robbo780 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Both 24. Were boyfriend/girlfriend for 4 years in a long distance relationship, then she broke it off as she felt 'pressured to see me' and didn't want to be in a relationship ("I don't want the commitment"). Now we've been spending time together and she says she doesn't want to get back together but just to see "how things go" in a more relaxed way with but both of us not seeing other people? We've been meeting regularly, sometimes spending weekends together or the odd evening/afternoon. We're 100 miles apart. If ever I send her a message or call her, she never responds even after a few days, yet calls me often at short notice to meet somewhere halfway for dinner or something. I find this all very confusing and need to know what to do next. When we do spend time together, it's great, but I feel this is all on her terms..
Mariposa10 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 She's waiting to find someone else. Do not accept this. It's not worth it. She is being really cruel to you, by not even responding to your texts/calls. The best thing you can do is go NC, if you still have feelings for her. She's using you. You guys could be FWB if you don't have any feelings for her anymore because as soon as she finds someone new she'll dump you in a matter of seconds. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Dump her on these grounds, make her feel rejected and insecure, she'll soon wake up.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It's blatantly obvious what's going on, but often we're too entrenched in our own situations to figure things out. Clearly, she wants you as her safety net for when she gets lonely or rejected but doesn't want a relationship with you. She wants you to be there at her beck and call, but it isn't a two way street. I had this exact situation happen to me a few years back with an ex-boyfriend. It ended terribly and really hindered my getting over him because I hoped it would lead to the full reinstatement of our relationship. It didn't though, and it won't for you either. She's just trying to get as much mileage out of you as she can before she gets a new guy, for whom she is probably already looking. Ditch this girl. She's using you, and you can do so much better.
Criticality Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If you like the FWB situation by all means stay, but don't fool yourself. She's looking for someone else, and is keeping you as a backup. You might want to keep your options open too, even if you like the company and (semi) casual sex.
Copelandsanity Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If you like the FWB situation by all means stay, but don't fool yourself. She's looking for someone else, and is keeping you as a backup. You might want to keep your options open too, even if you like the company and (semi) casual sex. Yeah, I was going to suggest that if you're a secure guy to take advantage of the situation instead
Author robbo780 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Thanks to all for the advice - been good to see it in black and white. I think the next step is complete no contact, there is no point trying to talk about it with her as she will just try to manipulate the situation. Any other advice on whether/what to say anything?
OnlyHonesty Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Yeah, I was going to suggest that if you're a secure guy to take advantage of the situation instead That's like recommending someone to stoop to another persons level, use them like they are using you. Whether a person is secure or not, why would anyone allow themselves to be used and encourage it? People are too busy using each other in this day and age, some one needs to rise above it in my opinion.
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