melell Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 So five months on and I am coming through the other side, it feels really really good. It wasn't until I stopped having feelings for my ex that I was able to understand the way he acted. The moment the love goggles came off things made sense, and I was like 'ohh now I get why he was so cold'. It really isn't until you don't want them that the questions get answered. 5 months ago I felt like living wasn't worth the pain, I was miserable, and lost. I spent 8 years with someone, they were my life, for me it was like they are gone=my life is gone. I hardly think of my ex now, and when I do it is not out of love. When I look back I am blown away by the power 'love' (hormones or whatever) has over us. I don't have many friends, I don't have the greatest life, I don't have a whole lot to distract me, or look forward to- but despite that, things got better for me, and I can honestly say I am really happy now, and really proud of myself. For everyone who feels like things wont get better (for whatever reason) I really do believe it can if you let it. If you focus on the positive things, whether it be a joke, your pet, your family, anything happy- suddenly a bunch of positive days pile up, and you end up feeling good. And if you put your emotions aside to really listen to others, things become easier. Eventually you will look back at those hardest months/weeks, and it will seem like a distant memory- it will barely rattle you. I made a simple goal 'To be positive as much as possible', and I made a real effort to look at my situation from a non emotional stand point, it got easier and easier, and there was no self trickery. It helped me a lot. Thank you to everyone. Esp JDPT, Barky, and Simon Pheonix, I really listened to you, and dug your logic. You all put things in a way that made a lot of sense to me, I took it on board, and I really think you saved me from months and months of unnecessary emotional torment. Thank you! 9
Vinsanity1307 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Hey glad your doing better. You give helpless people who are in a dark place (like me) some hope. I pray I reach that stage as well. Still no light though...again glad your doing better 1
Author melell Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Hey glad your doing better. You give helpless people who are in a dark place (like me) some hope. I pray I reach that stage as well. Still no light though...again glad your doing better Just keep on keeping on. I will admit, my situation was made a little easier because it would be really really unhealthy for me to ever go back. Things will look up in time I promise x
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Just keep on keeping on. I will admit, my situation was made a little easier because it would be really really unhealthy for me to ever go back. Things will look up in time I promise x Glad its gettinf better. 1
Emma1234 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 That is incredibly inspiring may I ask you for the answer as to why he was so cold?
candie13 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 the first year, year and a half were hardest for me, after my 7 years relationship. My bit ex was not toxic or a bad person to me, he was simply a commitment phobic. Two years later, I met another fascinating guy ... who was a commitment phobic again . Luckily for me, I understood it pretty fast, also it took me a long time to leave relationship. What I'm trying to say is: getting over and ex is more or less difficult. Understanding why you made those choices is something you're gonna have to deal for the rest of your life. I am very very glad to hear you are doing better and managed to get out of that emotional turmoil. Make sure you understand this lesson fully, so that you won't repeat the same mistake in the future! Best of luck 2
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Beautiful message of hope..... so many people here need to know that this too shall pass. Thank you for passing it on!!!
barky2 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Melell, I pretty sure months ago I promised you personally,that you would be just fine in the end... So did I keep my promise? So glad you're where you're at in the healing process. It's not easy,but when you get almost to the finish line,it's liberating. Keep pushing forward, extremely proud of you . Barky 2
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 if your ex hadnt begged to reconcile, would you be as happy?
JDPT Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 On thing is promised, that if you are willing do to through the grunt work you will eventually come out victorious. And you are a vivid example Mel. Going through a break up is one of the hardest things we experience in our lives and times. We feel the excruciating pain in the flesh, leaving us exhausted to think will this ever subside? There is no rushing this, all steps must be meticulously address in order to move on to the next painful step. Things do happen for a reason and as much as we will like to think that our ex was our "soulmate" he or she simply wasn't and we must gracefully internalize and accept that fact. I'm roughly at 5 months and have my ups and downs, just learning to embrace them knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm very proud in your substantial progress and know that the journey is not quiet over, we still have a lot of way to pave, we are all in a good place, very happy for you. Good job LS team. 2
Author melell Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 As JDPT said, it is not over yet. The difference now is it doesn't hurt anymore, I don't have to be worried about feeling like ***t, I wake up happy, I don't dread the future, and I understand I am responsible for being happy. In the first few months I couldn't imagine getting here, so it really is very rewarding in its own way. Even when I am having a down, I know I can deal. Simon, I listened to you, believed you, and you were right indeed. There were days when I when I was overwhelmed and I would just repeat in my head 'It really doesn't matter because it will be ok and the end', it gave me solace for sure, changed my days from horrid to good. The reason, for me, that he was cold, was because he was past caring. Now that I am past caring, being cold is pretty easy to do. h0000, his begging and pleading changed nothing for me, I was already at the stage of saying no before it happened. I also know that him wanting me back was about him, not me, so it was never 'this person is in love with me they want me back', it was more 'this person thinks their life would be better with me at this moment'. But yeah, even before he asked I had moved on tremendously, and I really thought he would never want me. Even though he wanted me back it changed none of the hurt I had to go through to let go. 1
crazybestie101 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 As JDPT said, it is not over yet. The difference now is it doesn't hurt anymore, I don't have to be worried about feeling like ***t, I wake up happy, I don't dread the future, and I understand I am responsible for being happy. In the first few months I couldn't imagine getting here, so it really is very rewarding in its own way. Even when I am having a down, I know I can deal. Simon, I listened to you, believed you, and you were right indeed. There were days when I when I was overwhelmed and I would just repeat in my head 'It really doesn't matter because it will be ok and the end', it gave me solace for sure, changed my days from horrid to good. The reason, for me, that he was cold, was because he was past caring. Now that I am past caring, being cold is pretty easy to do. h0000, his begging and pleading changed nothing for me, I was already at the stage of saying no before it happened. I also know that him wanting me back was about him, not me, so it was never 'this person is in love with me they want me back', it was more 'this person thinks their life would be better with me at this moment'. But yeah, even before he asked I had moved on tremendously, and I really thought he would never want me. Even though he wanted me back it changed none of the hurt I had to go through to let go. Wow , in this 5 months of your NC , after how much time he contacted to you ?
Author melell Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Btw I meant Barky, in the above post. Sorry!!!
Author melell Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Wow , in this 5 months of your NC , after how much time he contacted to you ? He contacted me a few times. A text message here and there which I didn't reply to in the second and third months, about once a week. Then when I changed numbers he called my house a few times in the 4th month. I answered once. A few days into month 5 he called constantly for two days, I didn't answer. He eventually came to my door. He was not nice at all in his attempts to contact me in the first three months, certainly not trying to reconcile. He was cold and trying to use me, I think that helped me think f*** you. He knew I was over it when he came to my house, I don't think he realized I would let go. I really believe that until you are oozing self respect they won't come back. When you are at that point, chances are you wont want the person who walked away. I was the person searching for stories about dumpers coming back, but it really doesn't work like that. You have to always live for you, and be as happy as you can be, nothing is more attractive than that. 1
crazybestie101 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 He contacted me a few times. A text message here and there which I didn't reply to in the second and third months, about once a week. Then when I changed numbers he called my house a few times in the 4th month. I answered once. A few days into month 5 he called constantly for two days, I didn't answer. He eventually came to my door. He was not nice at all in his attempts to contact me in the first three months, certainly not trying to reconcile. He was cold and trying to use me, I think that helped me think f*** you. He knew I was over it when he came to my house, I don't think he realized I would let go. I really believe that until you are oozing self respect they won't come back. When you are at that point, chances are you wont want the person who walked away. I was the person searching for stories about dumpers coming back, but it really doesn't work like that. You have to always live for you, and be as happy as you can be, nothing is more attractive than that. Nice to hear your story. I want to feel better too. Though i know it takes good months of hard work. But from your situation , i can feel little hope. Well , i don't think i want to get back together with my ex from what he just did when i tried to express my feelings. But since he has lost his mind i always wish one day he comes to his sense and realizes everything. That's all i want!
Author melell Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Nice to hear your story. I want to feel better too. Though i know it takes good months of hard work. But from your situation , i can feel little hope. Well , i don't think i want to get back together with my ex from what he just did when i tried to express my feelings. But since he has lost his mind i always wish one day he comes to his sense and realizes everything. That's all i want! I wanted the same, seriously. My ex, in mine and his doctors opinion, was mentally unstable. For a long while I used that as a way to hope. The thing is, it is no excuse. Hoping he realizes is a slippery slope. You don't need to be mean, you don't need to be harsh, but you do need to do what is BEST for you. When my ex came back I felt extremely guilty for saying no, I felt like an awful person. But what is best for me is doing things that make me as contented as possible, and I chose that, even if it means being alone forever. I am ok with that. Don't worry about him, worry about you, and do things for you.
JDPT Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 As JDPT said, it is not over yet. The difference now is it doesn't hurt anymore, I don't have to be worried about feeling like ***t, I wake up happy, I don't dread the future, and I understand I am responsible for being happy. In the first few months I couldn't imagine getting here, so it really is very rewarding in its own way. Even when I am having a down, I know I can deal. As the lyrics of a song goes, "hard work pays off, you get what you put in, so why stop now gotta keep pushing!" 2
Author melell Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 As the lyrics of a song goes, "hard work pays off, you get what you put in, so why stop now gotta keep pushing!" Ya, dig. I might just aspire to be badass and ruthless.
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