and move on, no point pining over someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

 

I would go out with girl number 2 see how it goes. If you end up having feelings for her, then great if not. Well not much you can do about that.

[okc85]

Date the second girl. I think you should take some space from the first girl for your own mental health.

[futuregopher]

LOL! Worst excuse ever!

 

When February rolls around, and you try again, she'll probably say that she cans date right now, cause her dryer/washer won't be delivered till April...

 

I will definitely not be waiting for her but she has told me many times, even before asking me on this vacation that this job was good for her professional career but absolutely terrible for her personal life.

 

I don't think I'll ask her again though even if things don't work out with girl #2.

 

The girl on vacation was letting you down gently the first time (horrible excuse though). She is being very clear now she just does not feel that way about you. Take her word on this and move on, no point pining over someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.

 

I would go out with girl number 2 see how it goes. If you end up having feelings for her, then great if not. Well not much you can do about that.

 

I am going to do just that. Thanks for the advice! I just asked girl #2 out this friday and she agreed. I'm happy she said yes but I feel no excitement.

 

But if vacation girl said yes to me, I would feel like I'm cloud nine. I'm feeling ungrateful that at least someone is willing to go out with me yet I'm not excited about it because of vacation girl let down. I haven't been this emotional in a long time.

 

Date the second girl. I think you should take some space from the first girl for your own mental health.

 

Thanks for the help! I think getting some alone time by myself would improve my sanity at this point. My emotions are all out of whack. I've been dumped and it's weird that even though we weren't even dating, her rejection feels like her dumping me.

[futuregopher]

bump thank you

[Carenth]

Not really sure what you are bumping for. This seems like a pretty simple situation as people have replied to.

[tlegend]

Not really sure what you are bumping for. This seems like a pretty simple situation as people have replied to.

 

Publicity stunt....imo

[Assasda]

You are needy, and the vacation girl knows how needy you are.

[Chocolat]

I say hold out for as-yet-unmet girl #3. Vacation girl isn't feeling it for you, which is disappointing. But Girl #2 apparently is, and you're not. It's not really fair to Girl 2 to go out with her out of boredom or because she's the only thing around.

 

Sooner or later there will be a Girl #3 who fees about you the same way you do about her.

[crederer]

The girl you want most doesn't want you, so may as well go for the other one as she is/may be interested. Simple as that.

[fujidabruin]

Whether you date girl #2 or decide to move on to other options, I suggest you may want to consider NC with the vacation girl as you clearly have emotional attachment to her at this point.

 

Will be difficult to start a healthy relationship elsewhere if you cannot detach from someone presently in your heart. Try to stay aware of when you are acting out of your unresolved emotions

 

Good Luck to you futuregopher