ScholarLady077 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It's been a year and a half since I broke up with my ex. We ended in good terms, we were able to stay as friends and occasionally stay in touch through facebook message. He knows I moved on and I no longer have any feelings for him. I thought he moved on as well but lately he's been texting me and tell me things like "today would be our 3rd year anniversary" and things that make me wonder "is he asking for a second chance?" I obviously don't believe in second chances because I already know the person he is, what he likes ..ect and our relationship didn't work for a reason. We don't function as a couple and he should know that. He also knows I don't believe in second chances, so there's no need in having to tell him this again. How do I continue being friends with him without acting so cold and harsh? Has anyone gotten back with their exs? What factors played a part in your decision? How long was it before they came back? why would you go back with your ex?
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I got back with my ex several times. It was one of those on and off kind of things. I dont think it can ever last honestly. I look back now and I honestly dont know how we kept getting back together. I mean nothing changed. I think once someone has BU with you it can never be the same unless you really sit down and talk about why you broke up and work on the issues otherwise its just always there. You always wonder are they going to change their mind again, am I doing the things that annoyed them and made them leave in the first place. Not good! I have heard of people who split up and got back together and are happy for a long time. But I think thats very rare. Ultimately once you BU once i think its never the same again. There's trust issues, resentment, hurt.... 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 BS. If my ex took me back I'd be so happy we'd never have another fight again. I know exactly what went wrong and it wouldn't happen a 2nd time. You don't know what love is Until you've learned the meaning of the blues Until you've loved a love you've had to lose You don't know what love is" –Chet Baker "The course of true love never did run smooth" - a Midsummer's nights dream. -William Shakespeare- 1
gullibleme Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Mz Sassy is so right....It's been a year and 4 mos since my ex and I last talked...we also had an on and off relationship. I was devastated from the breakup but stuck to my guns and never had any contact with him. I recently heard from the grapevine he is having issues with his 18 yr old daughter..heavy into drugs and his GF was not sympathetic to his problems so he kicked her out...guess who texted me!! A year and a half later...pppffftt. I wasn't who you wanted back then, don't come back now...there is always an underlying reason they come back into contact...ego boost, friendship, loneliness..what have you, but you have to remember if you were who they truly wanted they wouldn't have left EVER!!
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Whatever reason you BU for doesnt matter. People who truly love you dont leave you. They try to work on the issues. It's easy for them to say you didnt do this or you did that. At the end of the day it didnt matter how much effort I put in, how much I changed, didnt matter because they didnt want to be with me anymore. I think you will find with the majority of BU's there is no good reason. They are just excuses they come up with to try to justify dumping you because they dont love you anymore. 1
Never Again Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I have heard of people who split up and got back together and are happy for a long time. But I think thats very rare. Ultimately once you BU once i think its never the same again. There's trust issues, resentment, hurt.... Relationships working in general is very rare. Getting together again after a BU can be successful if both parties have moved on, forgiven themselves and each other, and worked on their issues. If they've done these things, then it's a "new" relationship with the same people, and there would be no trust issues unless someone was paralyzingly insecure. Simon Phoenix, one of the better voices of reasons on these boards, recently mentioned that he'll soon be going to 2 weddings...in each case, those getting married broke up and were apart for an extend period of time...long enough for each person to grow individually. Reconciliations are rare and you should never count on then, but people who do "really love you" will leave if they need to. Timing is a huge component to relationships, and very compatible couples will split because of it - sometimes it simply is not the right time...and hell, sometimes people make mistakes. There is no single sweeping belief of "if they REALLY loved me..." or "If it didn't work the first time..." that's applicable to all relationships. That being said: OP, if you don't want to give HIM a second chance, then tell him just that. It's been long enough after your breakup that, even though you KNEW him, you don't know who he really is NOW (at least not in terms of who he is in a relationship). We don't know the details, but the reasons for why your relationship didn't work before could be very different, and you and him are both different people now. I'm not going to try and convince you to believe in second chances, as that's your own opinion, but I will tell you that they do happen and sometimes they even work. If you're not interested in HIM, then number of chances he's on doesn't matter. Don't hide behind principles and "not believing in second chances", because I'm sure you'd reconsider those ideals if you were interested enough. If you care enough about him to be his friend, be honest. Just tell him you're not interested in him and don't think you ever will be, but value him as a person. Relying on logic and principles leaves the door open for him to try and "convince" you. 2
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