TheHopelessOne Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) Hi all, I'm new to this forum. I'm after some advice and possibly someone to reassure me what I'm doing is the right thing or if you have another perspective of this situation I'm in. I'll try to keep it brief but accurate. Basically, I met this guy at work who's like my dream guy. We are coworkers but we don't sit anywhere close, meaning we can't see each other from our workstations. But to get to my desk, I could possibly pass his desk (possible because there's another route to my desk which is in theory longer way around and it won't pass his desk). I have had a crush on him since I began working there just a little over a year ago. I didn't act on it because I was told he was taken. He's a reserved and quiet guy so even if we bumped into each other at work, we just exchanged courteous greetings and smile, very professionally. Because his work and mine doesn't overlap, there was very little contact between us. Saying morning and bye are the only contacts I made with him when I walk past his workstation. Around seven months ago, we began chitchatting in kitchen area and I was surprised he would chat with me and I was extremely nervous so I might have acted a bit awkwardly. Our small chats turned into longer chats because I started going around to his desk with silly work questions and then we would start getting to know each other through small chats. The chats would go on for 20-25mins sometimes. Then three months ago, I found out through another colleague that he broke up with his girlfriend whom he had been with for five years (guessing). I was excited and finally encouraged myself to ask him out to a coffee date. I was very nervous and never dreamed of he would say yes. So I wasn't prepared and didn't set a date, I asked him to let me know when he wanted the coffee. A week passed, he never followed up so I followed up asking him out to a dinner. He said yes again and this time we agreed on a day and time. He emailed me asking me where I would like to go and suggested a new restaurant around the area where he lives. I told him I wouldn't mind so he said he would suss it out. On the day of the dinner, he told me he drove past the new restaurant and didn't think it was suitable for dining in and suggested another restaurant. We went on dinner and it was great. During the night, he brought up that he's house sharing with his ex. I didn't respond or say anything to that. Time flew past and I really didn't want it to end because I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time, and this hadn't happened to me before. We laughed a lot and he seemed relaxed and enjoying himself. But, the dinner ended disappointingly with a phone call from his ex and he hurried off to run errands for her. He didn't touch me at all the whole time. I was conflicted about what his availability was so I didn't follow up and distant myself a bit for three weeks. My colleague convinced me to give him another chance because he might be just getting back into dating scene. So I texted him about something random (small chat stuff), he texted back and then when I tried to continue the conversation, he stopped texting. I asked him out to another dinner and again he said yes and we agreed on a time and place. On the day, he told me he had an emergency but didn't say he would cancel. To my surprise he rescheduled. We met up and this time it was strange. He was distant, not as talkative but there were moments he was enthusiastic and I ended up talking too much. So it ended disappointingly for me once again because I felt like a princess just talking about myself. I texted him because he paid for my meal, I said thanks. He didn't continue the conversation I was trying to continue. He stopped texting after one text again. He also didn't touch me at all, not even a hug. So after this time, I am certain he's not into me at all. For four weeks, I have been distancing myself and stop completely with the small chats stuff. I think he has caught on with my hints. When I see him at work, I can't help but notice he's avoiding me a little bit. We don't chat anymore and when we do it's really coworker level. We exchange eye contact and smiles when we see each other in meetings, but that's as far as it goes. We are friendly to each other still though, I can still feel a bit of chemistry between us when we do stop and chat in kitchen area coincidently. When we do chat, he refers to his ex as housemate if that means something. I noticed all the conversations he initiated were about work, he still hasn't initiated any conversation outside of work. I know I have to move on from this crush but I see him five days a week even though I avoid him a little too but I'm very conflicted because I would miss our conversations, miss seeing his smiles and miss hearing his voice. I think I'm still crushing on him because my dating scene is so quiet and it's beyond my control (though I have increased number of online sites I use but I don't get any dates). When we talk at his workstation, he would turn his body to face me while sitting down but would put one arm across his body, and sometimes he would be fidgety with something. Last week, when he asked me about work, I noticed his face was red. I could be imagining it though so didn't think anything of it. He and I held our eye contact the whole time. I felt normal, not nervous but it was nice. I smiled about it afterwards if that means something. I still say morning and bye everyday like I always do. A few times if I was in before him, my body felt like it had a mind of its own, I would go out of my way to say morning but I stopped myself half way through (eg back away from his workstation without anyone seeing me). Am I trying too hard to not crushing on him? Here is what I think. I think he's still in love with his ex but he's trying to move on without changing his living situation. When we meet at work, he's relaxed and friendly because work is his sanctuary at the moment, so I misread his signals. When we meet outside of work, he might feel sad that he's not with his ex anymore. So he became reluctant to try. Because my own dating scene isn't eventful at all, I'm finding myself unintentionally waiting for him. I am conflicted whether this is the case and that I should at least keep an open mind about this friendship. Is it because he hasn't verbally rejected me, for example, he had two opportunities to say no to me when I asked him out but he didn't? Is there a way I could be sure there is absolutely no possibility between us without coming across being too strong? How do I stop thinking about him? Any advice or different perspective is appreciated. Thanks. Edited October 20, 2013 by TheHopelessOne
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