mtnbiker3000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 As a dumper (in the past), I concur with your approach and also the comments from mtnbiker3000, although I tend to notice some of the percentages thrown into mtnbiker’s comments appear fabricated rather than statistical but no big deal, I get the point. LOL!!!! Merely provided for entertainment value only. I claim no actual statistical relevance!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 This is quite the assumption. If you haven't yet been a dumper this is a pretty far reaching assumption. Well, of course I have been a dumper as well. Assumptions? Maybe. Really just speaking from personal experience. Problem is, none of us really know what our SO's were truly thinking. So, in reality, it's impossible to draw accurate conclusions. Assumptions is all we have... The relationship eroded over time due to outside forces, and outside people who had a heavy hand and who really interfered in our relationship and caused a lot of problems and drama between us. If those things never would have happened, we would have definitely still been together. You know I respect you, but I have to call BS here. Nothing, I repeat nothing would keep someone from being with you if it was what they really wanted. If outside factors could tear you apart, then I must question how strong your RS was to your SO as time went on, especially after the HS?? Same story for most of us, I think... Also, just because someone doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, and they decide to leave, doesn't make them lazy and weak. Agreed. These things are not simple. They are complex and confusing at best.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Firstly, KatZee, thank you for answering my other question. Some dumpees, such as myself, feel like they never received the kind of honest and open feedback you tried to provide to your ex. Maybe we did and were simply too oblivious to pick up on it...who knows? In my case, my ex left because that romantic "spark" began to fade during a stressful time. We supported each other through some hectic changes in our professional lives (hers changing the most dramatically, as her career exploded), but she never told me anything felt wrong...until the day of doom. She even admitted to pretending that everything was okay, but that it felt wrong to not have that excited "butterflies in her tummy" feeling anymore. I was told I did nothing wrong, and that she had hid this from me for a month because the relationship "should have been perfect". She didn't even know if breaking up was the right call - she thought it was "for the best", but had expected to "feel" that it was a mistake if she had made the wrong choice. I bolded part of what you said because I feel like you provided an important distinction...a person SHOULD know, but I feel like that's not the case as often as we'd like. Browsing these boards, I see a lot of dumpers leaving because of doubts and "feeling like something is missing" (losing that initial "in love" excitement). "Knowing" doesn't seem to be the case, more often than not. And I contest that, unless you communicate and TRY (which, kudos to you for doing!) they never will know for sure. There is nothing certain, even down deep, about leaving someone because of assumptions on whether a particular set of circumstances or feelings will stay or change. You may have been strong and upfront, but those who do not communicate their needs or reveal their unhappiness in an attempt to fix it before taking the "easy way out" (leaving)...well, that unwillingness to be open and honest with a significant other is a form of weakness in my eyes. The breakup may be inevitable and staying in a relationship is by no means an obligation...but partners DO owe each other the benefit of respectful and timely communication. However, there is definitely a dumpees' bias on these boards, so take my observations with a grain of salt. Agree with this post!!! And, as I stated earlier in this thread, I really believe most people do not posses the strength and courage to have such a conversation. Much easier to do what is seen time and time again on this forum and in life. Prepare in secrecy and leave your partner hanging.
Author haggard969 Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 wow thanks everyone for your posts. i have a good feeling that most of you are right. im wondering if the way that seems the cruelest n meanest to dump someone might be the easiest way. and also yes my gf up to the very last day told me that she loved me so much n that i was all she ever wanted so i guess she was making me plan B or giving me false hope. she said she just needed time so i gave her time. well until 2 days later my friend sent me a screen shot of her fb page n i saw the pic of her n him. it crushed me. there was alot said between me n her. not really arguing just confusion. but she had no emotion or care just said im sorry im with him now. so yah. i fought n told her i didnt want this. but the thing that is stupid. not only her telling me im alls she ever wanted the last day i saw her. but on text she said she felt sorry for him because his gf left him n his family deserted him. n his gf took all his friends n now hes alone. n thats exactly what she is doing to me lol . my gf talked to him about me n he morphed his personality to fill in my flaws. yah im not perfect but i was a damb good bf n a man to her n our daughters n if she is gonna throw me n my kid away. drop her kid off at her baby daddys house. n run away with some guy she just met. then so be it. at least i know my daughter will have a good life. i feel bad for my step daughter. her dad is a hood rat. but since she isnot blood its beyond my controll. if she ever does come back and admit her mistake ill be great full. its like she threw her responsibilities out the window aswell. but i will never take her back. ill just show her the life she could of had. thanks everyone. any questions for me just ask
BrightHope Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Am4Real, You may have hit on something here. It is similar to where I was heading with my thought process, but I admit to being a little muddled in my approach. I agree that it does seem like the OP, like many on these boards (including myself), received loving sentiments right until the end. I'm sure those if us that received words of love and commitment until the end represent the "out of the blue" dumpee crowd. When no communication or indication is given, it's a double hurt for the dumpee...abandonment AND confusion. Now, I'm making an assumption here that maybe the dumpers in the thread can clarify, but is it possible that these sentiments are repeated until the end because the dumper WANTS them? Even if the dumper sees no future in the relationship, I'm guessing that wouldn't stop them from necessarily loving their partner and wanting to be with them, even if it "just wasn't working", right? I appreciated your thoughtful comments, Pfenixfire....relevant to the OP and my situation too! And thats what we are all here for. Thanks!
ColdAlone Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I don't leave out of the blue, and I never give up on someone without good reason. Reasons I 'left' : having someone else, having feelings for ex-bf, having a mental illness. My last gf was needy and clingy, I didn't mind it one bit. It just left very little room for me to express my own feelings, and that's exactly what she stumbled over.... I'm very easy going, so I never made an issue out of anything....
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