avacado Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Just woke from an intense dream about my ex. 9 months after the BU, almost all NC and she still visits me nightly. This is unbearable. She moved on and found a new guy about 5 months in, which still hurts now even more than being dumped. By the most wonderful girl. And now I'm 29 and single. And I feel like I've made very little progress recovering from this, despite getting therapy and staying vigilant in the rest of life. Everyone on these boards says to let go. How do you let go?
ponchsox Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 You may never let go 100%. Time is the ultimate healer but there will always be a time where you think about your ex(s). I'm going on a month post breakup and I've gone from letting it ruin my day to just thinking about her (missing) maybe once or twice a day for a moment. You have to maintain your self worth and confidence that you deserve and will find better. Sorrow breeds sorrow.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Appreciate the fact that there is no permanence in life. None. Nor is there any guarantee of the next moment. All that leaves is right now. The moment it took you to read this word ("ruffles") is already gone. And so, if you try to base your happiness on permanence, you will always be let down. Your career, your relationships, your health, they are all going to turn to dust. All you have is right now. And now. And now...
JoelBarish Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 There was an ex of mine that I dated more than 5 years ago. She dumped me. I struggled for a long time to get over her. Years went by. I dated several women. I heard that my old ex got married and I still wasn't over her. Finally I met someone I ended up giving my heart to. I was with her over a year and a half and I still worried that one day I might run into the old ex. Then my girl broke it off with me and I worry about running into her now, I don't care about my old ex anymore. Finally. So what's the lesson here? I'm not saying that you absolutely need someone to get over your ex, but I do think that they can linger in your heart until you let someone else in.
AnyaNova Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 For some reason, since I've gone gluten free, I am not remembering my dreams at all like I used to. ] I know I should consider it a gift and/or blessing. But I really am jealous of you guys. Because I haven''t been dreaming about my ex. I kind of wish I could. Not so much now, but right after our last meeting, it might have offered at least some intermediate relief. Granted, until the slicing cut of waking up and realizing, but still.
monkeymaid Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I have dreams when I am at work fully awake. I dream at night and cant sleep properly. I started writing them down. Dont know if it helps, but its like a new version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind every night. Im a movie producer/director yay!! Feel it avocado. just sit down and let it come, You cant fight waves at the beach, you can only weather them and learn their patterns so you know how to handle them better each time they crash. You take small ones first, then before you realize it, your trying to surf a 30' wave for some reason. Then you find yourself in good shape, not really worried, and ready to handle the next set of waves almost like its fun. Sometimes the wave wrecks you and sometimes you have the ride of your life, but you always reflect and learn. Always aware and humbled. Always trying to find the balance. You let go when you are ready. There is NO way to do it before, adn there is NO way to rush it.
lop98 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 What do you do before going to sleep? After the breakup I'd go to bed and in the darkness, think "a little" and then fall asleep. What did I think? the ex, what did I dream about? yeah, you guessed it. I'd wake up sometimes in tears, with a full day ahead that was already ruined. You need to implement little actions you probably already know: working out, late at night preferably... going out, the list is endless, and you need to be strict about it, no time for pity parties. One thing that solved this specific problem was watching dumb funny videos on youtube while on bed, right before sleeping. Great therapy for good sleep.
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