Author solostand Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I remember when our physical affair first started, no I guess our emotional affair, he said "after you're married so long you start to live like brother and sister". I of course lapped this up and thought oh, they're living like brother and sister, for convenience, of course. Not really a marriage per se. ha ha ha. Then I thought about it and shortly after the PA started we were driving downtown and I looked at him and said: "So, if you're living like brother and sister, then of course BS would have no problem if you said to her as you were leaving this morning, "Oh, by the way BS, I'm going to pick up Solostand, we've already had sex twice and we'll probably have sex again today. You don't mind right? mmmmkkay." Yeah, he did not know how to respond to that. 5
Author solostand Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Oh, and one time when she phoned (we were in the truck so it was on bluetooth and I could hear her) they had some mundane conversation and she said "Goodbye Dear". I looked at him and said "Goodbye Dear? DEAR? She LOVES you." Brothers and sisters don't call each other dear. He did not say Goodbye dear. He just mumbled bye. I find it jarring now that he calls me dear. All the time. And sweetie and sunshine.
rumbleseat Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Oh, and one time when she phoned (we were in the truck so it was on bluetooth and I could hear her) they had some mundane conversation and she said "Goodbye Dear". I looked at him and said "Goodbye Dear? DEAR? She LOVES you." Brothers and sisters don't call each other dear. He did not say Goodbye dear. He just mumbled bye. I find it jarring now that he calls me dear. All the time. And sweetie and sunshine. A question. It sounds as if your conscience is pricking you, and you are starting to see her as a real person who really does love him. His cheating on her is going to hurt her, and you will have had a part in that. How does that make you feel? Are you okay with that? If not, does that mean that you will have to push down your conscience to be with him and not be who you really are. It it worth it? 1
Author solostand Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I plan to talk to him about it. He has told me he does not love her anymore, but clearly she does not know that. I may have to make an exit strategy. 3
ComingInHot Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 solostand, as much as I admire your line of thinking right now, I don't envy your position. It is Never easy to have clarity in a not so clear situation. Especially w/matters of the heart. As you begin to process the reality of your situation, feelings, MM's Wife loving her Husband too, remember that your choices and actions affect others sometimes just as much (maybe more) than you. You have more power than you may realize. It's how you choose to weald that power that will determine where you, and others, end up* Bless your Day!! 2
Owl Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I know it's painful to have these realizations, Solostand. Regardless of anything else...I get that. Up to this point you were able to view her as something of a non-entity...a 'thing' that got in the way of MM's and yours joint 'true happiness'. Now you're seeing that she's human, she does love him, and she's neither a monster nor a 'thing'. And you know the hurt she's going to experience. It also starts to outline the misdirection and deliberate deception by omission that MM has used to keep you on the hook with him. She says "Bye, dear"...he mumbles "bye" because he knows you're there, so he can't respond in kind. Had you not been in the truck, he'd most certainly have said "Bye sweetie" or something similar. Now that your eyes are open...it's when you start facing REAL choices. Good luck to you, friend. 2
Speakingofwhich Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I know it's painful to have these realizations, Solostand. Regardless of anything else...I get that. Up to this point you were able to view her as something of a non-entity...a 'thing' that got in the way of MM's and yours joint 'true happiness'. Now you're seeing that she's human, she does love him, and she's neither a monster nor a 'thing'. And you know the hurt she's going to experience. It also starts to outline the misdirection and deliberate deception by omission that MM has used to keep you on the hook with him. She says "Bye, dear"...he mumbles "bye" because he knows you're there, so he can't respond in kind. Had you not been in the truck, he'd most certainly have said "Bye sweetie" or something similar. Now that your eyes are open...it's when you start facing REAL choices. Good luck to you, friend. Mumbling "bye" when usually responding in kind = dead giveaway to W.
Trimmer Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Mumbling "bye" when usually responding in kind = dead giveaway to W. Or the other one is if the WS is not on speakerphone, and the BS on the other end of the line says "I love you", and the WH answers "You too...", because it's his best option to sound responsive to BS over the phone, while thinking he's not sounding (to anyone sitting next to him) like he's saying "I love you" back. But hearing "you too...", everybody pretty much knows what is happening there. 2
underwater2010 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Or the other one is if the WS is not on speakerphone, and the BS on the other end of the line says "I love you", and the WH answers "You too...", because it's his best option to sound responsive to BS over the phone, while thinking he's not sounding (to anyone sitting next to him) like he's saying "I love you" back. But hearing "you too...", everybody pretty much knows what is happening there. Kinda of like "ditto" from ghost right? We all know what he meant!!!
Author solostand Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Well he says she has started to be all nice to him out of the blue. His theory is that her friend's husband died and she is afraid he is going to die. My theory is that she is afraid he is having an affair. She has accused him of it (an affair). Think she is in denial thought because it wouldn't be hard to find out since he uses a company cell phone and all she would have to do is get the records and see the thousand or so calls to my number. Also, when he doesn't call me when he says he's gonna I just call the damn house. When he says anything about it I just say "you shoulda called when you said you would." He never gets mad at me for anything.
Author solostand Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Yes and now there's news of a possible grandchild on the way. He does not want a grandchild but she does. Regardless, it will make my exit that much easier.
Author solostand Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Well I just can't imagine her world imploding at what should be one of the happiest times of her life (her first grandchild). Not to mention the two adult children will DESPISE me more than they would already (which would be a lot).
Trimmer Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Is there no possibility of extricating yourself 'quietly' so to speak? If it is indeed your intention to remove yourself from the triangle? That is my plan If that is your plan (which is probably wise) then are you still doing this: Also, when he doesn't call me when he says he's gonna I just call the damn house. When he says anything about it I just say "you shoulda called when you said you would." ... because that's probably not consistent with a quiet exit... Well he says she has started to be all nice to him out of the blue. His theory is that her friend's husband died and she is afraid he is going to die. My theory is that she is afraid he is having an affair. She has accused him of it (an affair). My theory is that now that you are starting to see her as a normal, thoughtful human, and you have seen that he is lying about what kind of a person she is (and probably mentioned it to him, in one way or another?), he has had to spin a new lie to try to make it all make sense. Oh yes, now she has started to be all nice to him out of the blue. Yeah, that's the ticket, it just now started... 1
liloldlady Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 what you explained was not guilt, it sounded like gloating actually... Pity can be misinterpreted as gloating, I suppose.
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