Teknoe Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Theory: If a girl likes you romantically or is intrigued in the least, she will make it relatively easy for you. By that I mean she'll accept your offers to get together (whether as an official date, casual "not sure what it is" 1 on 1 hang out, or a group gathering you will be at). If she doesn't accept your offers, she will at least reach back and propose different dates to get together, or just find reasons to put herself near you. The reason I ask is because I'm trying to read this girl and do so without asking her "so how do you see me?" because that would make me look weak and bad. We work together, and seem to have a great rapport, but I've reached out to her 3x now to get together OUTSIDE of work, and she either said she was too busy or "probably not gonna make it" (without a reason). So I get the feeling she doesn't see me in that light, because if she entertained any thoughts like that AT ALL of me, surely she would have accepted or at least hit me back at a later time where she was FREE that we could hang out outside of work, right? I'm trying to walk by logic for once in my life, rather than bulldozing ahead with my projections. Ladies, please give me some insight. Thanks. 1
ConstantVoyager Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Yes, if I like a guy I either ask him out or accept his invitations. If I'm already booked for the time he suggests, I'll suggest another time. Sadly, if you've asked her out three times and she hasn't said yes, she's very probably not interested.
Author Teknoe Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 to provide more insight, it's usually me coming to her at work. I'd say 80/20. I come to her room for a quick chat. She comes to my room, but only a few times and it's been a while since she last did (early September). I usually initiate contact (well, I am the man so I understand this, but it does make me question that maybe I'm reaching out too much and need to pull in the reigns a bit now) I'm probably a little too available right now, and need to get back to a more casual/nonchalant level.
Author Teknoe Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Yes, if I like a guy I either ask him out or accept his invitations. If I'm already booked for the time he suggests, I'll suggest another time. Sadly, if you've asked her out three times and she hasn't said yes, she's very probably not interested. Thanks for sharing your insight. I agree. The only thing I am wondering now is if she thought "I want him 1 on 1, not in a group setting..." because the 3 things, OK, 4 things I invited her to were 1. helping me out in my classroom on a Saturday morning (this would have been 1 on 1, but she said she had to pick up her mom from the airport... interesting though that she didn't mention this the day before when I initially asked her if she could help out) 2. going to a baseball game with me (we both LOVE the same team so I know it wasn't a case of her not liking baseball. I proposed we catch a game via text, she said yes, then I emailed her ticket/seating information and she never replied. I never really asked her formally in person, and it just became one of those weird "yes" text responses, but no go in real life type deals...) 3. visiting a church with me and a couple friends. she is a church goer but without a home church, so i thought it might be cool for us to check one out together with a couple of my friends. i texted her the invite, but she never responded 4. asked her if she wanted to go to a small group with me and some friends on a work night. she said the day before she would be free but the day of was very non-commital and said probably not. see, 3 out of these 4 things are moreso non-dates. Only the baseball thing would have been "fun" and "datey." Is it possible she doesn't want to friend zone herself by attending events where she could be seen moreso as my friend? Is that why she has been saying no? OK, I know I'm reaching here, lol. See, I overanalyze every little thing. Maybe she's just shy? Haha, yeah, sure. I know I know. She's not interested. Time to move on and time to pull back. Oh, we did get together 1 time outside work, and that was because I visited her old home church, and met her old friends. We went out to lunch, they invited her and she came out to that.
carhill Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Theory: If a girl likes you romantically or is intrigued in the least, she will make it relatively easy for you. In any given moment, IME, yes. However, as life is comprised of billions of moments, that dynamic can change from moment to moment, often without seeming impetus. The 'like' and/or 'intrigue' can appear and disappear, as such are vagaries of emotion and constantly in flux. That's been my experience, anyway.
Author Teknoe Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Your theory applies to men as well. Oh absolutely. I know, because I have done the same exact things to female friends who I feel are hitting on me, but I am totally "meh" toward. I always get the sense they're going to ask me to "hang out" or go do something with them. So I try to be vague, steer the conversation away from such topics, or out right go "cold" on them. So I know the game. It sucks, but it is what it is. Attraction rules, and if you're attracted to someone, you'll find any time in the world to be with/around them. On the flip side, if you are not attracted to them at all, and get the sense that they are attracted TO YOU, then you will do everything NOT to meet up with them so that you don't lead them on. Guys can sense desperation too. It repels me... which is ironic considering I've had crushes where I'm sure my desperation has repelled THEM. Ah, such is the cycle of life. why is it so hard to find a mutual interest? sigh
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Most girls will come around if you're persistent enough in the right way. But, in the end, I'd advise you to just stick with the girls that make it easier for you. It's less work and more pleasant that way.
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Theory: If a girl likes you romantically or is intrigued in the least, she will make it relatively easy for you. By that I mean she'll accept your offers to get together (whether as an official date, casual "not sure what it is" 1 on 1 hang out, or a group gathering you will be at). If she doesn't accept your offers, she will at least reach back and propose different dates to get together, or just find reasons to put herself near you. The reason I ask is because I'm trying to read this girl and do so without asking her "so how do you see me?" because that would make me look weak and bad. We work together, and seem to have a great rapport, but I've reached out to her 3x now to get together OUTSIDE of work, and she either said she was too busy or "probably not gonna make it" (without a reason). So I get the feeling she doesn't see me in that light, because if she entertained any thoughts like that AT ALL of me, surely she would have accepted or at least hit me back at a later time where she was FREE that we could hang out outside of work, right? I'm trying to walk by logic for once in my life, rather than bulldozing ahead with my projections. Ladies, please give me some insight. Thanks. for sure, if i like a guy and i have interest in him as a person i make it simple i dont play games ..i am hesitant only with guys i dont really know all that well or i dont know their personality...looks are not a consideration....i like to see both sides of the coin....the flaws and the good qualities and when i have...its easy for me to accept because i would want to accept..........deb
Eggplant Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I never get involved with co-workers. I keep my worlds separate. If you two have a good rapport at work, she is networking. She wants to have a good working relationship, you see. And she doesn't want to mess up her good rapport with a coworker by having to reject him personally. 1
Els Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 If she declines 3x, I think it's pretty safe to say you should move on. Like Eggplant says, she might be averse to dating folks at work - lots of people are. 1
LoveTKO Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 @Teknoe....it's actually very easy to figure out. Think of it this way: courtship and relationships shouldn't be like trying to solve a complex mathematical equation, but it should come natural for the most part. There can be obstacles such work schedules, kids, etc., but your gut instinct should tell you whether or not a person likes you more than a friend. Don't make excuses for people, or live in denial, because you're head over heels for someone and are looking at the situation through an emotional lens instead of thinking rationally. If a person really likes you they won't turn down your overtures.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 It's true for me, personally. But I think some women fear that "making it easy" will cause the guy to lose interest...hence, they play silly games to make themselves seem less available. Men do this, too, of course. But the fact that she's turned down three or four separate invitations makes it seem to me as though she is not interested.
MissBee Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Yes, if someone is interested in you, and you have reached out more than once, they will be glad to take you up on your offer, and if for some reason they can't make it they will explain why and try to reschedule. They will not decline every single time without an explanation or offer to follow up and if they do, it is safe to say they're not that into you.
Shepp Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 It probably is true 99% of the time. My gf was definetly in th 1% cause she did everything but make it easy for me....though saying that she never rejected my offers to hang out, just no to date. Bu then sh had ver unique circumstances that I knew...if you know ths girls backstory and it's relativly chill and she's rejecting every offer you make then yeahh id say move on!
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