conf Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I ve read many posts here and in many of them there was a very classic excuse by the dumper for the break up. The excuse was: "My feelings have changed, i only see you as friend." So i have a question. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I cant understand this excuse. Let's suppose that there is a dumper who is feeling like that and he is ready to break up tommorow. What would have felt if this evening had caught his partner with another man/woman in bed? Do you believe he will feel relief or maybe betrayed? I think that the most of them will feel betrayed. So how the hell does they see their partner only as friend? If I see a friend in bed with a chick , i will tell him: "HIGH FIVE!" (obviously not with mine chick ), but for sure I wont feel betrayed. I think that this excuse is pretty lame. Maybe the dumper feels that way because of the honeymoon period is over. Maybe the dumper feels that way because he has many issues inside him. But it has nothing to do with something the dumpee did. Namely, they were attracted by the dumpee, they was in love with him, the dumpee is someone who has the values to be friend with them, but they dont want relationship with the dumpee!!! AGAIN, WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Any thoughts?
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Most of the times when a dumper gives the dumpee the "let's just be friends" line THEY DON'T MEAN IT. They are simply saying it because they think it is the 'polite' thing to say, that it will let you down gently and of course it eases any guilt they may feel about dumping you because by saying 'let's just be friends' they convince themselves that they did all right by you and this eases their guilt. NONE of the dumpers who gave me the "let's just be friends" line meant it, NOT ONE - "let's just be friends" implies that THEY STILL WANT TO SEE YOU and keep in contact with you and hang out with you and chat with you, just on a "friends only" basis - but none of the dumpers who said this to me EVER contacted me again, I never heard a single word from them again - some 'friend'! so yeah, the "let's just be friends" line dumpers give you is mostly fake - don't believe it for a second. and also - why would YOU WANT TO REMAIN FRIENDS with someone who dumped you and broke your heart? as the saying goes... a dumper offering to stay friends after they dump you is like your parents telling you that your beloved dog died but don't worry because you can still play with its dead body. No thanks.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Its just an excuse they use to let you down easy. There would definately be other reasons they made this decision but they just dont want to tell you. Its probably a good thing. My ex and i broke up several times and all the time for different reasons so I'd try and work on those things, and then the next break up were different reasons and I'd try and work on that, and it just went on like that, which was ridiculous. Later he admitted they were just excuses to end it because he really just didnt want to be with me anymore. Ultimately it doesnt matter WHY they want to end it, they just do. You can make yourself crazy trying to understand and its not good. You will need to accept they dont want to be with you anymore and the reasons why are really not important, then you can start to move on. What's important is they dont feel the same way about you.
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Its just an excuse they use to let you down easy. There would definately be other reasons they made this decision but they just dont want to tell you. Its probably a good thing. My ex and i broke up several times and all the time for different reasons so I'd try and work on those things, and then the next break up were different reasons and I'd try and work on that, and it just went on like that, which was ridiculous. Later he admitted they were just excuses to end it because he really just didnt want to be with me anymore. Ultimately it doesnt matter WHY they want to end it, they just do. You can make yourself crazy trying to understand and its not good. You will need to accept they dont want to be with you anymore and the reasons why are really not important, then you can start to move on. What's important is they dont feel the same way about you. When an ex says this to me it makes me lose what little respect I had for them because they are not even honest enough to give me the truth about why they are dumping me. One woman who dumped me with this line last year said on the say "I really mean it, I really want to stay in touch with you" and she said she would ring me soon so we could catch up as friends. And No, I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD FROM HER EVER AGAIN. Most of the time it is a complete lie, and also it is rather insulting - I know they don't mean it anyway, but if they did.... since she doesn't want me as a boyfriend what makes her think that I want her as 'just a friend'?
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 When an ex says this to me it makes me lose what little respect I had for them because they are not even honest enough to give me the truth about why they are dumping me. One woman who dumped me with this line last year said on the say "I really mean it, I really want to stay in touch with you" and she said she would ring me soon so we could catch up as friends. I think that's part of why it's been easier for me to get it together and move on. And when i say move on i dont mean to another person, I just mean stopped thinking about them, building my own life, doing things i like to do. I have totally lost all respect for my EX. And it really wasnt cos he broke up with me. It was how he did it. Really he did me a favour cos rather then thinking about all the good times I tend to think about how he broke up with me and that he couldnt even be upfront and honest about it. Its quite pathetic really.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I ve read many posts here and in many of them there was a very classic excuse by the dumper for the break up. The excuse was: "My feelings have changed, i only see you as friend." So i have a question. WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I cant understand this excuse. Let's suppose that there is a dumper who is feeling like that and he is ready to break up tommorow. What would have felt if this evening had caught his partner with another man/woman in bed? Do you believe he will feel relief or maybe betrayed? I think that the most of them will feel betrayed. So how the hell does they see their partner only as friend? If I see a friend in bed with a chick , i will tell him: "HIGH FIVE!" (obviously not with mine chick ), but for sure I wont feel betrayed. I think that this excuse is pretty lame. Maybe the dumper feels that way because of the honeymoon period is over. Maybe the dumper feels that way because he has many issues inside him. But it has nothing to do with something the dumpee did. Namely, they were attracted by the dumpee, they was in love with him, the dumpee is someone who has the values to be friend with them, but they dont want relationship with the dumpee!!! AGAIN, WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Any thoughts? Most of the time when someone says they only see you as a friend, what it really means is that they aren't that physically attracted to you/don't think there's much chemistry there. The friend excuse just sounds nicer, hence its usage.
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Most of the time when someone says they only see you as a friend, what it really means is that they aren't that physically attracted to you/don't think there's much chemistry there. The friend excuse just sounds nicer, hence its usage. the reason it annoys most people isn't because it is a 'polite' way of rejecting someone, it is because it is fake and insincere. as I have said, NOT ONE of the many girls who gave me this line actually attempted to maintain a 'friendship' with me, they were all fine with never speaking to me again. saying 'I want to stay friends' when what they really mean is "I never want to see you again' is just lying and deception, no two ways about it. that is what annoys me about the line.
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 the reason it annoys most people isn't because it is a 'polite' way of rejecting someone, it is because it is fake and insincere. as I have said, NOT ONE of the many girls who gave me this line actually attempted to maintain a 'friendship' with me, they were all fine with never speaking to me again. saying 'I want to stay friends' when what they really mean is "I never want to see you again' is just lying and deception, no two ways about it. that is what annoys me about the line. and you would be happier if a girl brke up with you and said "I am not attracted to you anymore. I do not care for you anymore. I dont want to see you or talk to you anymore.bye bye" And that would stop you coming here posting "how can someone stop loving and caring over night". and if she said she wanted to be friends and did call you and see you, you would not come here posting "ex is sending me breadcrumbs i wish she could leave me alone" 1
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 and you would be happier if a girl breaks up with you and says "I am not attracted to you anymore. I do not care for you anymore. I dont want to see you or talk to you anymore.bye bye" And that would stop you coming here posting "how can someone stop loving and caring over night". and if she says she wants to be friends and does calls you and sees you, you would not come here posting "ex is sending me breadcrumbs i wish she could leave me alone" there is no easy way to dump someone but yes, given the choice of "let's just be friends" (when the girl has no intention of ever seeing me again) or "I am not attracted to you anymore. I do not care for you anymore. I dont want to see you or talk to you anymore.bye bye" I would prefer the latter because despite being nasty and harsh, at least it would be honest!
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 truth is, they dont really "not want to see you anymore" unless they hate you. them saying "lets be friends" means you can talk to them and they will talk back friendly.you can ask them out they will catch up with you friendly..but they wouldnt initiate because they dont wanna give you false hope.
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 truth is, they dont really "not want to see you anymore" unless they hate you. them saying "lets be friends" means you can talk to them and they will talk back friendly.you can ask them out they will catch up with you friendly..but they wouldnt talk to you because they dont wanna give you false hope. well, obviously I (and a lot of people I know) have had different experiences to you. because all the women who said "lets just be friends" to me NEVER attempted to ever contact me again or see how I am going or to hang out or do any of the stuff that friends usually do with each other. some friends!
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 as i said, they would not contact you but if you contact them they will probably reciprocate in a friendly way. that's their meaning of "lets be friends"
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 as i said, they would not contact you but if you contact them they will probably reciprocate in a friendly way. that's their meaning of "lets be friends" that's not true 'friendship', true friendship isn't awkward or one-sided. what you describe is not friendship but rather using and taking advantage of someone.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 that's not true 'friendship', true friendship isn't awkward or one-sided. what you describe is not friendship but rather using and taking advantage of someone. They don't want "true friendship" though. They want the quickest and most polite way away from the person they just dumped. And maybe an occassional ego stroking when the dumpee is inclined.
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 ok let me give you an example: how many "friends' do you have on facebook? how many of them do you attempt to see and talk to? are you taking advantage on them? Friendship merely means they will be friendly to you just like your facebook friends: they are just friendly to you! It doesn't mean they will be your close friend! Plus you will get hurt if they really keep talking to you.
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 ok let me give you an example: how many "friends' do you have on facebook? how many of them do you attempt to see and talk to? are you taking advantage on them? Friendship merely means they will be friendly to you just like your facebook friends: they are just friendly to you! It doesn't mean they will be your close friend! Plus you will get hurt if they really keep talking to you. Ah, but often they go further than that: many have actually said to me "I MEAN IT. I REALLY want to STAY FRIENDS and stay in touch with you" and then I never heard another word from them again. it is also incredibly rude and presumptuous of them: what makes them think that a dumpee WOULD EVEN WANT THEIR FRIENDSHIP?!?!?
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 that particular woman who said that might have just wanted a easy way out and she didnt want to hurt you too much. and since you dont wanna be friends with them anyway,i dont see the point getting so worked up about this.
Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 that particular woman who said that might have just wanted a easy way out and she didnt want to hurt you too much. and since you dont wanna be friends with them anyway,i dont see the point getting so worked up about this. I get worked up because it is an insincere line that most dumpers just say to ease their own guilt with little thought to the person they are actually dumping. The girl who dumped me last year with this line did it in a horrific way - it was a saturday and she texted me at 9am that morning asking if I was free to catch up with her. we went out and spent three hours together and she gave me ABSOLUTELY NO INDICATION WHATSOEVER that anything was wrong, she spent three hours hanging around and laughing with me and then at the end when I asked when she wanted to catch up again she gave me the "let's just be friends" line. I asked her why she spent three hours with me and gave me no indication anything was wrong prior to this and she said that she thought doing it this way was the "nice thing to do". she then asked if I would have preferred just being dumped by text - I said truthfully "Yes, I would have" and walked away from her, never heard from her again. we only went out five times so neither of us 'owed' anything to the other and being dumped by text would have been MUCH PREFERABLE for me. I hate the sheer fakeness of "let's just be friends"
almond Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I suppose most of the above posts are true in certain scenarios (casual dating etc.), but often, I think the "I see you as a friend" can be genuine. Example: long term relationship, mutual respect, feelings change, people grow apart blah blah. They still love and care for that person, but it morphs into a platonic love. The don't want to lose the person, but they can no longer be happy in an intimate, romantic relationship. It's a difficult and messy topic, but I don't agree with the posts that state that when a partner tells you that they now see you more as a friend, that it must be a lie, and it is only said so the dumper can escape quickly and without guilt. People change, feelings change, relationships change. All things in life are transient. Some couples can remain good friends long after the dissolution of their romantic relationship, and others can't. Remaining friends may very well be the exception to the rule, but I just felt like I'd weigh in to offer this viewpoint regardless.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 It's a difficult and messy topic, but I don't agree with the posts that state that when a partner tells you that they now see you more as a friend, that it must be a lie, and it is only said so the dumper can escape quickly and without guilt. People change, feelings change, relationships change. All things in life are transient. Some couples can remain good friends long after the dissolution of their romantic relationship, and others can't. Remaining friends may very well be the exception to the rule, but I just felt like I'd weigh in to offer this viewpoint regardless. No, it isn't a lie. Like previously said, by friend they mean someone they don't want sex with. For whatever reason, you now have the sex appeal of a lamp. However they may want you around for bitching about the people they are actually attracted to in the future.
Copelandsanity Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 No, it isn't a lie. Like previously said, by friend they mean someone they don't want sex with. For whatever reason, you now have the sex appeal of a lamp. However they may want you around for bitching about the people they are actually attracted to in the future. Hey, that's what friends are here for 1
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 No, it isn't a lie. Like previously said, by friend they mean someone they don't want sex with. For whatever reason, you now have the sex appeal of a lamp. However they may want you around for bitching about the people they are actually attracted to in the future. hmm...but my ex broke up with me and said " I dont have feelings for you anymore. .its merely sexual attraction"..I wonder if he lied?
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 hmm...but my ex broke up with me and said " I dont have feelings for you anymore. .its merely sexual attraction"..I wonder if he lied? Not neccessarily. I assume that romantic feelings can switch to purely sexual feelings just as easily as they can to platonic-not-even-remotely-sexy feelings. It just seems to either not happen as much or not get reported as much.
h0000 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Not neccessarily. I assume that romantic feelings can switch to purely sexual feelings just as easily as they can to platonic-not-even-remotely-sexy feelings. It just seems to either not happen as much or not get reported as much. true but I would assume guys would not dump their gfs iif they are still sexually attracted
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 true but I would assume guys would not dump their gfs iif they are still sexually attracted Honestly, I kind of think the answer to that depends almost exclusively on the answer to how sexual the guy in question is. From what I understand though, most guys are still attracted to the girls they dump. He may have just told you he's still sexually attracted to you in the hope of getting some good old fashioned ex sex somewhere down the road.
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