Have you ever been the dumper and dumpee in the same relationship?

[ponchsox]

Have you ever dumped someone in a relationship, reconciled, and later ended up being the dumpee? Did you regret getting back together and do you feel dumping them the first time caused problems?

[Kizmet Fisher]

Have you ever dumped someone in a relationship, reconciled, and later ended up being the dumpee? Did you regret getting back together and do you feel dumping them the first time caused problems?

 

Yes, I have. I onced dumped my boyfriend of 4/5 months to go chasing down the little breadcrumb trail my ex boyfriend was leaving me. When that blew up in my face I came crawling back. He accepted me back but broke up with me over txt message about 6 months later.

 

I don't regret getting back together, it's pointless and we did have some good times together but I didn't really love him, he was essentially my consolation prize. Do I feel dumping him in the first place caused problems? I don't really know, because I was the dumper not the dumpee. But the problems from the first relationship definitely carried over. We weren't meant to be together, and when he finally made me the dumpee, it was because he realized it too.

[bcm235]

Yep! Was with my ex for 2 and a half years on and off. After 6 months i had to move over 100 miles for work. She started a new uni course. The stress of ldr and her getting to close to other guys made me call it a day three times. The first 2 times we were back together within a week. The final time i walked away for what i thought was for good. I was done with her! Relieved!

 

Anyways i get a job back home where we lived and one day about 3 months nc she contacts me. We spend a couple of months as friends then it got to xmas, i was lonely and she didnt seem so bad anymore so we got back together.

 

For the first 2 months I had doubts but then i began to fall for her again. Her behaviour had improved from the first time but no matter that i forgave her i struggled to forget. This meant i was distant for a lot of the second time and she started to get sick of it and just called it a day after another 6 months.

 

Do i regret it? Too early to say. I left the first time hating her. Getting back made me realise she wasnt an evil person, however breaking up this time has been the hardest ive ever been through. Been 4 months and nearly 3 nc. I have been really struggling. She has a new bf who she met real quick after we ended. Though I dont think shes evil i cant help but hate her right now for giving me bs reasons to break up with me and moving on so quick

 

Deep down I know im better off without.

[Mcscooter]

My ex of Three years. We had a lot of ups and less downs. I eventually developed GIGS and ended up leaving her for another girl. I left her for a hot chick. I just told her things weren't going to work out and she cried her eyes out. As time went by I started to miss my ex, she did NC on me. I noticed that I took her for granted. I text her, if we can talk. I begged for her back and we worked it out. It was strange at first, but we made it work. So a year goes by again. There's this girl that I always liked, but we never talked and one day we did. It was instant GIGS for me again. I left my ex once again. Time goes on again. I regretted it. This time though. I beg so hard, you don't even know. I went the whole nine yards. This wasn't the first time I messed up, this was the second. Surprising we worked it out. The relationship was much better. two years down the road. I'm in the military and it's real hard to do LDR sometimes, but she said she could handle it. She ends up leaving me for another guy.

I was mad at first, but I got what I deserved on the long run. I'm not trying to bash myself, but I shouldn't be upset why the relationship ended. I did change into a better man for her. The first year and before going out with her. I was doing my best to explore and experience everything I can. I never thought about settling down or having a family. She was actually the only girl ever to tie me down. She convinced me into settling down and talking about a family. It's sh*tty, but I'm free once again.

[Mariposa10]

My ex of Three years. We had a lot of ups and less downs. I eventually developed GIGS and ended up leaving her for another girl. I left her for a hot chick. I just told her things weren't going to work out and she cried her eyes out. As time went by I started to miss my ex, she did NC on me. I noticed that I took her for granted. I text her, if we can talk. I begged for her back and we worked it out. It was strange at first, but we made it work. So a year goes by again. There's this girl that I always liked, but we never talked and one day we did. It was instant GIGS for me again. I left my ex once again. Time goes on again. I regretted it. This time though. I beg so hard, you don't even know. I went the whole nine yards. This wasn't the first time I messed up, this was the second. Surprising we worked it out. The relationship was much better. two years down the road. I'm in the military and it's real hard to do LDR sometimes, but she said she could handle it. She ends up leaving me for another guy.

I was mad at first, but I got what I deserved on the long run. I'm not trying to bash myself, but I shouldn't be upset why the relationship ended. I did change into a better man for her. The first year and before going out with her. I was doing my best to explore and experience everything I can. I never thought about settling down or having a family. She was actually the only girl ever to tie me down. She convinced me into settling down and talking about a family. It's sh*tty, but I'm free once again.

 

 

 

Wow, this is so bad, I hope you've learned your lesson!!!

 

 

OP, yes. No, I don't regret it.

[Mcscooter]

Wow, this is so bad, I hope you've learned your lesson!!!

 

 

OP, yes. No, I don't regret it.

 

I learned my lesson alright. It's not about finding Ms.Perfect it's about finding Ms.Right. I went from throwing away broken things into fixing the broken things instead.

[aybc123]

Yes, similar to other people here,

 

Was in a solid relationship with ex for 12 months, I loved her, but i distinctly remember thinking that I didn't want to spend my life with her for the first 9 months or so, and then towards the end of the first year i did want to and things became pretty great between us so i guess it was a slow burner.

 

However, she moved away to another city about 100-150 miles away for a year as part of her PhD, we did long distance but about 6 months in we started growing apart, at about 9 months into the long distance I got GIGs i guess, we hadnt had too much emotional intimacy for the last month or so and felt we were just falling out of love so instead of being mature and working on it i decided to end it and dated someone else briefly after a month or so that I was interested in.

 

She moved back 3 months later and we rekindled a friendship as we were both single but i guess in hindsight she was still in love with me. She then found out I had dated someone not that long after we had broken up (I hadnt told her because she had been going through a nervous breakdown and I stopped seeing this girl to help her through it anyway). Anyway she was extremely hurt and had another fullblown breakdown and told me she still loved me. By this time because we'd been spending so much time around each other I'd developed feelings for her again as well.

 

So we were sort of together for the next 6 months until early july this year. We were exclusive but mostly focused on getting her better rather than having a real relationship (she ended up on anti-psychs etc after the second breakdown). Things seemed to be going well until she told me that she didnt think she was well enough to have a relationship with anyone but that if she was it'd be me (so basically an it's not me it's you excuse). We stayed friends for a couple of months up until mid august but in hindsight I could tell she was moving on from me as a best friend, becoming more distant, hanging out with new people etc.

 

She told me she had been on a few dates with a new guy at the start of september (shes currently away in this other city again for a few months) and I guess I essentially lost it, told her I still loved her and couldnt be friends with her whilst I tried to move on myself. After a week or so I broke NC and tried to apologise for overreacting like a jerk but she wasnt having any of it and has cut me off entirely, wont reply to texts etc, not heard from her in about 6 weeks and shes due back in another 6 weeks or so. Not sure if she hates me and thinks i just want what I cant have or if I just dont matter to her at all anymore and she cant be bothered to deal with talking, but im pretty devastated that someone seemingly so sweet would treat me so harshly.

 

Anyway, my biggest fear at the moment is that I threw away something great because I was too immature to try and fix something rather than throw it away (similar to others here). But it has also been a learning opportunity and I will not make the mistake again. I think I initially made it because I had never been in love with this girl as intensely at the start as I had been with a previous one and thought that was a sign of something being wrong.

 

Now im just looking for someone sweet who will love me and I love them to share life with, doesnt have to be perfect.

 

My biggest regret is not asking her to pick a different project that wouldnt take her 150miles away way back, she would've if i asked, my current favourite form of self torment is wondering where we would be right now if I had.

Edited October 20, 2013 by aybc123