remington25 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Hey Guys. This is gonna be a long one I just have a lot of emotions bottled up. I am 24 years old and was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. We had issues concerning my insecurity due to his close relationship and past with his best female friend, and his inability to deal with relationship issues. I admit for the first year my insecurity was off the charts. Every time we had an serious argument about it he would stop speaking to me for days and then would become unsure about whether he wanted us to be together. He is also a loner which I respected but weeks would go by without us physically interacting. He prefers to communicate via text and I would have 200 texts a day. I always felt a little on the edge, I was sure that I wanted to be with him but despite his reassurance he always seemed kind of shaky. At the start of this year he broke up with me and I decided that I had to put my trust in him completely or let him go. This year we never argued, if I had any concerns or felt myself becoming insecure I talked to my friends first to gain perspective. We just had this connection I can't explain. We couldn't be apart and had fun together. We are very similar, sensitive, quiet people and in no time we became best friends as well as partners. I a lot of ways I understood his fears and he understood mine. He puts himself down a lot and gets very depressed. More than once he has told me he doesn't want to live. I even left class to take an hours bus trip to his house because he had a horrible night battling his demons. I tried to understand and did everything I could to make him happy. Anything that would make him happier I supported and tried to actively take part in. In a sense I felt like I lost myself a little. This year I've tried to reinforce my likes and dislikes and to pursue my interests a bit more. However my grand father died early this year, he practically raised me as his daughter. I was broken and became more emotional, I leaned on him a bit more. Anyway, a couple of months ago he started to bring up the top of children. I wanted, he didn't and asked if we broke up if we would still be friends. I said no. I told him if he didn't love me the way he should that we shouldn't be together. He said he loved me. I asked if as just a friend or as someone he could see himself building a life with. He said as someone he could see himself marrying..... I noticed however that he was becoming less and less affectionate. I didn't feel as special as before. After a weekend apart he told me he didn't treat me right and wasn't sure he wanted to try to work at us. A few days later he admitted he wasn't in love with me anymore but he didn't think he would find another girl like me. Months later he contacted me to apologize for his poor treatment of me and for not giving us 100%. He said i was the best thing that ever happened to him and when he saw me he felt a pain in his chest. He however thought this was for the best. After another apology a few weeks later and a request that he not contact me again, I got a text saying he couldn't do this. He looked at my display pic constantly. He felt like he made a mistake that was too late to fix. He broke up with me but couldn't get over me. He said he went out with a girl a few weeks after we broke up but couldn't kiss her. He admitted when he said he didn't love me it didn't mean he didn't like me. He was in love with me before but there were issues he didn't discuss with me and eventually affected the way he felt (i changed I became insecure and emotional).. He asked me if I wanted to try again. When i returned to the country he avoided talking about us. He said he was serious about reconciliation but was scared to hurt me (suppose he changed his mind). When i pushed him he said it was best we not get back together. I got pissed and asked him why did he even come back. He said he had wanted to get back together, he missed talking and being with me..80% of the time he wanted to be with me. We met up kissed and hugged and I even asked him on a date due to his upcoming birthday which he accepted. Next day I asked him how he felt. He admitted he felt lost and weird and confused after we met. He said he couldn't make a decision and that i shouldn't wait for him to. In his mind he wants me... because I was a great gf, we think the same, have the same interests, we act like we belong together but there is something making him hesitant and something that makes him not want to get back together. He however doesn't think he will find another girl as perfect for him as me?He doesn't understand why he doesn't feel the same way about me as before. After all that he asked if this means we can't talk anymore. I told him I was tired of being rejected. He argued that he wasn't rejecting me but I only saw it 2 ways : we are together or not together. Its like he wants my love, my time, my support and my attention but he doesn't want the responsibility to give me those things back. Its like he has multiple personalities. Since then I've blocked him on whatsapp and basically disappeared from social media. I was a virgin when I met him and he was my first boyfriend. I feel pretty betrayed. In a sense yes I had my issues. But he did as well..his depression..never putting in the effort to really spend time together. Relationships change and grow the spark you have when you first meet changes into something deeper. Did we become too real or does he just running from commitment. I never gave up despite of my reservations ..but he did. How do i put myself back together...will he come back?
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Go and live life. Enjoy yourself. In time and activity you will feel better. Thos guy seems to like playing some game. To me, it comes off as a game. That and fear of commitment. He shouldn't constantly play you. I would accept him as a loss. Keep him blocked. Not give into his pleas or games. He won't commit. This seems like a back and forth game. Really, if you read what you typed, you can see that this won't work. Move on. Go find someone better for you. Doesn't have to be a 100% match. Just matched enough. But will commit. 1
theonlyjuan Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I agree with Toddbt12y1 You shouldn't be concerned whether he comes back or not, move on. You can do better and you should really take the first steps in moving on and enjoying your life
Author remington25 Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Hi. I'm trying to but I feel so empty. I just don't understand how you can say that you can't get over me one week...say you miss me and miss being with me one day and 24 hours later tell me you can't make a decision. Its so lazy and hurtful. If he misses us and what we had why is he doing this to us.Is it a case that he just wants to play around ..is he that immature? After we broke up I was devastated but my hatred for him helped me to propel me forward. Now he comes back says this and im broken again. Everyday is a challenge.
Author remington25 Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 i just feel so empty. Why play with my heart. I was devastated when we broke up but I also was angry and that anger helped to push me along. He said he didn't want to hurt me again and he has. What's the point of saying what he said if he truly didn't love me. If he didn't feel something deep for me why say he can't get over me and why say he still wanted to be with me... Its sick. I was healing before but now everyday is a challenge. I can't focus. I just don't understand it.
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 People say all sorts of things. Doesn't make it true. Furthermore: Guilt. You see, most people use this "I don't want to hurt you." Or "It's me." Crap. This way, they can eliminate the guilt associated with a breakup(usually a bad breakup). You should cut the contact. By this, you eliminate these feelings.
brits85 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 im in a similar situation.... quite confused as of what to dol. I agree with how you describe his attitude, being lazy and hurtful, and I think it all comes down to measuring your level of happiness. Sometimes we are afraid to move on and we continue to force and refuse to understand the end of a relationship. We all have hope and the illusion that it can all be great again. to be honest, I've never ever heard of a successful getting back together. we refuse to see the signs. he will still have the same doubts he has now, and will still be doubtful about you. Id move on completely, block him from everything, pursue a new life with new people.
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