SarahJames Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I told MM that I can't do this anymore, and that I need space. He was really understanding...the thing is, I'm sort of happy that I have this "space," but also kind of offended that it was so easy for him. A part of me wishes he misses me, but the other part of me says if he was missing me he'd be trying to talk to me. Is it respectful of him to give me what I asked for, or is it a slap in the face?
beautiful_day Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Hold your head high Sarah, walk through the fire into the clean fresh air of integrity waiting for you on the other side. Never look back, always forward. 1
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 You have to not care what it means to him. Don't look to anyone for your worth. If you feel this is right, then own it, proudly, that you walked away, and never looked back. 1
HtotheN Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I told MM that I can't do this anymore, and that I need space. He was really understanding...the thing is, I'm sort of happy that I have this "space," but also kind of offended that it was so easy for him. A part of me wishes he misses me, but the other part of me says if he was missing me he'd be trying to talk to me. Is it respectful of him to give me what I asked for, or is it a slap in the face? It could even be both at the same time.
Eggplant Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 The whole relationship was offensive to you. Don't look for respect from him.
Author SarahJames Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 NC should be done when you're serious about it being over. Men tend to take you literally so when you say you can't do this anymore, he believes you. It's also the reason so many OW don't actually go through with it.... Deep down they know MM will let them go. You should consider what that means. Despite what he might tell you, he's willing to let you go. He's not yours, let him go and find someone who will truly be yours. I guess deep down I was hoping that he was wishing I would contact him despite saying I want to end it...I think I'm realizing it's good of him for not contacting me, but if he's not wishing I'd contact him or even missing me, then it's a slap in the face. I guess whatever helps me sleep at night, right?
Author SarahJames Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 Every night he goes home to his wife is a slap in your face. Every time he crawled in bed with you was a slap in his wife's face. Lots of slaps to go around. Consider what he might be missing. Is it you or the sex? Is it the rush of sneaking around or a profound love with you? Don't take these comments as a criticism. Just realize he won't give you what you really want so who cares what he's missing. He's missing a spine. Lol that last line made me smile. I'm sure we'd all like to think it was more than just sex. I know for me, after time, it became more than just sex. I'd like to think that it was mutual, maybe not love, but at least more than just sex. I'm not at the point of telling myself it was just sex yet. I'm still at the stage of moving on, telling myself it may have been love, but that nothing could have ever come of it due to circumstance. 1
Author SarahJames Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 This is the first sane thing I've read on this forum today. Realizing the realities, despite all the wishes and shoulda woulda coulda talk is a HUGE step. Married people have responsibilities and love with someone else is seldom going to trump it. It's great that you realize it's not really about you. The smartest thing you can do is leave him alone. It's been five months for me and my life has never been better. Ugh, I think this is the case with most women on this site - they don't REALLY need to be told the logical thing. Most women just need to be REMINDED of the logical thing, or have it confirmed. Isn't it unfortunate though, that people tend to stay married due to responsibilities? It's the finances, the kids, the property, the vows, the comfort...but clearly you're not that happy or you wouldn't be having an affair. It's nice to fantasize about one day having the guy you think should be yours....but not so nice once reality kicks in and you realize he's not going anywhere.
yesplease Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 NC should be done when you're serious about it being over. Men tend to take you literally so when you say you can't do this anymore, he believes you. It's also the reason so many OW don't actually go through with it.... Deep down they know MM will let them go. You should consider what that means. Despite what he might tell you, he's willing to let you go. He's not yours, let him go and find someone who will truly be yours. I agree that MM tend to take you literally. The first time I broke up with my MM, his response was, "Okay. Thanks." Within a month of breaking up with him, I missed everything that could have been and got back in touch with him. He easily accepted me back. Then about a week later, I was hinting at breaking it off again and I did. That's when he employed the full force of his vocabulary to hold on to me. The things he said really touched me. All that to say, he probably knows that it is best to let you go --even if he doesn't want to. But, if you should change your mind and give him a second chance, I don't think he'll let you slip through his fingers twice.
yesplease Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Every night he goes home to his wife is a slap in your face. Every time he crawled in bed with you was a slap in his wife's face. Lots of slaps to go around. Consider what he might be missing. Is it you or the sex? Is it the rush of sneaking around or a profound love with you? Don't take these comments as a criticism. Just realize he won't give you what you really want so who cares what he's missing. He's missing a spine. Admittedly, I don't know Sarah's full story. But, maybe she doesn't want the full blown relationship. Maybe she's into the rush of sneaking around and the ultra steamy sex that affairs often bring. I know that's what I wanted. My MM kind of snuck in the "emotional" stuff on me.
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