mms171 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I'm a girl and I'm 19. I'll try to summarize the situation as effectively as I can. I'd really appreciate any thoughts on the matter, and also this is my first post. I turned to this site because I really don't know what to do anymore A little over a year ago I discovered I was attracted to my best friend, it hit me like a truck and I didn't know what to do about it. So I told her and low and behold, she felt the same way. We got curious and so we decided to explore. Turns out we liked it. It was all very new and exciting. I had a boyfriend and so did she. Note, this is the only girl I've been attracted to and similarly for her. I categorize myself as straight (because I'm still attracted to guys) with one, amazing exception. Then I realized I was in love with her. And as we clumsily confessed these feelings to each other, we realized it was more than a curiosity thing. Soon jealousy started creeping up on us, and we both couldn't stand that the other was involved with someone else. The year passed with good times and bad times, moments of tension and fighting, making up, stolen kisses at parties and holding hands in the darkness of a movie theater (really fast-forwarding here). Then we both became single in the spring. I wanted to be with her, not "come out" to our parents or anything...I was only ready for a private commitment. Unfortunately this was not reciprocated. We'd established that we'd keep this up but to always be open to the possibility of a guy in the picture. We started showing affection in public, a big step for us. Holding hands, quick pecks, what any normal guy-girl couple would do. Then she started talking to/seeing her ex-boyfriend again and it broke my heart. This, of course, caused a lot of tension and fighting. Long story short this blew up in our faces, and now we decided to "end things". Presently, we're both in bits over losing the "relationship" part of us. Now, she's telling me how hurt and how much pain she's in over everything. Through it all she said she had feelings for two people at the same time (her ex really did a number on her) but now it seems like he doesn't even exist (they stopped talking again). Essentially, contradicting everything about her not wanting even a private relationship...she's ashamed of her feelings (we talked about this). And I don't know what to make of it all. I'm so emotionally raw from hearing she doesn't want to be with me, and having had to share her. Being pulled in then pushed away. We're in this state of nothingness where we're both torn up over losing the other "this way". All I need now is for her to tell me she wants to be with me. Or that she doesn't. Either or would kill me. Because why be so torn up about something you never fully wanted? I do still care about her, and we are going to try and fix things...we're both willing. But in the meantime, all I'm left with is sadness. I don't know what to do...
Author mms171 Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 can someone please reply? :/ I'm so desperate for any form of guidance or thoughts or opinions
AlexAD Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I'm a lesbian...basically, you need to get rid of her and I know that sounds CRAZY to you right now, but I've gone through what you're going through and it doesn't ever work with bisexuals. Maybe you're bisexual too or maybe you're gay, but either way, if she's "ashamed" of you, you don't need her. Waiting for her to come around is just waiting and wasting time that you could be healing and then finding someone better/hotter/nicer/who isn't ashamed. Enough of her...you make the choice and get rid of her and move on. Trust me....when you meet someone else, and you will, she'll come back and you wont even care anymore because you will see what love really is all about in someone who's a brighter, bigger star.
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