alexjames Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I'm a 21 year old guy. I have only ever had 2 girlfriends in my life. The first was from June 2012 till February this year, and I was madly in love with her. I still think of her to this day and miss what we had. We spent all our free time together and were both in love together. She had a lot of ''issues'' such as major depression and in the end, she just said she couldn't cope being in a relationship as she needed to focus on herself and it wasn't fair on her dragging me down with her etc. I was heartbroken as she was my first love, and I still really miss 'us' to this day, but I have had zero contact since the day it ended.The second only lasted a month (finished last Saturday). This girl was stunning. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She was introduced to me via a work mate, if not, there is NO chance a guy like me could ever get with a girl like her. But she had protective parents, we both work awkward shifts and we argued a lot, because of trust issues (her dancing in a club with EVERY guy near her, grinding with them and getting close, but refusing to dance with me etc) made it hard for me. She never took us seriously. But I REALLY like her, she made me laugh, made me smile and I am still so upset and cut up over losing her, she's the type that ANY guy would look at and say ''wow, I would!!''. We weren't sexual (except for some boob rubbing/sucking haha!) so it was not for the sex why I was with her. The thing is though, I met my first through the internet (hate to admit it!), so I have NEVER actually ''pulled'' a girl. I go clubbing etc, but am so shy I can't go up to a girl and talk to her, I don;t know how or what to say. Plus in clubs, all they want is sex, but I don't! I hate being single though, and want to find a nice, kind funny girl who will make me happy and who I can make happy in return. I just can't see it happening, How can a shy, less than average looking guy, who works all day every weekday and is busy most Saturdays attract a girl? As I said, I don;t want to sound desperate, but my mates are all starting to settle, and there's me who has never had anything longer than 8 months and who has technically NEVER gone out and got a girl?!
Kofybean Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 ..I have only ever had 2 girlfriends in my life. When I was 21 I only had 2 gf's too. Stop comparing yourself to someone else's life. so? What is more gf gonna get you but more heartache considering your personality? ...in the end, she just said she couldn't cope being in a relationship as she needed to focus on herself ... At your point in life right now, I'd get over yourself and do exactly what she did. Forget about relationships. Focus on yourself. wth? Are you in a competition? ...there is NO chance a guy like me could ever get with a girl like her... lol welp.. ok. You said it, so be it. This is precisely why you need to fix yourself first. who has technically NEVER gone out and got a girl?! You got the game eff'd up if you think going to clubs and bars, hittin on chicks gets you anything you'd ever want to keep. You really got it eff'd up to think its the process and not the person that needs to get corrected. Your emotionally depressed girlfriend story should give you the biggest hint, or should I say "mirror". Your post is that you have never gone out and done something, you don't really want to do in the first place.
Author alexjames Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 We were only together a couple of months. I'm 21 and she is 18. She ended it after a couple of arguments (is it really acceptable for a girl to dance with every guy in a club, grinding with them and getting very close when her boyfriend is in the same place and only gives him a quick kiss and cuddle all night?!) So yeah, we had a couple of issues. But when we were together, it seemed perfect. We were really close, could tell each other anything, couldn't keep our hands, bodies and mouths off each other (sorry for any bad images, just had to say it how it was!) but the only sexual thing was a bit of boob rubbing and sucking, so it definitely wasn't for the sex why we were together. She ended it last Sunday after I was a little upset with how she was in the clubs the previous night (it was one of a few different arguments we had). She said she really likes me, and said I am a great guy etc, but the arguments had got her down and she couldn't handle it, so had to finish it ''for the best of both of us''. She was stunning though. The most beautiful girl I've ever met, I'd never be able to attract anybody like her again (I met her after a work mate introduced us). Blonde, blue eyes, beautiful body, but because of this, the attention she got when out did always worry me a bit. But I am infatuated with her. I can't stop thinking of her, wanting to message her, I want to cuddle her and talk to her. She is all I think about and I've broke down so many times this week. She deleted me on Facebook, BUT I can still message her, and I then wrote this following message, but didn't send it, but I really want too: ''Hey A****. Don't worry, I'm not the sort of ex to constantly message you and hassle you, I just wanted to check that you are ok? It's been a week since it all ended and so I just wanted to see how you are, no hard feelings and if I see you out in the future, I'd actually like to remain friends? xx'' I don't know how to resist or why I feel like this. Has anyone got advice please?!
AnyaNova Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Make yourself stay no contact. When you have taken the time, you will realize that you deserve someone who will be with you at the club, and who won't be grinding 90 other guys. That is just rude and disrespectful. I know it hurts and it is hell and it is the equivalent of someone grinding slt into cuts that have been made all over your body, but it does get better. It will eventually begin to lessen and become a dull ache.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Resist by knowing that if you continue you will become the sort of guy who constantly messages and hassles her ex. Cut your losses and move on. In the future, consider the effect of dating an attractive girl who likes to grind on guys in clubs. Doesn't sound like a stable foundation for a relationship.
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