Aurora29 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I am new here but I really needed like minded people to talk to. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Things were great up until 5 months ago when my boyfriend admitted that he wasn't happy. He said that there were some issues with our relationship that he needed to talk about. We spoke and made some agreements one of them was that he wished we would go out and be social more so I tried and things were fine for a while. We were due to go on holiday and a week before he announces he's not happy he doesn't think we want the same things amongst various other problems. After an hour or shouting and me crying I left and he texted me and admitted that he's been stressed out and he doesn't know why he takes it out on us and that he is sorry. We went on holiday and everything was perfect. We came home and was still really close then he went back to work and went out with work friends I had had a bad day and was really down and was a bit grumpy and he kept thinking it was something he'd done but it wasn't then he said that he felt like he couldn't go out and have fun without feeling bad but I never stopped him or made him feel bad. Then after a couple of days he comes out with all the same stuff again and says that he thinks nothing will change and we're wasting each other's time he said he wants some space and doesn't want any drama and needs time alone. After more shouting and crying I've left him alone it's been 3 days since I've spoken to him and I am up and down. I tried to tell him the last time I spoke to him that things would be different and he hadn't given it a chance to work out but I've been thinking loads and I really want this to work out and I know how I can fix it but hes so stubborn and stressed out he can't see that we're good. People keep telling me that maybe he's just not that into me and maybe he's just too young for me (he's 22 and I'm 30) and that maybe he doesn't want to ruin his 20's being with someone older but he always says he doesn't see me as older and he's previously been in long term relationships so he's not scared of them and the week before when we were on holiday we was talking about us moving out and planning our next holiday. I'm losing hope the longer he doesn't contact me how can he change in a matter of days? Sorry for the essay I just feel so alone and can't talk openly to my friends
Author Aurora29 Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Here was me thinking I would get people who know what it feels like instead of being criticised. Seems I was mistaken and there really is no one I can talk to
Haydn Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Pretty much most of us are in the same boat here. (Some people further on than others) Space means over. I am learning in the hardest way possible and i suspect you will too. Don`t contact him, don`t answer the phone, don`t email, block him. He is not stressed out he does not want to be with you. (I am beginning to sound like Simon P). But i have not contacted my ex for nearly 3 months now. Its hard and then it gets harder. But then sometimes its easier. I am 31 and my ex was 38 and she was in control. I never want anyone to dictate to me again and neither should you! You think you are good together but he really does not. Its going to hurt like hell for a while, maybe a lot longer. But this forum is a place where you can vent and you will not always get the advice you want to hear. (I haven`t) I am desperately in love with my ex but i can`t change the cold cold fact that she does not want me in her life. Take care. Haydn
InnocentMan Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Here was me thinking I would get people who know what it feels like instead of being criticised. Seems I was mistaken and there really is no one I can talk to If he's asked for space, then give him it. Anything else will just create more problems. Give him a week or two without contact, and go from there. If he doesn't contact you by then, let him go. He may have some issues he needs to think through, but generally people that ask for "space", are looking for a way out. 3
Haydn Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I miss her right now and every hour in the day. The same way you miss him. You are not alone and you are not being criticised. Here was me thinking I would get people who know what it feels like instead of being criticised. Seems I was mistaken and there really is no one I can talk to
forgetmenot75 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Look, I ve just read the tittle, and it's enough. If he wants space: GIVE HIM THE DAMN SPACE. No matter if you're in love with him, HE'S NOT. Go no contact and give him the space he's longing for. 1
organizedchaos Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I am new here but I really needed like minded people to talk to. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Things were great up until 5 months ago when my boyfriend admitted that he wasn't happy. He said that there were some issues with our relationship that he needed to talk about. We spoke and made some agreements one of them was that he wished we would go out and be social more so I tried and things were fine for a while. We were due to go on holiday and a week before he announces he's not happy he doesn't think we want the same things amongst various other problems. After an hour or shouting and me crying I left and he texted me and admitted that he's been stressed out and he doesn't know why he takes it out on us and that he is sorry. We went on holiday and everything was perfect. We came home and was still really close then he went back to work and went out with work friends I had had a bad day and was really down and was a bit grumpy and he kept thinking it was something he'd done but it wasn't then he said that he felt like he couldn't go out and have fun without feeling bad but I never stopped him or made him feel bad. Then after a couple of days he comes out with all the same stuff again and says that he thinks nothing will change and we're wasting each other's time he said he wants some space and doesn't want any drama and needs time alone. After more shouting and crying I've left him alone it's been 3 days since I've spoken to him and I am up and down. I tried to tell him the last time I spoke to him that things would be different and he hadn't given it a chance to work out but I've been thinking loads and I really want this to work out and I know how I can fix it but hes so stubborn and stressed out he can't see that we're good. People keep telling me that maybe he's just not that into me and maybe he's just too young for me (he's 22 and I'm 30) and that maybe he doesn't want to ruin his 20's being with someone older but he always says he doesn't see me as older and he's previously been in long term relationships so he's not scared of them and the week before when we were on holiday we was talking about us moving out and planning our next holiday. I'm losing hope the longer he doesn't contact me how can he change in a matter of days? Sorry for the essay I just feel so alone and can't talk openly to my friends I had a very similar break up with my gf over the same issues (me 42 she 33). She wanted space. I tried to work on things for 2 months after it happened but finally have given her all the space she wants. Not contacting her. She hasn't changed and she never may change. Nothing I can do about that and neither can you.
ScholarLady077 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Hello Aurora, My question for you is, what are you gaining from this relationship? You shouldn't continue with a damaged relationship if it seems beyond repair. There's no painless way to end a relationship. It is obvious here that your partner does not want to hurt you by always feeling guilty when he goes out with his friends. He tries to be kind by putting of the breakup to avoid hurting you but it is also obvious that he is no longer interested in this relationship lately you say he hasn't given it a chance to work it out. Your relationship began to deteriorate when he admitted that he wasn't happy and that you guys needed to talk. You two have stayed together in an attempt to resolve the issues, but it seems that now he is acting passive and soon he will let your relationship fall apart. Before anyone else continues to get more hurt, I advice you talk to your partner about ending your relationship.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I am new here but I really needed like minded people to talk to. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Things were great up until 5 months ago when my boyfriend admitted that he wasn't happy. He said that there were some issues with our relationship that he needed to talk about. We spoke and made some agreements one of them was that he wished we would go out and be social more so I tried and things were fine for a while. We were due to go on holiday and a week before he announces he's not happy he doesn't think we want the same things amongst various other problems. After an hour or shouting and me crying I left and he texted me and admitted that he's been stressed out and he doesn't know why he takes it out on us and that he is sorry. We went on holiday and everything was perfect. We came home and was still really close then he went back to work and went out with work friends I had had a bad day and was really down and was a bit grumpy and he kept thinking it was something he'd done but it wasn't then he said that he felt like he couldn't go out and have fun without feeling bad but I never stopped him or made him feel bad. Then after a couple of days he comes out with all the same stuff again and says that he thinks nothing will change and we're wasting each other's time he said he wants some space and doesn't want any drama and needs time alone. After more shouting and crying I've left him alone it's been 3 days since I've spoken to him and I am up and down. I tried to tell him the last time I spoke to him that things would be different and he hadn't given it a chance to work out but I've been thinking loads and I really want this to work out and I know how I can fix it but hes so stubborn and stressed out he can't see that we're good. People keep telling me that maybe he's just not that into me and maybe he's just too young for me (he's 22 and I'm 30) and that maybe he doesn't want to ruin his 20's being with someone older but he always says he doesn't see me as older and he's previously been in long term relationships so he's not scared of them and the week before when we were on holiday we was talking about us moving out and planning our next holiday. I'm losing hope the longer he doesn't contact me how can he change in a matter of days? Sorry for the essay I just feel so alone and can't talk openly to my friends It's not really a matter of days though. There have been warning signs for the past five months, he told you he wasn't happy. You tried to fix it, things were fine for awhile, you even had some great times, but obviously there were still problems there for him. You just really need to give him some space to think this out. But whether he comes back or not, you need to realise that he isn't sure about you and hasn't been since the year mark. This is definitely not out of the blue.
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