RollTide10 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Why is that we as men, men who would never cheat, abuse, lie, leave during tough times always find ourselves being kicked to the curb. I for one had been in a 6 year relationship with a girl I thought honestly wanted to spend her life with me. The only issues I personally have is being clingy and a little insecure. Why is that those of us who never have huge issues are the ones who never get a second chance? This post isn't meant to really draw a response but more so to let some steam off. I don't understand how the guy my ex is possibly chasing who uses woman for sex only, refuses to have a family, refuses to ever have marriage is better for her then the guy who is on his way to be a CRNA, is practically family, has never caused issues in our relationship, wants a family, wants marriage, etc. This world honestly leave me so confused and hopeless sometimes. The good guys truly never win. 4
headinthecloud Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 We live in a society that markets idealism and satiates the human desire for instant gratification. I find that people are alurred by drama, the chase. I'm sorry this happened to you, but don't lose faith in the good people of this world. You sound like a great guy and the girl of your future is out there looking for you too, and she won't let you go when she finds you. 2
Yamaha Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It probably comes down to chemistry. She feels more chemistry for that guy. Doesn't matter how long your relationship lasted. Her heart and emotions are alive when he is around. Don't run yourself down and wonder why. You won't understand it and she probably doesn't either. Don't kick yourself for being a good guy. Be that guy and someone will notice!
Sugarkane Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I would like to know the same thing and I'm a woman.
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Maybe she just wants drama and thrill and for her,you are way too clingy and insecure. so same question why are you attracted to the girl who likes bad boys and not find yourself a homey girl who likes guys a little clingy and insecure?
AnyaNova Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 As long as the guy was willing to work on the issues of clinginess and insecurity, if they are intelligent, creative, loyal, and tend to view the physical expressions as somewhat almost sacred in nature, I'm good to go. Intelligent women know that the "bad boys" only lead to destruction. There are intelligent women out there who are looking for more than that. Keep plugging.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Just unreal....I find myself beckoning for answers to the situation. The hows, the whys, and so forth but there honestly is no explanation for it. Only thing I can do is keep moving forward. I will say the chemistry between us was unbelievable, both physically and emotionally, but the past few months since the original break up have been "off". After we made our way back together about a month after the original break, we immediatley found ourselves with the fire for each other we once shared, but shortly thereafter the truth behind neither of us actually ever changed found its way to the surface. Idk....so many questions with no answers but to just live and realize that every day spent holding on to the past is a day I could have been making progress for the future. 1
Never Again Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It probably comes down to chemistry. She feels more chemistry for that guy. Doesn't matter how long your relationship lasted. Her heart and emotions are alive when he is around. Don't run yourself down and wonder why. You won't understand it and she probably doesn't either. Don't kick yourself for being a good guy. Be that guy and someone will notice! Chemistry - Compatibility = Infatuation Infatuation ("new relationship energy"/"honeymoon period"/"new passion") is apparently what everyone wants in a relationship nowadays. This is the "it" people claim to feel...how they know someone is "the one". Guess what? When a relationship first begins, we all imagine that we'll be with that person forever. This feeling leads people to foolish decisions that they later regret. It's why the average American couple gets divorced after only 3 years now. Chemistry provides a miserable, false illusion generated by her hormones. It has little to do with her "heart" and everything to do with how he makes her "feel" RIGHT NOW. This man also sounds "unattainable", meaning that there's more of a chase. The more challenging the chase, the more anxiety she feels...the more anxiety she feels, the longer the chemistry lasts. Chemistry fades over time because our brains simply cannot sustain that kind of "high" for a prolonged period of time. You can always bring "it" back in a relationship, but most people don't want to bother spending the time and effort to regenerate attraction when it's so much easier to find someone NEW and EXCITING. It's the basis of all of today's relationships, apparently. Many of us have gone through it, and many will continue to. My ex and I had incredible chemistry to begin with...and we were ALSO compatible. But, because I was safe and secure there was a lack of anxiety. Lack of anxiety = chemistry fades faster = I got dumped It happens. It's one of the most immature reasons you can get dumped, but it happens. 1
crederer Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Being clingy and insecure is a serious dagger to the relationship. Sorry bro, as a fellow "nice guy" I feel you. 1
Author RollTide10 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 I honest couldn't agree more. Even though I was being a tad bit needy due to my lack of school going the way I expected and had hit a slight state of depression for the past while now, if you truly love someone as much as you claim YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM. Maybe that's just me and I know its selfish to think she should have been then for me no matter what because it's her life to live, but isn't it just a selfish to tell a person you are the love of their life, their one and only, they can't see themselves with anyone else, and then 3 months later you just walk away? Just hurt beyond belief right now.
crederer Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 My ex professed her love for me and went on about how I was the greatest thing to ever happen to her and she's so grateful for how well i treat her, better than anyone in her entire world has ever treated her. She broke up with me 2 days later. The reality is, we're not in their heads. We don't know what they're actually thinking. All you can do is keep your chin up and move on. You;ll find someone eventually that appreciates all you do for her.
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 but isn't it just a selfish to tell a person you are the love of their life, their one and only, they can't see themselves with anyone else, and then 3 months later you just walk away? Just hurt beyond belief right now. LOL I never say that sh*t to anyone and I wouldn't take it seriously if anyone were to say it to me. I say I love you, but I will never say "I will love you forever and be with you forever" .Think about it, how would they possibly know what will happen 10 years later? I blame you for believing such naive saying. 1
Never Again Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) People are fickle beings. We make irrational decisions based on fleeting feelings, but convince ourselves that "it was for the best", or "it was meant (or not meant) to be" so that we can avoid regret and guilt. As a species, we're pretty good at avoiding responsibility for our bad choices. My ex was talking about how she couldn't wait to live together just two months before the breakup. Then, suddenly, she was afraid of what she and I would accomplish over the next year. Things had slowed down in the relationship because we each had to put a little more focus on our professional lives. I had put a lot of time and effort into building a solid bond...a good foundation for the relationship...for when the chemistry inevitably faded.. I had a lack of confidence about finding a better job (I was just unhappy with the one I had, and I find the job hunt to be demoralizing), but I wasn't clingy or insecure about her or my relationship in the slightest. I gave her all the space and time in the world to do her own thing. Guess what? I was still dumped even though the relationship "should have been perfect". Familiarity breeds contempt. We take good things for granted and focus on what we lack...and the new epidemic sweeping the dating world is this desire for the "in love" spark to persist forever and ever with no work or communication. I'm not bitter, despite how it may look. It's just frustrating to have been hurt...and to see so many others on these boards hurt...by emotionally stunted dumpers. Edited October 20, 2013 by Pfenixphire 6
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 This thread is very interesting to me. Sounds like many of us are in the same boat. Or is just because we are all dumpees, it just seems similar?
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Familiarity breeds contempt. We take good things for granted and focus on what we lack...and the new epidemic sweeping the dating world is this desire for the "in love" spark to persist forever and ever with no work or communication. I truly believe social media has made this situation much, much worse!!! A new and possibly 'more exciting' situation is just a click away. 3
Haydn Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I am consider myself a good guy, i was never needy but i could be clingy in hindsight. But to my ex, me not being jealous was an issue. She used to try and make me jealous. I never took the bait but there were times where i saw how all these men who treat there girl friends like dirt were always surrounded by women. I have read posts here by men who have assaulted there girl friends and expect them to understand and come back!! I dont think being a nice guy is boring despite what i read about what women want! I cant change to be something i am not. A friend of mine told me the quote. `Good guys go to heaven. Bad guys go everywhere`
geegee81 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I understand. Im a good woman, loyal, goals in life, and i live my life decently. But men aren't into me at all. I dont get it. 2
im_thedude Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Familiarity breeds contempt. We take good things for granted and focus on what we lack...and the new epidemic sweeping the dating world is this desire for the "in love" spark to persist forever and ever with no work or communication. This quote gave me chills. It's scary how well it applies to my situation I truly believe social media has made this situation much, much worse!!! A new and possibly 'more exciting' situation is just a click away. It was for my ex! She's with some guy she met online while we were still together.
Terran1212 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Why is that we as men, men who would never cheat, abuse, lie, leave during tough times always find ourselves being kicked to the curb. I for one had been in a 6 year relationship with a girl I thought honestly wanted to spend her life with me. The only issues I personally have is being clingy and a little insecure. Why is that those of us who never have huge issues are the ones who never get a second chance? This post isn't meant to really draw a response but more so to let some steam off. I don't understand how the guy my ex is possibly chasing who uses woman for sex only, refuses to have a family, refuses to ever have marriage is better for her then the guy who is on his way to be a CRNA, is practically family, has never caused issues in our relationship, wants a family, wants marriage, etc. This world honestly leave me so confused and hopeless sometimes. The good guys truly never win. I was the same way. Just got out of a 4 year relationship. It really is always the good guys like us. We're in a culture of instant gratification and lack of commitment. Just know you can find solidarity with a lot of other people.
InnocentMan Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It's amusing how so called "good guys" think they are the only men that ever get dumped. I personally am a bit of an *******, and have been dumped by numerous women. The OP had 6 years with his girl, her new man will probably be lucky to last 6 months. People leave for many reasons. You being a good guy probably comes way down the list of why they left. It's mostly about the leaver, not the one left behind.
Never Again Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It's amusing how so called "good guys" think they are the only men that ever get dumped. I personally am a bit of an *******, and have been dumped by numerous women. The OP had 6 years with his girl, her new man will probably be lucky to last 6 months. People leave for many reasons. You being a good guy probably comes way down the list of why they left. It's mostly about the leaver, not the one left behind. We all like to think we're "good" in our own heads, eh? Haha, my usual opinion is that anyone who adamantly claims to be something ("good")...isn't. People do leave for many reasons, and we all possess awful quirks outside of our inherent "goodness". I tend to associate a person as being "good" in a relationship if they are intellectually and emotionally available, receptive, and willing to (occasionally!) put their partner's needs above their own. These traits tend to work against the "value of exclusivity" (the more limited a resource, the more valuable and attractive it is!), which is a stupid concept, but even I'm guilty of falling into that trap sometimes. People who are "less good" tend to be less available and make their partners invest more in the relationship...and the more they invest, the more likely they are to stay. Being "less good" is, on the whole, more attractive. Some of us just can't help ourselves and then become hurt even MORE because we "did so much!" for the one that dumped us. It's about learning to adopt a healthy level of selfishness, I guess.
JDPT Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I truly believe social media has made this situation much, much worse!!! A new and possibly 'more exciting' situation is just a click away. Selective media, what a plague.
Never Again Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I truly believe social media has made this situation much, much worse!!! A new and possibly 'more exciting' situation is just a click away. It's a double-edged sword, no? It exposes us to excitement and has made us accustomed to instant gratification, but... ...it makes exhibitionists of us all. If nearly every piece of information about my interests, goals and life are out there...don't I become mundane and familiar that much more quickly? 1
Terran1212 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 We all like to think we're "good" in our own heads, eh? Haha, my usual opinion is that anyone who adamantly claims to be something ("good")...isn't. People do leave for many reasons, and we all possess awful quirks outside of our inherent "goodness". I tend to associate a person as being "good" in a relationship if they are intellectually and emotionally available, receptive, and willing to (occasionally!) put their partner's needs above their own. These traits tend to work against the "value of exclusivity" (the more limited a resource, the more valuable and attractive it is!), which is a stupid concept, but even I'm guilty of falling into that trap sometimes. People who are "less good" tend to be less available and make their partners invest more in the relationship...and the more they invest, the more likely they are to stay. Being "less good" is, on the whole, more attractive. Some of us just can't help ourselves and then become hurt even MORE because we "did so much!" for the one that dumped us. It's about learning to adopt a healthy level of selfishness, I guess. This is a really good way to describe it I've never seen before. It's like being too there for someone can also make you feel too regular and too easy.
haggard969 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 happend to me to bro. 3 year anaversary next month. i have a kid n she has a kid. they are the same age. i raised them both. n was a great man. she started taking off. ditching n ignoring me for 2 months. then she dumped me for him. she did not care if she saw me or my daughter ever again. no emotion at all. n now her baby daddy came back into the picture even though he has never been there before. so my ex just kicked me n my daughter to the curb. drops her kid off at the baby daddys house every weekend n stays at her new mans house. she said im sorry im with him now . i dont think we should ever get back together. what a joke. everything ive done for her. helped her finish school n get a career . everything i did n then she ultimatly threw me away. your not alone. i lost her. my step daughter. her entire family that was i became apart of.
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