Haydn Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Today is so bad. I am missing her so much. I re-read the advice here and yes it all makes sense. Simon P, with changing a mindset. Others with `if she does come back could it be the same`. I want to contact her. I want a reaction. Idiotic i know. At this point in time every day seems worse. I have kind of met someone but get a terrible feeling of nausea when they try to be affectionate. I know its total and utter fear. I have written lists of what i she did to me and how cold she was. But it all seems forgivable if only i reached out. I am no teenager and i know many others here may see it this way. This hurts and hurts and hurts. I do have a therapist and for the last month have been given prozac. I really hate what she did to me and how she did it but i guess there is no good way? She wanted out, i was wrong for her. But it has broken my heart. Some days i can be ok. But recently........I just wanted a black hole to suck me in. Its so wrong after everything she did to me to still miss her so much and so often. She was crazy and unstable and now i am behaving like she did when we were together. Whats wrong with me?
Salvatore85 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 You're heartbroken, that's what's wrong with you. I've tried to rationalize every horrible thing my ex did to me, hell I still do it to this day but the truth is I didn't deserve it and neither did you. My co-workers, brother and friends have no clue why I'm not out dating and it's pretty much for the exact same reason, I just don't want to be with someone else right now, it doesn't feel right. I've gotten better month by month but I still wish I could talk to her some days, however I won't allow myself to contact her. It takes time and honestly that's the only thing that will heal you. I know it's odd, one day you're madly in love with someone and your life seems headed in the direction you've always anticipated and then all of a sudden you're single again, it's devastating to say the least. I guess we've all got to realize that nearly everyone goes through this. It's rough and can definitely take the wind out of your sails but you've got to push on. If you spend your days living under a rock than she wins. You're better than that and you are worth it. Prove that she was wrong about you and one day when you're over this and happy with someone who really appreciates you, you can look back at this relationship and realize it was a lesson learned. 4
sambo77 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Hey Haydn, I'm sorry you're having such a rubbish day. I am too. I had a good Friday, went out with friends, busy at work...today I'm alone and have a desperate need to contact her again. I just want a reaction too. I just want to know whether she still feels anything. So today is a struggle. I have decided to go back to bed at 4 in the afternoon. Reading over your post, I think some things scream out at me: (1) Get the hell away from this new girl. You are clearly not ready for an intimate bond with another girl right now. You are still intimately bonded to your ex. You don't need the extra emotion that this new intimate bond forces onto you. Neither does the new girl! Get away from her and let your wounds weep and then heal. YOU ARE NOT READY FOR ANOTHER BOND. (2) It is not wrong to miss her. You loved her. You still love her. You are going to hurt cos of that. Have you reached out to her since it ended? Or did you walk away and go NC from then? My desire to reach out and ask for a second chance (which I have not done yet) feels like an intolerable itch that I feel I have to scratch. I think that I will reach out to her when enough time has passed...otherwise I'll never know. I know I'll be slaughtered for that...but I think it's right for me...it will eliminate lingering uncertainty. (3) Your lists are great. But they are ultimately an attempt to "convince" yourself why you shouldn't love her or want her back. Thing is, love isn't logical is it. If it was, you could convince her to love you again based upon logic. You love her...despite the bad stuff on your list. You can't chase that away...this has to hurt because you love her. 2
JDPT Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 It's an unavoidable and inevitable feeling, and as oxymoronically as it may sound learn to embrace it, at least for now. You feel as if you are on an emotional rollercoaster. As you are already experiencing, there are certain days when you feel "somewhat" stable and others where you wished perhaps you never met her. Learn to propel yourself and internalize the concept that no one will do it but YOU. You are accountable for your actions and recovery progress. Be gentle with yourself and know that this phase in your life will eventually be left behind and your pain will gradually subside making room for growth and progress. Don't dwell on hypotheticals or allow your brain to wonder in search for answers. There aren't any answers, simply learn to come to terms with your current situation. And as you may have already been suggested, stick to NC no matter what. We all have weak moments, but that's all those moments are "weak moments" that will eventually get better in time. It's time to pave your wave, her chapter in YOUR book is now over. 1
Author Haydn Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 No, i have never reached out to her. The day it happened, i tried. But since then i have made no attempt to contact her. All i have had was some nasty texts last month from her. I never replied. She asked my friends where i was but thats it. I miss her but sometimes i think, what would i say to her? I love you? Give it another try? I am sorry (For what) All i know is that its like living in a `Cure` song at the moment and its not `Show me heaven!`I really need to vent, sorry guys. Miss her.
Author Haydn Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 This is getting so hard. I just want to call her. Even if she is with someone else i want her to hear me. I want her to tell me why. I am so torn as to know what to do. I have managed almost 4 months of not contacting her. How can she be so cold? So bloody aloof. When will this get better? When. Same old, same old, know! I just think she is well nice. F.......K.....What is this pain????? Just let me hate you honey.
headinthecloud Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 It gets better when you accept the fact she is not nor will ever be part of your life. You will get through this but don't let your mind spiral out of control like you're allowing it to do now. Workout, go to movies, have a coffee at a coffee shop. Meditate. This will pass. Be patient with yourself and be kind. 1
Author Haydn Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I am trying so hard everyday. I am barely keeping it together. I had a great date the other night but she is not my ex and it feels so wrong. I wish i could get rid of this sense of loss......I want her to hurt like i am. (Really childish to wish this) I never would want anything bad to happen to her, i love her! Love, ive been in love before, what makes her so special? I was treated like .....by her and i still want to go back for more?
Author Haydn Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 God i know what i posted so stupid! I gave everything i could to you. And you did this? Makes me feel like this? Put me in this place. I just want to hear your voice. Sorted. Round and round.
aaron11892 Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 We want what we can't have, it's as simple as that. I appreciated having my ex as a girlfriend when we were going out but when she ended it, oh man, the pain I felt was unbearable. My love for her multiplied by infinity...we never know what we have till it's gone. Your ex will feel this one day as well, believe me.
flight E Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Yep that true. Wen you are gone. If you are not gone she can never feel the way you are feeling. Then and only then can you get her back
Fufu Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 God i know what i posted so stupid! I gave everything i could to you. And you did this? Makes me feel like this? Put me in this place. I just want to hear your voice. Sorted. Round and round. When it's over, you won't even care/matter how she feels anymore... (truth) 2
Author Haydn Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I just want this hopeless feeling to end. Logically i dont want her back. But illogically i do. I try to push on with things i have to do in life. But the one constant is her that keep popping into my head at the times when i should be enjoying myself.
sambo77 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I can sympathise with that. They say when patients with OCD have a brief period of time where their "obsessive" thought (whatever it may be) has been forced out of their head for an hour or so (they may be very distracted)...then they suddenly get a "spike" of obsessive thinking straight after that...like their brain remembers the obsession again and goes double-time to make up for it. I have that with the obsessive thoughts about my ex. She is on my mind 24/7...but sometimes...I have an hour or so where I'm so absorbed in what I'm doing that I forget it all. Then...as soon as I stop it...BANG. I remember...and it's like a floodgate opens...the initial outpouring after the gates open is more intense than the usual "constant" flooding that occurs. And my emotion is powerful...these are often the times that I cry hardest. I hate that. 2
flight E Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 From what you have said. It has nothing to do with your ex; the person, rather its your ex; the neuropathway. You understand that it's just your mind playing tricks on you. Just keep at it and identify the thought of your ex with something distasteful with time your brain would and will stop flooding you with the thoughts. It's hard but it gets better. I think of mine every minute but I just accept the thoughts try and remove the emotion and don't fight it. I have been like this for a while and I can feel my logical mind kicking in. I know I will soon be fine and so will you. 1
oracle Posted October 23, 2013 Posted October 23, 2013 Sadly, 'fair' doesn't factor into life. Today is so bad. I am missing her so much. I re-read the advice here and yes it all makes sense. Simon P, with changing a mindset. Others with `if she does come back could it be the same`. I want to contact her. I want a reaction. Idiotic i know. At this point in time every day seems worse. I have kind of met someone but get a terrible feeling of nausea when they try to be affectionate. I know its total and utter fear. I have written lists of what i she did to me and how cold she was. But it all seems forgivable if only i reached out. I am no teenager and i know many others here may see it this way. This hurts and hurts and hurts. I do have a therapist and for the last month have been given prozac. I really hate what she did to me and how she did it but i guess there is no good way? She wanted out, i was wrong for her. But it has broken my heart. Some days i can be ok. But recently........I just wanted a black hole to suck me in. Its so wrong after everything she did to me to still miss her so much and so often. She was crazy and unstable and now i am behaving like she did when we were together. Whats wrong with me?
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