Kofybean Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Is it wise to get into a relationship with a woman that makes you wait a long time to have sex while dating. Assuming this is her rule, not a cooperative rule, religious, or health issue; and "a long time" is relative to the couple in question. I'm questioning if a woman's sex drive, or attraction to you is so low that she can go extreme stretches of time without a desire for your intimate company, then is that wise relationship to get into?
carhill Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 IMO, sexual style and sexual attraction are separate and discrete dynamics. I think it's wise to date someone one is compatible with, and that includes sexual style. 1
Radu Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Define long time, what period did you have in mind ? 1
StanMusial Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Is it wise to get into a relationship with a woman that makes you wait a long time to have sex while dating. Assuming this is her rule, not a cooperative rule, religious, or health issue; and "a long time" is relative to the couple in question. I'm questioning if a woman's sex drive, or attraction to you is so low that she can go extreme stretches of time without a desire for your intimate company, then is that wise relationship to get into? I would wonder if she had some sort of nefarious reason, barring the reasons given above.
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Define long time, what period did you have in mind ? A long time is a time period he isn't comfortable with. Meaning their desire for intimacy isn't matching or his desire for intimacy is not fulfilled. It is relative because the question wants to know how wise of a relationship is it to get into if she can withhold herself from any intimacy for an indefinite period of time.
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 I would wonder if she had some sort of nefarious reason, barring the reasons given above. Dating sites and advice columns tell women to do this all the time.
Criticality Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Weeks yes. Months? Maybe. Years? Nope. Women's magazines and columnists have an inherent interest in their readers having frustrating love lives, to keep coming back for things to fix.
Mascara Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 This whole question is a perfect example of how women just can't win. OP, women don't wait because they don't desire you. We're just not slave to our desires - are you saying men are? I'm pretty sure that's not true. We ignore our desire for a man if ..... the time isn't right.... to make sure he is the right man for us.....because we want to get to know him better first.... because we're not sure if he wants a relationship. It has nothing to do with lacking desire. Would you rather have a woman who chose carefully who she had sex with, or one who just went with her "desires" and slept with whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted? 8
Radu Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 A long time is a time period he isn't comfortable with. Meaning their desire for intimacy isn't matching or his desire for intimacy is not fulfilled. It is relative because the question wants to know how wise of a relationship is it to get into if she can withhold herself from any intimacy for an indefinite period of time. Off-course it is relative. A period of time he isn't comfortable with ... that can mean a lot of things. What bothers guys is not the waiting [we are talking normal decent guys], but the fact that you are taken for a ride while waiting, for a chump. Why should i wait when in the past you slept with tons of guys early on ? Why should i wait for you to be 'comfortable' when it's just some bull**** game of you wanting me to become insanely assertive. I will wait, provided that i see improvement in our intimacy, and we may do other sexual things. It also is paramount that we go great together and we have something to talk. And i will wait if it's for religious reasons, provided that we do something sexual in the meantime. I see this question in the thread, but it's aimed just at men and it seems to me after reading this thread that it's selfish. Afterall, a relationship is about 'us' and not 'me'. And in a relationship there will be compromise. So, why should i follow her timetable instead of our timetable ? 1
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 A long time is a time period he isn't comfortable with. Meaning their desire for intimacy isn't matching or his desire for intimacy is not fulfilled. It is relative because the question wants to know how wise of a relationship is it to get into if she can withhold herself from any intimacy for an indefinite period of time. For most men, they will have sex at the end of the date. Waiting an entire 2 hours is too long. If girls have sex as fast as the man does shes a slut and not long term material. I dont have the sex drive of most men, so naturally, if i'm dating a man with desire for sex will not match.
EasyHeart Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It depends on whether she makes every guy wait or if she just makes you wait. I think that women postponing sex for a few month while they get to know a man and determine his intentions is a very good idea. But if she makes some men wait for sex while screwing other guys, that's just sick and twisted. 2
StanMusial Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) Dating sites and advice columns tell women to do this all the time. I never read advice columns, and this is the only dating advice forum I even know about. I don't really see much advice here to women about not putting out. In my experience, its never been a problem. The timing is usually about right. If she doesn't want to get it on for some reason then it's not really my style to pressure. If it went on for six months or so, and we were getting along otherwise I would definitely question it. Edited October 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Editorial comment redacted
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It depends on whether she makes every guy wait or if she just makes you wait. I think that women postponing sex for a few month while they get to know a man and determine his intentions is a very good idea. But if she makes some men wait for sex while screwing other guys, that's just sick and twisted. What if she's not screwing other guys? Or what if he is screwing other girls? 1
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Relationships are safer than sex. Sex is evil. Women are shinning examples of self control. Right. Question still remains. I don't know any study that proves length of time to have sex equals a good long term relationship. So your points are complete conjecture. This whole question is a perfect example of how women just can't win. OP, women don't wait because they don't desire you. We're just not slave to our desires - are you saying men are? I'm pretty sure that's not true. We ignore our desire for a man if ..... the time isn't right.... to make sure he is the right man for us.....because we want to get to know him better first.... because we're not sure if he wants a relationship. It has nothing to do with lacking desire. Would you rather have a woman who chose carefully who she had sex with, or one who just went with her "desires" and slept with whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted?
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 The question doesn't become invalid just because you have never read one. Deflection is a common tactic for not answering the question. You are deflecting by claiming to never read an advice column, and you are deflecting by answering "when the timing is about right" instead of answering the question of when the timing is not right. I never read advice columns, and this is the only dating advice forum I even know about. I don't really see much advice here to women about not putting out. In my experience, its never been a problem. The timing is usually about right. If she doesn't want to get it on for some reason then it's not really my style to pressure. If it went on for six months or so, and we were getting along otherwise I would definitely question it.
ls32ssibm Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Had a girlfriend that made me wait 2 months for sex. Turns out, she didn't like sex all that much. It was torture, and it ended. Food for thought. 3
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 The question is not from a woman's point of view so I really don't expect you to get it. Somehow avoiding sex is for your protection to secure a relationship? Right, but from a man's point is entering a relationship with a woman who uses abstinence to get what she wants from him. Failed relationships can destroy everything in a man, more so than simple sex with a condom. From family, to health, to finances. Relationships can be far more destructive than sex. Yet you speak of it as inherently good, and the angelic gatekeeper for evil sex. So I suggest you prove relationships are safe, and are thereby obvious gatekeepers. Or prove that length of time till sex equals better relationships for me to follow your reasoning. This whole question is a perfect example of how women just can't win. OP, women don't wait because they don't desire you. We're just not slave to our desires - are you saying men are? I'm pretty sure that's not true. We ignore our desire for a man if ..... the time isn't right.... to make sure he is the right man for us.....because we want to get to know him better first.... because we're not sure if he wants a relationship. It has nothing to do with lacking desire. Would you rather have a woman who chose carefully who she had sex with, or one who just went with her "desires" and slept with whoever she wanted, whenever she wanted? 2
Mascara Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Relationships are safer than sex. Sex is evil. Women are shinning examples of self control. Right. Question still remains. I don't know any study that proves length of time to have sex equals a good long term relationship. So your points are complete conjecture. I don't wait to have sex to ensure a good long term relationship. I wait because I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone I don't know fairly well. Other women have other reasons. I'm not sure why this is an issue for you? There are plenty of women, I'm sure, who are willing to sleep with you on the first date (or however soon it is that you want it) As in all things, why not just avoid the women that prefer to limit their sexual partners?
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I don't answer to a woman I'm not sleeping with. Period. Which means until she is sleeping with me I consider myself single to do what I want with whomever I want and it's none of her damn business. Funnily enough the only women whom I've had to explain this to are the ones who attempted to lead me on, try to check up on me daily to see where I am and what i'm doing & with who, expected me to treat them like we were in a relationship before we actually were in a relationship, and women who have issues due to their past poor choices in men and live in fear that every man just wants to use them for sex. So i'm really not too cut up if they go their own way. Except they don't just simply go off into the night. They feel the need to rage at me first which makes me LOL since all I did was basically refuse to be their boyfriend without benefits. The other thing is on the very few occasions I waited months for sex, once I got it, they rationed it out. Again, reeks of issues. I prefer to date women who like to have sex sooner than later & every time I see them. There are more of them out there anyways. 2
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 I don't wait to have sex to ensure a good long term relationship. I wait because I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone I don't know fairly well. Other women have other reasons. I'm not sure why this is an issue for you? There are plenty of women, I'm sure, who are willing to sleep with you on the first date (or however soon it is that you want it) As in all things, why not just avoid the women that prefer to limit their sexual partners? Now you are asking virtually the same question I am. I don't plan on attacking your personal views, mainly cuz it changes the argument. Not sleeping with someone because you aren't comfortable, to me, isn't the same as not sleeping with someone because you are making them wait a standard probationary period. May I rephrase the question in a rhetorical fashion? Women: Is it wise to date someone who makes you cook and clean? I'm sure I can list pages of reasons why screening for women who follow through when they are made to cook and clean can benefit a long term relationship. And I'm sure many men will be all too happy to spew anecdotal evidence attesting to making a woman cook and clean is the right thing to do. Is that really a relationship dynamic women should bow too? No one gets hurt if she is cooking and cleaning, right? Question can, of course, be ignored, but the premise that anyone being "made to do anything" is not a healthy relationship dynamic can not.
Mascara Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Now you are asking virtually the same question I am. I don't plan on attacking your personal views, mainly cuz it changes the argument. Not sleeping with someone because you aren't comfortable, to me, isn't the same as not sleeping with someone because you are making them wait a standard probationary period. May I rephrase the question in a rhetorical fashion? Women: Is it wise to date someone who makes you cook and clean? I'm sure I can list pages of reasons why screening for women who follow through when they are made to cook and clean can benefit a long term relationship. And I'm sure many men will be all too happy to spew anecdotal evidence attesting to making a woman cook and clean is the right thing to do. Is that really a relationship dynamic women should bow too? No one gets hurt if she is cooking and cleaning, right? Question can, of course, be ignored, but the premise that anyone being "made to do anything" is not a healthy relationship dynamic can not. I like you better when you're making a well thought out response such as this, as opposed to somewhat inflammatory one liners. We're just going to have to agree to disagree though
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Relationships are safer than sex. Sex is evil. Women are shinning examples of self control. Right. Question still remains. I don't know any study that proves length of time to have sex equals a good long term relationship. So your points are complete conjecture. It won't even get to the point of the relationship because usually the man will leave. Having sex too early can kill a relationship. If it doesnt, the relationship goes on a different path and it's harder to get to know each other. For example, man has a hard time not having sex after he gets it. Woman wants to talk. He just wants to rip her clothes off now that he has had a taste...Women come on here complaining of this scenario. Plus, most guys will assume a girl who has sex early is a slut. Sluts are not marriage material. Men would need to hold up their end of the bargain and stop slutshaming or putting women who are quick to sleep with someone in the category of "not marriage material." Guys say they want a woman who likes sex.What they really mean is they want a woman who likes sex with them but isn't promiscuous. Promiscuous women are more likely to cheat (but men are not), or so the legend goes. I'm a female who stays away from both relationships and sex, btw.
hotpotato Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Had a girlfriend that made me wait 2 months for sex. Turns out, she didn't like sex all that much. It was torture, and it ended. Food for thought. I had a bf who pressured me to have sex on the frist date. Turns out, he liked sex too much. Cheated all the time. Food for thought. 2
xxoo Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Waiting is a good idea for both men and women. It should be obvious if sexual attraction is there or not. You can tell a lot from a steamy kiss and embrace, let alone how a person prioritizes you in their life. If she seems ambivalent about sex, then she probably is. 2
Author Kofybean Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 I had a bf who pressured me to have sex on the frist date. Turns out, he liked sex too much. Cheated all the time. Food for thought. So can we concluded that the length of time one waits for sex has no bearing on the success of the relationship?
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