karen2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I originally planned to go meet my boyfriend and talked to him about something he keeps doing from time to time that has been really bothering me and upsetting me for a while. I got really upset about it and all my friends said that I should tell him. When he texted me to ask where to meet, I said your place or somewhere nice and quiet. He's like freaking out "what????" "why nice and quiet?" "hey!!!!". I said because we can then talk. He then said "talk about what? I have nothing to talk about. Don't come over, don't ruin my weekend with your drama" I told him because I figured out it's better to talk about it then just me getting sad about it then possibly snap at him again when it happens again, it's not fair to both you and me. He was very defensive and asked me to save my drama and that he's having a fun weekend and I shouldn't ruin it. I then told him "maybe just a normal hang out then?" he replied with "fine. come ruin my weekend." When I got there and sat next to him, he's completely quiet and distant and just focused on the TV. I said something but not much response from him. After a while I felt like crying but I didnt want to do it in front of him so I told him I need to get sth first and left. I calmed myself down, called my friend and she said I have to talk about it because I couldnt just do nth about it. After I went back in, he was then on his phone with his mum. I sat by myself, cried a bit, when he's off the phone and finally finished watching TV, I talked to him about the problem that I've been wanting to talk about. I rehearsed in my head before so I wasnt crying and I talked about how I feel and used the words "I" instead of "you", didnt use any nasty words. He was like "you come all the way to tell me this? I told you not to come. you said you are not gonna talk about it. You come and then leave for like half an hr and cried. You dont have to come at all, I do whatever I want, maybe u should not date. you ruined my weekend" I calmed myself not to fight back because I wasnt looking for a fight and since he didnt receive what i said well so I figured there's no way to have a talk. So I just said "I am sorry, we are not talking about it then". Then he took out his laptop and asked me to pick a movie. I asked him if we were alright then, he didnt say anyhting but just asked me to pick a movie.
Maxtor Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I originally planned to go meet my boyfriend and talked to him about something he keeps doing from time to time that has been really bothering me and upsetting me for a while. I got really upset about it and all my friends said that I should tell him. When he texted me to ask where to meet, I said your place or somewhere nice and quiet. He's like freaking out "what????" "why nice and quiet?" "hey!!!!". I said because we can then talk. He then said "talk about what? I have nothing to talk about. Don't come over, don't ruin my weekend with your drama" I told him because I figured out it's better to talk about it then just me getting sad about it then possibly snap at him again when it happens again, it's not fair to both you and me. He was very defensive and asked me to save my drama and that he's having a fun weekend and I shouldn't ruin it. I then told him "maybe just a normal hang out then?" he replied with "fine. come ruin my weekend." When I got there and sat next to him, he's completely quiet and distant and just focused on the TV. I said something but not much response from him. After a while I felt like crying but I didnt want to do it in front of him so I told him I need to get sth first and left. I calmed myself down, called my friend and she said I have to talk about it because I couldnt just do nth about it. After I went back in, he was then on his phone with his mum. I sat by myself, cried a bit, when he's off the phone and finally finished watching TV, I talked to him about the problem that I've been wanting to talk about. I rehearsed in my head before so I wasnt crying and I talked about how I feel and used the words "I" instead of "you", didnt use any nasty words. He was like "you come all the way to tell me this? I told you not to come. you said you are not gonna talk about it. You come and then leave for like half an hr and cried. You dont have to come at all, I do whatever I want, maybe u should not date. you ruined my weekend" I calmed myself not to fight back because I wasnt looking for a fight and since he didnt receive what i said well so I figured there's no way to have a talk. So I just said "I am sorry, we are not talking about it then". Then he took out his laptop and asked me to pick a movie. I asked him if we were alright then, he didnt say anyhting but just asked me to pick a movie. You didnt tell what the problem was. He acted like a douche, but I assume theres more behind that. Either way, he disrespect you. I would never do that to the person I love. He is right, you shouldn't date him. Be a better person and move on.
mishy Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 i dont know, all i know is men prefer passive and meek women that dont speak or act up. Cynical, but thats what i have learned.
Author karen2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 You didnt tell what the problem was. He acted like a douche, but I assume theres more behind that. Either way, he disrespect you. I would never do that to the person I love. He is right, you shouldn't date him. Be a better person and move on. When we hang out together, from time to time he plays with his phone and leaves me there alone doing nothing, sometimes for long like 1-2 hours. It started a few months ago We see each other like twice a week. One time I have spent quite some effort in planning a night for us, and he sat on his bed playing one game after another for 1.5 hours, and totally ignored me. basically that set me to ask him nicely that maybe put it aside when we hang out once. But a few days later, he's like making fun of me by taking out his phone and opened the game and then look at me and say "well we aren't talking." That really upset me. Since I am the one to go all way to his place/neighborhood all the time, I feel a bit unappreciated when I come all the way, and then he sometimes just rather stick to his phone and ignore me when we have agreed to meet up and do something together. I talked to my friends, they were all saying you need to talk to him, like a real talk.
todreaminblue Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 the only way i can think this guy wouldnt like it when you say we need to talk is that it happens often....... i think you need to have one talk clear the air and then dont bring up things from the past again.once you have talked something through..over talking is as bad as not talking...there is only a certain number of times you can rehash the same things over and over again.....when you put your cat out side ......you put it out once....you dont pick it up, put it back inside and carry it back out again...waste of time...you put the cat out done... so put your thoughts out there have one talk, not several do what you have to compromise come to a solution and then move on into tomorrow...do not pick up those thoughts you had and put them back to be discussed and put out again another day.......leave yesterday behind including the talk you had in it.....deb
Author karen2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 the only way i can think this guy wouldnt like it when you say we need to talk is that it happens often....... i think you need to have one talk clear the air and then dont bring up things from the past again.once you have talked something through..over talking is as bad as not talking...there is only a certain number of times you can rehash the same things over and over again.....when you put your cat out side ......you put it out once....you dont pick it up, put it back inside and carry it back out again...waste of time...you put the cat out done... so put your thoughts out there have one talk, not several do what you have to compromise come to a solution and then move on into tomorrow...do not pick up those thoughts you had and put them back to be discussed and put out again another day.......leave yesterday behind including the talk you had in it.....deb that was the first time we really talked about our problem, face to face. Before when I was not happy about something he said (usually on text)/did, I texted him back and told him how that made me feel. He would reply saying I am a drama queen or "wow you need to relax". Even if it happened again, I never brought up the same problem twice. As for this phone problem, I lightly brought up once like "when we got back to your place, maybe you can put your phone aside so we do sth together" since he's been playing on his phone for like 1.5 hours at his place and I spent quite a bit of effort planning the night. Then a few days later, he took out his phone and opened his game and looked at me and said "well we are not talking..." He clearly remembered what I said and I felt he's making fun of me and felt really bad about it. That's why I decided to really talk to him about it. So I did bring it up once lightly but it wasnt like a serious talk, so I thought I would need to really talk to him about it. And of course, the crying part didnt help :/ I couldnt help it though, I was really upset and I never did anything like this in my life, but i was thinking he's my boyfriend and I really cared about us.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Talking to this guy isn't going to make any difference if he isn't willing to listen...you're wasting your time with him. He's already expected the worst and looking at this relationship as a chore (or whatever it is) and he doesn't know what you want him to say or do, seems like he's already made clear he isn't interested or concerned with your problem...I'm not sure what you don't get about that and trying to understand about it, this guy doesn't want to be your shoulder to cry on, watching you cry and be emotionally is probably very agitating and frustrating, even if he wanted to do something he wouldn't know what to do anyway...he's immature/young/inexperienced. So whatever your problem or issue is, you can basically view as your problem not his...because he doesn't have a problem with it and he's being selfish about it, he's not being caring, supportive and all that crap he very likely only wants you around when it's good for him....so you need to just let this guy go and write him a letter if you must get whatever it is off your chest and move on from this relationship, whatever you want and think you're going to get from this guy isn't going to happen, but keep wasting your time if that makes you feel better and you'd rather inch by inch earn his validation and concern like it's some goal you need to fulfill within yourself. Stop being a victim and expecting someone to feel sorry for you, this is what you're doing to yourself...it doesn't matter what all your friends think especially if they're girls about as clueless about men as you are, don't take advice from female friends when it comes to men, especially guys/boys like this. You're not going to ever earn the time or respect or whatever it is by playing nice and waiting like a little puppy for him to throw you a treat (his time and attention), stop doing this to yourself, learn to walk away and respect yourself or you're going to be in this situation with men for a looooong time and it's going to get you nowhere in the end. 1
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