guest Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Just recently, my ex-boyfriend and I got together to spend a weekend. We broke up almost 6 months ago because we were doing an LDR, he was dating other people, I suspected him of cheating, and I broke up with him. He began contacting me, franticly, two months ago insisting that he missed me and wanted to see me. I was afraid to give in because I assumed that he'd already moved on and was dating someone else. He told me he has been dating, but nothing serious. I invited him to my city to spend the weekend with me. We went out to lunch as soon as he arrived. We were having a serious discussion about what's been going on in our lives since we split. The conversation got a bit aggressive as he attempted to validate reasons for some of the things he admitted to me. I disagreed with something he'd said and I began baggering him about some females in his life who helped ruin our relationship. I could feel the tension as I literaly had him backed into a corner. He insisted that he's not dating anyone seriously right now and I disagreed. That's when it happened... He snapped at me and called me by some other womans name. He was soo embarassed, he got up from the table and went to the restroom to compose himself. I didn't know what to think. When he returned, he apologized for calling me by that womans name. He admitted that she is the only woman in which he's been spending all of his time with since our break up. He explained that there were also times with her where he almost called her by my name, only he caught himself before it actually happened. I accepted his apology and we moved on with our day. However, the thought of the other woman still lingered with me. When I expressed my desire for us to give our relationship another try, he refused to do so, claiming that he had been ready to marry me before I dumped him. If I had never dumped him, he wouldn't be in the postion that he's in right now. So of course, he can not choose between me and the other woman. He feels that I hurt him by breaking up with him, and he doesn't want to risk that again. He suggested that I move on and try to find someone else to make me happy. Now I'm feeling all confused because he was the one who contacted me and said he wanted to see me. I was the one who was hurt in the relationship, that's why I dumped him. I was afraid to allow him to come visit me because I didn't want to get hurt again. But I allowed it, I expected him to come to me with an open heart. I thought he was ready to give us another try with a clean slate. Instead, he came here and called me by some other womans name. Where did I go wrong?
Cupcake Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 You never should have invited him back. Did you ever consider the fact that he could have only wanted to see you just one last time so that he would know for sure what he was missing, if anything ??
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 He made it very clear what his intentions were: he said he did not want a relationship with you, and that you should move on with your life. At this point, who broke up with who is a moot point. The relationship is over, and it sounds like this is the final crossroad for you two. Time to go your separate ways. Maybe he wanted to see you because he missed you in some way - that doesn't mean he wants to be back in a relationship with you though. It could be that he just wanted some closure and a way to reassure himself that it was time for him to move on with his life. I think he wanted to see you because he was letting you go inside his heart and this was the best way for him to do that.
HokeyReligions Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Sounds like he got the closure he wanted. I began baggering him about some females in his life who helped ruin our relationship. I could feel the tension as I literaly had him backed into a corner. He insisted that he's not dating anyone seriously right now and I disagreed. That's when it happened... He snapped at me and called me by some other womans name. You were badgering him and backing him into a corner -- that's not healthy in any relationship. I expected him to come to me with an open heart. I thought he was ready to give us another try with a clean slate. Did you discuss his reasons for wanting to see you before he came for a visit? It sounds like you assumed something and didn't try to communicate beforehand. Let him go. You will both be happier with new partners.
SoleMate Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 I'll echo what the others have said, and also add the thought that calling someone by another person's name is a common error and should just be passed over. Heck, I'm female and my kids occasionally call me "Daddy". I just laugh and do not rip their heads off. I have two girls and sometimes call them by the wrong names as well. My two girls are the most important people in my life, but when my mind is elsewhere, sometimes the name just doesn't come out right. They don't get upset about this either. IMO, the name mistake is meaningless in almost ANY context. So forget the name thing. You two obviously had other problems, probably on both sides. Trust, control, respect, for instance. You are better off apart.
guest Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 I did discuss the reasons. At first I disagreed with the visit. I told him that I didn't want to get hurt. Over the phone, he assured me that he's not dating anyone on a serious level. He kept reminding me of the good times we shared together. He talked to me as though we were still dating. A few times, I had to stop him when he called me "baby girl" and tried to discuss sexual things. Before we had lunch, we did go back to my place for him to unpack his things. We were in an LDR. So normally, the first thing we did when we got together was rip each others clothes off and have sex, like 3 or 4 times before we really talked or did anything else. I mean, even when we broke up, we saw each other one last time and settled everything then. And we had goodbye sex. This time, we were not dating, and it had been 6 months since we'd ripped each other's clothes off. After he unpacked his things, he gave me a long, tight hug. We lay sideways across my bed and looked up at the ceiling as we talked to each other. He was tired from the flight. He kissed me, passionately, and held me in his arms. The conversation really seemed like we both missed each other and were going to try to make things work. Things got really intense because we were literally having fourplay. But we stopped ourselves because we had previously agreed that there would not be any sex during this visit. Then he got up, took a shower, we went out to lunch, and that's when it happened.
Cupcake Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 I'll echo what the others have said, and also add the thought that calling someone by another person's name is a common error and should just be passed over. I'm trying to understand that calling someone by another person's name is a common mistake. I guess, in this situation though, it is different because it reveals that, although he was presently with her, his mind was on the other woman. Wouldn't that be the same hurt that she was trying to avoid from the start. I've had this happen to me before too and I just thought it was totally disrespectful. It's like bringing baggage into a relationship. Certainly there was baggage that caused them to break up. This could have been a time to heal, get back together, or closure. Regardless, he should have had the decentcy to give her his focus, respect, and attention. Guest, if you are still thinking of getting back with this man, you should realize that he is not ready for that. This is a clear sign that he still has things to work out on his own. You may have been able to resolve whatever problems the two of you had before. But now, he has brought another problem into the situation. Now you have to think, "Who is that woman to him? Does he love her? Will she still be there if I give him another chance?" Trust me, this is not the way to start anew.
Pocky Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 He snapped at me and called me by some other womans name. My mother calls me Ami - the name of her dog. My mother calls her dog <insert my real name>. I've called my husband TC which is the nickname I had for my brother growing up. It doesn't mean anything...
daterhater Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 before my ex-boyfriend and i became official, i leaned in to kiss him and called him the name of my close male friend who had a crush on me. i was so ****ing embarassed. to keep it short: don't worry about him calling you her name. we're mere humans. when we're used to saying the name BOB when conversing with men and suddenly after a few months, a new man is put before you, it's common to call him the name of the man you'd spent most of your time with.
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