Fugee Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 need ppl's input on this. i was having a discussion with my sister about her wanting to break up with her BF. she asked me if i like him and is asking other ppl they're take on him. i told her i don't care about him, and she should break up. but then i just realized thats what happened with my situation, and it's not really fair. me and my ex got into a fight, and she went on to talk to her friends about me, and they said they aren't fond of me and kept talking smack about how i wouldn't make them laugh or whatever. it wasn't fair because i'm not trying to make them happy, all that matters is that my GF was happy. so who agrees that being influenced by others to break up is wrong, and its the partners decision only... thanks.
Criticality Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 It can an important consideration, but not a vital one. Unless you're in one of those sick, symbiotic relationships, where you don't spend any time with other people, its not an unreasonable expectation, that your partner has to interact with, and spend time with your friends. So if they like him, that's only a plus. And your partner might become your husband, in which case he becomes the family. So while it shouldn't be the most important consideration, you wouldn't want a husband that the rest of the family can't stand.
Criticality Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 And hey: its a lot easier to get a new boyfriend, rather than swap out all of your friends and family.
JDPT Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 And how are you certain that this is what occurred? And why are you trying to look for answers?Let it be 1
Author Fugee Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 well, i'm not that kind of ******* bf that no one likes. me and my ex got into a fight, and we had to hang out with her friends, so i became emotionally unavailable. the worst i can say i was, is that i was passive, and kept my emotions hidden from them and just kept to myself.
Author Fugee Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 And how are you certain that this is what occurred? And why are you trying to look for answers?Let it be because this my ex told me in person, "i just got done having a talk with (her friend) and i think we should break up." like we were trying to make it work and she was willing to, but after talking to ppl, she has a change of heart. i just need the peace of mind, knowing it was wrong.. and need ppls thoughts if it is.
JDPT Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 If that's the case she was never good to begin with. A relationship is between two people, she clearly has no backbone. 6
crazybestie101 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 because this my ex told me in person, "i just got done having a talk with (her friend) and i think we should break up." like we were trying to make it work and she was willing to, but after talking to ppl, she has a change of heart. i just need the peace of mind, knowing it was wrong.. and need ppls thoughts if it is. Your situation somewhat matches mine. I can understand women can get into their girlfriend words and do such things but guys ?? my ex did same thing , while he was on trip with his guys friend, he was brainwashed by them , they told him you just graduated from college , have nice paying job just enjoy single life , meet lot of girls and have fun , you are too young for commitment. That partly changed my ex from sweet and caring person to distant, rude, careless. Its kind of very hard for me and people around me to believe he could do such things . But thats what is real now ..
NoMoreJerks Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I love how people blame their ex's girlfriends/friends over a break-up that SHE decided on.... wait, WHAT? Unless she was FORCED by her friends (somehow) to break up with you, I don't see why/how that even matters, even if they expressed their (negative) opinion about you. She wanted out -- she was just looking for validation from her friends and got it -- and now she is sorta using that to justify her behavior ("my friends agree" sort of logic), based on the wording that you are so hung up on (her telling you that she just talked with her friends and decided that she should break up with you). 1
barky2 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 People who are easy influenced by friends and family have zero backbone and make for a horrible partner. They are also the type to pickup the phone and call their friends or family every time you fight and bash you,that way you look horrible in their eyes and when it's time for the breakup,they have cheerleaders to coach them through it. Funny part. Most of the time it catches up with them, friends and family don't want to hear it anymore and now they are wondering why they broke up ect. Seen it a million times. Moral of the story? That's a huge red flag. Big enough to head for the hills. Barky 4
Ireallydontknow Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemplating-divorce/201007/is-divorce-contagious-what-study-doesnt-tell-us Friends can play a HUGE part of their influence. When I was working on stuff with my ex, one phone call with her mother she was ready to not work on stuff anymore. We somehow went back to working on stuff. In fact while she was cheating on me she told none of her friends. Because they wouldn't of approved of it. She claimed they are "biased." I bet now she has told them all sorts of stories, "He was mean, didn't respect me, etc, etc." So yeah friends and family can be an impact.
travelonic Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) Life isn't fair, brah. Get used to it. Many unfair things to happen in the future. Doesn't mean people have to like it, and in cases where one can do something about it/are reasonable in doing something about it, even if it's venting, they shouldn't. Not saying you're saying it, but people nowadays throw around "life is unfair" as a synonym for "bad thing happen, take it and don't bitch," which is quite uneducated and annoying [and makes it hard to hear people who use the line not in that manner.[ I love how people blame their ex's girlfriends/friends over a break-up that SHE decided on.... wait, WHAT?. Likewise, I love how people think that it being her decision automatically negates influences that may have played a role, and act like they don't exist. Peer pressure can be a strong influence, believe it or not, and sure, blaming the ex's friends and the ilk **needlessly** is not a good call, but neither is ignoring when they at least play a role. Edited October 19, 2013 by travelonic 1
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 ultimately it is not friends and family who have to live with your other half.....you do....so if my experience being pressured into breaking up with someone without just cause like abuse physical or verbal and that being a constant in the relationship is something you take with a grain of salt....and you make yoru own choices.....i have learned to keep discussions betweeen partners........and not involve others who only hear one side....if you need to talk you seek a neautral ..... a therapist preferrabel who wotn make judgements that is the only way good advice works if no jdugements are made on character and more on the situation or argument that is progressive...i have tried to enforce partners leave their bfs....i didnt do it on character ..i give advice on physical brusing and balck eyes and or kids being involved in domestic horror...i also put them in touch with apprpriate authorties and or shelters.......deb 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 There wasn't a gun to her head. She had free will in there too. Don't rehash. Keep moving forward. 2
Salvatore85 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If you think it's bad when her friends don't like you, try having her mother hate you for no reason lol 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Unfortunately some people dont have confidence in their own decisions and look to others to justify them. She probably had doubts about the relationship and then looked to others to see if they agreed. Personally i think the only person who should make this decision is the person in the relationship as no one else really knows what goes on between two people in private. In saying that sounds like you are better off without them. Do you really want to be with someone who lets others have that much influence over their lives that they make big decisions like that based on what others say. I know I wouldnt.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Likewise, I love how people think that it being her decision automatically negates influences that may have played a role, and act like they don't exist. Peer pressure can be a strong influence, believe it or not, and sure, blaming the ex's friends and the ilk **needlessly** is not a good call, but neither is ignoring when they at least play a role. Peer pressure plays no role, unless you want it to. My friends all stopped talking to me because I was refusing to break up with a guy who was abusing me. I was in love with him and refused to listen to them and was willing to lose my friends even, rather than break up with the guy I loved, even though he was abusing me. So, like I said, if you already wanted to break up, sure, friends can serve as that "tipping point" but it's not to say that if they hadn't said anything you wouldn't have broken up. If you were so unsure as to let your friends sway you in favor of a breakup, then really... things would not have worked out anyway...
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Sometimes friends, as outsiders ,see your relationship problems way clearer than you do and they help you to discuss whether it's a bad relationship and should end it. Sometimes you already see the problems and just need some confirmation and support from friends to make the decision to break up. Very rarely the friends are just crazy and hate the partner with no reason and she also has no opinions of her own at all. My point is, most cases it's not the friends fault. it's either you or her. And lots of time you wont think you have a problem, you think it's them.
Author Fugee Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 If you think it's bad when her friends don't like you, try having her mother hate you for no reason lol in fact, her mother loved me!
Author Fugee Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Sometimes friends, as outsiders ,see your relationship problems way clearer than you do and they help you to discuss whether it's a bad relationship and should end it. Sometimes you already see the problems and just need some confirmation and support from friends to make the decision to break up. Very rarely the friends are just crazy and hate the partner with no reason and she also has no opinions of her own at all. My point is, most cases it's not the friends fault. it's either you or her. And lots of time you wont think you have a problem, you think it's them. in a way, i felt her best friend was jealous of us, and felt i was taking all my gf's attention.
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 in a way, i felt her best friend was jealous of us, and felt i was taking all my gf's attention. I dont know your relationship. I dont know if you have a problem or not. But if she dumped you because you dont make her friends happy(seriously thats the reason and the only reason? I doubt it) then she was lying or she and her friend are lesbian lovers in closet.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 In all honesty, girls who are secure and confident with their relationships aren't particularly swayed by what their friends or family think. If anything, they'd work to change the minds of the friends and family, not dump the guy. So obviously she had doubts, her friends may or may not have exacerbated this, and she dumped you. Stop performing an autopsy on that relationship, its dead. Focus on yourself.
Author Fugee Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 I dont know your relationship. I dont know if you have a problem or not. But if she dumped you because you dont make her friends happy(seriously thats the reason and the only reason? I doubt it) then she was lying or she and her friend are lesbian lovers in closet. omg, i just remembered, my ex was a lesbian before -___- but, a lot of girls i know went through a "lesbian" stage.
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