phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I had a bf who pressured me to have sex on the frist date. Turns out, he liked sex too much. Cheated all the time. Food for thought. I know plenty of people who slept together on the first date, got married & at least 10yrs later are still happily married. Your one example does not make the rule.
Carenth Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) I'm a guy and I may be an oddity but I actually do not like having sex with someone I don't know. To me it is pointless, I only enjoy sex when I care about the other person. So this has never really been an issue for me. I have found more often than not the women I have dated and had relationships with have really appreciated that I did not pressure them to have sex quickly. By all means I'm not talking for huge amounts of time. Enough time to get to know each other though. Some guys seem to think that if a women isn't putting out after the first few dates then she must have some nefarious reason for it. Most cases I have found this not to be the case, they are the same as me, they want to get to know me first before they are comfortable. To answer your initial question, no it is not a good idea to date someone who has it just as a "rule" and no other reason. However I think you will find for many women it is the reason I described above. Basically it comes down to each person and what they want. If you want to sleep with people who put out right away, then do so. Some people are not comfortable with this though. So don't date them then because they are incompatible with what you expect. Edited October 20, 2013 by Carenth 4
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Is it wise to get into a relationship with a woman that makes you wait a long time to have sex while dating. Assuming this is her rule, not a cooperative rule, religious, or health issue; and "a long time" is relative to the couple in question. I'm questioning if a woman's sex drive, or attraction to you is so low that she can go extreme stretches of time without a desire for your intimate company, then is that wise relationship to get into? As I said in your last thread, this is fine as long as you believe that she isn't making you wait while sleeping with someone else on the side ETA: She looks at you as the potential boyfriend while she gets her kicks with someone less "boyfriend material". Most women do this so there's a good chance that your woman is too. Is she worth all of this? That's up to you, my friend.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Off-course it is relative. A period of time he isn't comfortable with ... that can mean a lot of things. What bothers guys is not the waiting [we are talking normal decent guys], but the fact that you are taken for a ride while waiting, for a chump. Why should i wait when in the past you slept with tons of guys early on ? Why should i wait for you to be 'comfortable' when it's just some bull**** game of you wanting me to become insanely assertive. I will wait, provided that i see improvement in our intimacy, and we may do other sexual things. It also is paramount that we go great together and we have something to talk. And i will wait if it's for religious reasons, provided that we do something sexual in the meantime. I see this question in the thread, but it's aimed just at men and it seems to me after reading this thread that it's selfish. Afterall, a relationship is about 'us' and not 'me'. And in a relationship there will be compromise. So, why should i follow her timetable instead of our timetable ? This too. This is something I've heard many times from reformed sl*ts that are now "looking for something serious".
StanMusial Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 The question doesn't become invalid just because you have never read one. Deflection is a common tactic for not answering the question. You are deflecting by claiming to never read an advice column, and you are deflecting by answering "when the timing is about right" instead of answering the question of when the timing is not right. Did I say the question was invalid? No. And maybe you thought I was trying to "deflect" the question, but I wasn't. I was sharing my personal experience with the matter. That's what I do on here. I'm not one of the many posters that just throw around internet conjecture based on some blog or some other shiet that they read. My advice to you is, if the girl is making you wait because she just isn't that attracted to you, or she is trying to manipulate you somehow, don't stick around. Because that sounds miserable to me.
todreaminblue Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) even if ti werent religious or other reasons waiting is a good thing.......dotn really care if they dotn want to wait....it isnt their choice and if they dont respect then that is when they pressure you...so if that is the case they they can be with someome who suits them more and not me....i have an extremely healthy sex drive........when i am attracted to someone the only real time it kicks in and it goes pretty wild........ doesnt mean i go ahead with what i feel,ill still wait....in fact my ex told me he thinks i am extremely frustrated because i have been grumpy from no sex, truth is he just pisses me off he feels i should go out and get a root thats my problem.....how attractive a concept rooting is....same as rutting.....i have been celibate for many years now....rooting and rutting yeah not attractive... he doesnt beleive in celibacy, really he thinks that its a joke me being celibate...told him i am waiting till i marry this time....he burst out laughing.....because i enjoy sex...and because guys dont wait anymore... i think its beautiful when its right, he said how can you be celibate when you knwo how beautiful havign sex is( sex is the word he used not makign love)..i am actually under quite a bit of pressure to lose my celibacy...have been for a while about six months from different sources including friends..........i wont give in ...because obviously......its my choice not to...deb Edited October 20, 2013 by todreaminblue 2
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 So can we concluded that the length of time one waits for sex has no bearing on the success of the relationship? They dont even make it past the first date. Guy gets what he wants and leaves. So there's no relationship, period. I guess you could say that shortens the relationship, no?
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I know plenty of people who slept together on the first date, got married & at least 10yrs later are still happily married. Your one example does not make the rule. Your examples still dont prove the rule. Most of the time when a man is pushing for sex he is just trying to get the sex and doesn't care about the relationship. He will get the sex and bail. I had a relationship with that man for 3 years despite sleeping on the first date. I wouldnt recommend women expect that because most men will leave after they screw. I would tell women not to sleep with a man too soon unless she is fine with the hump'n'dump. That's coming from about 10 years of dealing with men. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If it is more than three or four dates with no sex then you need to consider that the woman has a FWB that she gets regular satisfaction from. Not only that, while your waiting, envision that woman having down and dirty sex with that FWB and realize that while she may have sex with you, she'll be all conservative with you. (Forget about getting oral, or anal, or exciting positions). 1
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If it is more than three or four dates with no sex then you need to consider that the woman has a FWB that she gets regular satisfaction from. Not only that, while your waiting, envision that woman having down and dirty sex with that FWB and realize that while she may have sex with you, she'll be all conservative with you. (Forget about getting oral, or anal, or exciting positions). Whaaaat? I dated a guy for about 10 months. We didn't have sex the first 2 or 3 months. I didnt have nor did I want anything on the side. I dont need sex. I cant go without it. So can plenty of women. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Whaaaat? I dated a guy for about 10 months. We didn't have sex the first 2 or 3 months. I didnt have nor did I want anything on the side. I dont need sex. I cant go without it. So can plenty of women. I know from a womans POV that advice sounds awful. This is advice for a man to look out for his best interest. There are women who do the above things and a young man needs to be aware of them. http://michiganlegalhelp.org/self-help-tools/family/non-marital-children-born-during-marriage 1
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Your examples still dont prove the rule. Most of the time when a man is pushing for sex he is just trying to get the sex and doesn't care about the relationship. He will get the sex and bail. I had a relationship with that man for 3 years despite sleeping on the first date. I wouldnt recommend women expect that because most men will leave after they screw. I would tell women not to sleep with a man too soon unless she is fine with the hump'n'dump. That's coming from about 10 years of dealing with men. LOL! Did I say it did? No. I just said your one experience doesn't make the rule like you made it out to be & gave examples why. but notice how you still seem to want to insist men just want sex. Issues.... However, you are an example of a woman who picks the wrong guys to date then decides all men are like that. Because let's be honest here, if the majority of men are the way you claim how is it people end up in relationships that last yrs? It's been my experience that women with your viewpoint ignore, reject, & friendzone men who would actually date you & not leave after they get laid.
lollipopspot Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If it is more than three or four dates with no sex then you need to consider that the woman has a FWB that she gets regular satisfaction from. Not only that, while your waiting, envision that woman having down and dirty sex with that FWB and realize that while she may have sex with you, she'll be all conservative with you. (Forget about getting oral, or anal, or exciting positions). You should go on Craigslist. There are a lot of guys who would love to do anal with you anytime for free.
ponchsox Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Guys want sex because they are attracted to a woman. Women get turned on sexually by someone who is a man, acts like a man, is clean, is thoughtful, and knows how to speak to a woman.
salparadise Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Would you rather have a woman who chose carefully who she had sex with, or one who just went with her "desires" and slept with whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted? The former of course, but with her desire for me being so overwhelming that she just can't stand it one more minute and succumbs. I'm surprised you didn't know that! 1
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 LOL! Did I say it did? No. I just said your one experience doesn't make the rule like you made it out to be & gave examples why. but notice how you still seem to want to insist men just want sex. Issues.... However, you are an example of a woman who picks the wrong guys to date then decides all men are like that. Since you didn't like that one, here's another. I had a coworker who got sexual with her man very fast. He was also a cheater. They were together about 10 years. He beat her and cheated on her. I dont think men want only sex, but most of the time when a man comes at a woman sexually especially very soon, it's a usually a hump'n'dump situation. Because let's be honest here, if the majority of men are the way you claim how is it people end up in relationships that last yrs? Because he went on to someone who didn't have sex with him too fast ie wifey material. This isn't anything controversial. I've been to multiple male dominated sites, and most guys talk about "sluts" vs "wife material." It's been my experience that women with your viewpoint ignore, reject, & friendzone men who would actually date you & not leave after they get laid. lolz I take it you didn't bother to read my posts, not even the ones in this thread. I just said in this thread------>Whaaaat? I dated a guy for about 10 months. We didn't have sex the first 2 or 3 months. I didnt have nor did I want anything on the side. Obviously, i can meet guys who dont want to hump n dump. They dont end up in the friendzone with me, but nice try.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 You should go on Craigslist. There are a lot of guys who would love to do anal with you anytime for free. The point is that lots of women will date guys and make them wait, all the while doing nasty things with their FWB that they would never do with a boyfriend. "What kind of girl will he think I am"... and so forth.
ls32ssibm Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I had a bf who pressured me to have sex on the frist date. Turns out, he liked sex too much. Cheated all the time. Food for thought. If you can't figure out a guy is a jerk by him pressuring you to have sex on the first date, that's your prerogative. My posting was apples, and yours was oranges.
salparadise Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Most of the time when a man is pushing for sex he is just trying to get the sex and doesn't care about the relationship. He will get the sex and bail. Nah, not true. Generalities generally don't hold water. Men want sex. Some men want relationships. Some men don't. Men who do want relationships want it to include sex, and they want both good sex and a good relationship. If you're seeing a consistent pattern of men hitting and quitting, either you're choosing the wrong men or your skills need upgrading.
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If you can't figure out a guy is a jerk by him pressuring you to have sex on the first date, that's your prerogative. My posting was apples, and yours was oranges. I was 20. I bet if she had had sex with you early on, she would have been a slut. If not, congratulations for being a progressive man. Waiting two months doesn't mean a woman doesn't like sex, btw.
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Nah, not true. Generalities generally don't hold water. Men want sex. Some men want relationships. Some men don't. Men who do want relationships want it to include sex, and they want both good sex and a good relationship. If you're seeing a consistent pattern of men hitting and quitting, either you're choosing the wrong men or your skills need upgrading. Oh, it's definitely true. The faster they push the worse it is. They dont want to give the woman time to think because she might say no. Btdt. But I wouldn't deal with it nowadays. I'd just give him my half for the date and move on. Generalities do hold water. They may not be true every single time, but there is usually a reason why they exist. Like others have said, women can't win at this. Trust me, I know men want sex. But there are other things that go into a relationship, like getting to know each other and not rushing things. Still not reading what I wrote. I just said---->Whaaaat? I dated a guy for about 10 months. We didn't have sex the first 2 or 3 months. I didnt have nor did I want anything on the side. Obviously, I can meet guys who dont want to hit it and quit it. The trick is not to give men who push for sex early on. Which is most men.
ls32ssibm Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I was 20. I bet if she had had sex with you early on, she would have been a slut. If not, congratulations for being a progressive man. Waiting two months doesn't mean a woman doesn't like sex, btw. I clearly implied in my post that she didn't like sex even after that point, which she didn't. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. But you can't be miles behind a man's libido and expect him to stick around, because he won't. That's biology. The same biology that makes women attracted to multiple types of men over their cycles, if you are thinking men are the pigs hard-wired to cheat.
hotpotato Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I clearly implied in my post that she didn't like sex even after that point, which she didn't. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. But you can't be miles behind a man's libido and expect him to stick around, because he won't. The same biology that makes women attracted to multiple types of men over their cycles, . If you want someone who has the same sex drive as you, try dating another man. Women in general dont have the same sex drive as men, especially if we are talking about men in their early 20s. That's biology. Hmm that doesn't exactly make men sound good. if you are thinking men are the pigs hard-wired to cheat You said it, not me. Men aren't hard wired to cheat, yet they are still ruled by their biology which tells them to get lots of sex. Gotcha.
phineas Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) Since you didn't like that one, here's another. I had a coworker who got sexual with her man very fast. He was also a cheater. They were together about 10 years. He beat her and cheated on her. I dont think men want only sex, but most of the time when a man comes at a woman sexually especially very soon, it's a usually a hump'n'dump situation. Because he went on to someone who didn't have sex with him too fast ie wifey material. This isn't anything controversial. I've been to multiple male dominated sites, and most guys talk about "sluts" vs "wife material." lolz I take it you didn't bother to read my posts, not even the ones in this thread. I just said in this thread------> Obviously, i can meet guys who dont want to hump n dump. They dont end up in the friendzone with me, but nice try. So in summary. Your one off experiences = the way things are the world over. Except, when you contradict yourself and say men do wait for sex with women they feel the woman is of high quality. Edited October 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off-topic editorial comment redacted
ls32ssibm Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Men also don't like women who hate men. So good luck with that. 2
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