ericwingate Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 ugh... im pretty sure you guys are sick of hearing this.. but how the heck can i get over this girl?! ive been dating her for almost 5 years and she broke up with me because... actually i dont even know why she broke up with me. im pretty sure she broke up with me because she likes making me feel like ****.. every time she breaks up with me i end up crying all night long and than i call her and she gets back with me. i dont know if shes seeing other guys on the side or not. but now we are broken up for good. we have been apart for about 4 months now and we still talk sometimes, but it breaks my heart because she says that she does not LOVE me anymore. i dont know what the heck to do guys.. im so stressed and depressed... and i have nobody in my life except for my parents.. but they dont understand my situation. i am always paranoid about her being out at some clubs and going home with some guys to have sex with... thats all i think about every night.. its hard for me to sleep!! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME before i have some kind of a nervous breakdown!
ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by ericwingate ugh... im pretty sure you guys are sick of hearing this.. but how the heck can i get over this girl?! ive been dating her for almost 5 years and she broke up with me because... actually i dont even know why she broke up with me. im pretty sure she broke up with me because she likes making me feel like ****.. every time she breaks up with me i end up crying all night long and than i call her and she gets back with me. i dont know if shes seeing other guys on the side or not. but now we are broken up for good. we have been apart for about 4 months now and we still talk sometimes, but it breaks my heart because she says that she does not LOVE me anymore. i dont know what the heck to do guys.. im so stressed and depressed... and i have nobody in my life except for my parents.. but they dont understand my situation. i am always paranoid about her being out at some clubs and going home with some guys to have sex with... thats all i think about every night.. its hard for me to sleep!! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME before i have some kind of a nervous breakdown! I'm having the same trouble. What I realize, and what you should too, is the more you go back to her, the more power you give her. And sometimes, they don't even know they have that power. She may not, in her case. She's just figured you're not the one and the more you fight her on it, the more you talk to her, all you're doing is reassuring her that you ARE NOT the one. If she says she doesn't love you, DON'T LOVE HER! She's obviously not worth your time, your love and your affection. It's driving me nuts right now to not talk to my Ex but right now I know the ONLY THING that will give me solace is to not contact her. Let HER stew in it for a while. People are weird. They only want what they can not have. Only have what they do not want. We're insatiable creatures and as such, we need to learn what that fine balance is. In your case, you need to let her go because right now you have given her complete control of your life and you'll never get it back unless you snap out of it. And that starts with NO CONTACT. NONE WHATSOEVER!!! I'm doing it. You can do it too! Chin up!
Chris_T. Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 I'm going through the same thing you're going through right now, except I know don't think the ex is sleeping with someone else. Today is the first day in a week I'm starting to feel normal again. After she told me I freaked out, which is probably exactly what she wanted to me to do. I hadn't been calling, just occassion IM's...I guess she thought she could regain control by getting a rise out of me. And she did. The next day she came here and I wouldn't let her in. Then yesterday she tried to IM and I signed off. I think I feel better because I'm taking back control, which after I freaked out she had total posession of. OC is right, you have to break it off completely.
Author ericwingate Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 awesome.. thanks alot guys.. i feel better already.. you are so true about her controling my life. i need to take charge of my own life once again. if she doesnt like me than SCREW HER! i can find someone better that will enjoy having me around. wow.. i just need someone to talk to..
moon Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 My ex became a huge part of my social life, too. It was hard to see him go because I relied on him for friendship and security as well. If you feel that all you have is your parents, apart from this girl, it sounds like it's time for a change. You should try to make yourself feel more whole with or with out this girl. That sounds like what is really happening with you right now. You have to reach out and make a life for yourself. Even people in happy marriages have people outside who they talk with and have hobbies apart from their spouse. It should be a strong signal to you when you realize you have nobody but your ex, that it's high time you went out and created a life for yourself. Get some more hobbies and find some people to enjoy them with. This doesn't happen overnight. I am doing the same thing right now. Realizing how much my ex consumed me. But it isn't healthy. You can't depend so much on one other person. Try to pick a new hobby. Let's say learning Spanish. Then get on the internet and find a Spanish/English conversation partner. You can meet a new person and learn a language. Or join a gym and do yoga and try to introduce yourself to people and see about making new friends. Or whatever you are interested in. Learn how to play a musical instrument and then join a class.....or whatever floats your boat. The key is to not totally focus on the one that left you. The key is also to find inner happiness and peace. It is easy for me to say that, but I am working towards finding the same thing. It is important in life to have a plethora of activities to enjoy and people to enjoy them with. But this takes time. Give yourself some time to find some outside interests. This isn't for your ex........this is about you enjoying your own life. Then maybe it won't seem like you have such a huge gapping hole in your life with out the ex. Good luck.
MoMoArne Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 I hear you man. I am in the same situation, but the problem is she is out of the country. Before she left she kind of left everything wide open between us. She said she loved me with all her heart and promised me she wouldnt sleep with anyone...other then the fact that we are "on a break". I worry constantley that she is sleeping around with someone and going to clubs down there. I also lose sleep and cant think about much else except for the fact I love her to death and would do anything for her. It too has been 4 months and I still think about this a lot. Everyone says get over her, but they dont know just how much I care for her. Also, when I call she basically never calls or talks to me. Even in this age of Email she cant do that. She stays in contact with everyone else but me. I feel your pain, and also wonder why she wouldnt even contact someone she once loved and cared so much for. MOMO
momoarne Posted December 16, 2004 Posted December 16, 2004 I hear you man Im going throught the same thing and its 4 months too. instant message if you want. momoarne is my screenname later
GreenCap Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 When my ex and I broke up, I told her to take this time to chil and work things out, but unfortunately, she took the time to meet other guys and she found this person whom she says is the one she will marry and very soon for that matter. We were together three years and broke up only three months. So I don't even know whether she was with this guy or knew this guy before we broke up. But that is a separate issue, back to the sleeping around. When we were apart, I kept saying that I would take her back only if hasn't slept with anybody else but if you love somebody, you love all their imperfections and perfections. So what if she slept with someone else, am I that chavaunistic to say that because she slept with someone else she is "spoiled goods"? I want to love her, don't want to possess her. No it is the respect - the trust and bond. She is leaving this Saturday to spend Xmas and New Years with this new bloke and chances are during this holiday season - fireworks will fly. Cast them out with the bath water!!!! Hope I am making sense.
justanotherperson Posted December 25, 2004 Posted December 25, 2004 i just got left behind on a 5 year relationship too. i wish it was easier to deal with, tho i have been doing good, but there were just some things that really complicated things. #1 problem - it's a womans choice whether or not to have a child. i chose to stand by and simply support her decision (seemed good at the time but this is something i will live with for the rest of my life and TRULY regret.) she was perfect to me. in every way. but she lied to me from the start. and only admitted the lies after she left me. she walked out on me for no real reason i could understand. i helped her get into a nice good university, found her a home she could live in that was affordable and safe. i helped build her new home and move her in. all in one month i lost my love, my best friend, i was betrayed, and finally told the truth on lies she kept up through out all 5 years. its been so hard to let go because of a mistake that was beyond just me and her, but the child we had that we never had. i became too involved with work and working to provide for her, a marriage that never happened, a ring that was never given, and a kid that was never had. oh i don't think i was much help i'm in a world of **** now just thinking about it again.
theone44 Posted December 25, 2004 Posted December 25, 2004 Originally posted by ericwingate ugh... im pretty sure you guys are sick of hearing this.. but how the heck can i get over this girl?! ive been dating her for almost 5 years and she broke up with me because... actually i dont even know why she broke up with me. im pretty sure she broke up with me because she likes making me feel like ****.. every time she breaks up with me i end up crying all night long and than i call her and she gets back with me. i dont know if shes seeing other guys on the side or not. but now we are broken up for good. we have been apart for about 4 months now and we still talk sometimes, but it breaks my heart because she says that she does not LOVE me anymore. i dont know what the heck to do guys.. im so stressed and depressed... and i have nobody in my life except for my parents.. but they dont understand my situation. i am always paranoid about her being out at some clubs and going home with some guys to have sex with... thats all i think about every night.. its hard for me to sleep!! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME before i have some kind of a nervous breakdown! The best thing you can do for yourself is to become very successful in life,while she is stuck with a loser.
gello Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 I am in the exact same boat. My ex of only 1 yr 1/2 left me 2 days before christmas. I am a single dad and her a single mom. About 6 months ago she cheated on me. Said it was because I wasn't 100% in the relationship and wasn't getting the love and support she needed. Though this was true then, there is NO reason to cheat. She tried to turn it on me like it was MY fault she cheated. I started to believe it. We worked things out and not to my surprise she did it again. But this time she wanted a "break" from us. Said it was to get in touch with the old her. She didn't know this new her. I found out because on my daughter's birthday she showed up with a faint hickey on her neck. I am 28 and she's 24. A Hickey? What..are we in middle school? I was pissed! She didn't want to talk about it though. Needless to say I tried to give her a 2nd chance. She cheated again. And tried to turn it back on me again! I am crushed. Considering this happened last night. Only thing I can do now is accept the fact that it IS over this time for good, keep my head up, be strong, and deal with it the best that I can. I have been through the breakup thing before. Feels like this time is worse than the last. Truth is it's not. Just feels that way cause I'm going through it again. But time heals all wounds does work. Things get better eventually. She said we should go 2 weeks without talking. 2 years sounds more like it!! I am taking the same advice and NOT going to communicate with her. I have taken her name out of my phone, deleted her of my im, and blocked her email from outlook. I pray that these things will get me through.
justanotherperson Posted December 30, 2004 Posted December 30, 2004 I hear ya. Gotta try ExTRA HARD to be a dick to our X's. There is no reason or excuse for lying, cheating, or anything full of bull****. Good is good, bad is bad. Black and White. THat's how we live our lives and any woman that doesn't live her life like that is bad news - run away fast and don't look back. Helps not to dwell on the bad things in life, but to rejoice at all of the good things. Your kid(s) need you, your family needs you. And we are of a few good men. I don't know if any of you believe in God but, it does a world of good when you put your life in balance, priorities between your personal life, and your business life, knowing that you have a spiritual life, a business/career life, a personal (family and friends) life, a personal (you and your immediate family) life. Keep your head up. and one of the things i live by is this: I have made mistakes, i will make mistakes, but I am NOT a mistake. another thing that helps when using and controlling emotions (love/hate, peace/anger, etc.) "Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all of the time." When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied "The one I feed the most." every person no matter who you are goes through this, whenever someone does something good or bad or is faithful or cheats, realize what they think and what they nourish in themselves, for we can only see the world through our own eyes. as far as others are concerned - actions speak much louder than words, and be fearful and respectful of God, and surround yourselves with others that fear God, and most especially make sure that the partner you are with or that you will get with is God fearing. Happy New Years to all.
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