Ordinaryday Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Over the years I have had a few women do something horrible to me, which I am sad to say has made me cynical. What they did is something like this: over a short period of time acted VERY interested in me and sent me HEAPS AND HEAPS of text messages and acted like they really liked me... and then just disappeared without a trace. A few friends said that maybe I was "reading too much into it" and they were just "being friendly" and I took it to mean something it wasnt... but no, I don't believe that at all, since several of them said I was so sexy, great, such a cool dude, etc. they WANTED me to think that they liked me. sadly this has made me rather cynical about women and now when a woman acts interested in me, although I will go along with it, I always remain emotionally detached and at arms-length for awhile because I am just waiting for the point in which they 'drop' me. Some of these women actually were nasty... one woman asked me to do some huge favour for her and acted like she was interested in me... I did the favour for her and never heard from her again! she was deliberately leading me on to get me to do something for her! so why do some women (and men, I'm sure but I have no experience with this!) do this? deliberately lead a guy on who they have no intention of ever being with? do they just like the attention? like messing with him? what gives?
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 can you explain what it is when you say being led on ...as in how were you led.....deb
Author Ordinaryday Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 can you explain what it is when you say being led on ...as in how were you led.....deb they'd act all interested in me, tell me how sexy I was, what a cool dude I was, in some cases we went out several times and everything seemed to go well, they showed no sign of anything being wrong.... and then they just dropped me without notice. some of them deliberately used me - like the one woman who got me to do a favour for her by acting interested in me.... to be blunt, had she made clear to me that she had no interest in me but still asked me to do the favour for her I would have said "no" so of course she acted interested in me... until she got what she wanted out of me and then dropped me
crederer Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 It's all part of dating man. Some girls are gunna flake out. They can cram it with walnuts. You'll find a good one sooner or later.
Mascara Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 To be honest, I think your new tactic of remaining emotionally detached until you've established that they want more is a healthy one anyway. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 They want attention and some form of escape. You should definitely remain detached at first.
crude Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I think men lead themselves on, by thinking if they pay for things and do favors for a stranger, they'll get laid. From the woman's standpoint, you ask her if she'd like to go with you to a $100 a ticket concert and a $100 meal free, she just says yes, no big deal, as long as you give, I'll take. As long as you keep shelling out $$ and doing favors, she hangs with you, like a stripper who sits on your lap for as long as you give her $20 a song. 1
phineas Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I think men lead themselves on, by thinking if they pay for things and do favors for a stranger, they'll get laid. From the woman's standpoint, you ask her if she'd like to go with you to a $100 a ticket concert and a $100 meal free, she just says yes, no big deal, as long as you give, I'll take. As long as you keep shelling out $$ and doing favors, she hangs with you, like a stripper who sits on your lap for as long as you give her $20 a song. Yes and no. There are men who do this, but those who do think of themselves as "nice guys" then get bitter when she gets with someone else. On the other hand, the woman would have to be borderline retarded not to know the only reason the guy is doing that stuff for her is because he likes her so if she is allowing him to do this then yes she is leading him on. Both people in that type of situation are not really good people. I've dated enough women over the last yr to know the difference between a woman truly interested in me VS. a woman just wasting my time & treat them accordingly. OP will eventually learn this also. 1
joystickd Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I think men lead themselves on, by thinking if they pay for things and do favors for a stranger, they'll get laid. From the woman's standpoint, you ask her if she'd like to go with you to a $100 a ticket concert and a $100 meal free, she just says yes, no big deal, as long as you give, I'll take. As long as you keep shelling out $$ and doing favors, she hangs with you, like a stripper who sits on your lap for as long as you give her $20 a song. It's more women than men. A woman should have enough maturity to not use a man , but then again that's what maybe women do 'Maybe' women will usually leave men feeling agitated and bitter in the long run - Los Angeles Men's Dating Advice | Examiner.com
truth_seeker Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I've dated enough women over the last yr to know the difference between a woman truly interested in me VS. a woman just wasting my time & treat them accordingly. OP will eventually learn this also. With experience, comes wisdom. Going through bad episodes with women (I've had my share this past year) only gives you a better understanding of who to avoid and who to invest your time in.
truth_seeker Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) Another thing: I truly believe those women in their 20's, early 30's playing games, leading men on for an ego boost or materialistic gain, eventually it catches up with them. Seldom do these women ever find the true love of their life. They're never happy. They end up miserable, alone (even if they have a man, they settle and are alone emotionally) these women just end up losing in life. Edited October 19, 2013 by truth_seeker
Author Ordinaryday Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Yes and no. There are men who do this, but those who do think of themselves as "nice guys" then get bitter when she gets with someone else. On the other hand, the woman would have to be borderline retarded not to know the only reason the guy is doing that stuff for her is because he likes her so if she is allowing him to do this then yes she is leading him on. Both people in that type of situation are not really good people. I've dated enough women over the last yr to know the difference between a woman truly interested in me VS. a woman just wasting my time & treat them accordingly. OP will eventually learn this also. agreed, this has happened to me a few times when I was younger. a girl acted all interested in me and we went out and I did stuff for her and helped her out and stuff and when I made a move she was all like "hey come on.... JUST FRIENDS" and she claimed that she had NO IDEA that I wanted more than friendship, and then she made me into the bad guy by claiming that I was only being nice to her in exchange for hoping to get sex. While I can understand that perspective I agree that a woman is either retarded or just playing dumb (which would make her a bitch) if she truly believes that a single unattached man who is always 'there' for her and goes out of his way to do her favours and stuff only wants 'friendship' from her. seriously, is she THAT dumb?
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 agreed, this has happened to me a few times when I was younger. a girl acted all interested in me and we went out and I did stuff for her and helped her out and stuff and when I made a move she was all like "hey come on.... JUST FRIENDS" and she claimed that she had NO IDEA that I wanted more than friendship, and then she made me into the bad guy by claiming that I was only being nice to her in exchange for hoping to get sex. While I can understand that perspective I agree that a woman is either retarded or just playing dumb (which would make her a bitch) if she truly believes that a single unattached man who is always 'there' for her and goes out of his way to do her favours and stuff only wants 'friendship' from her. seriously, is she THAT dumb? What kills me is when these women pretend to other people they had no idea he liked her to perpetuate her innocence. It's like using the "I was drunk" excuse as a slut defense for hooking up with some guy they just met.
Mascara Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 "a woman is either retarded or just playing dumb (which would make her a bitch) if she truly believes that" "a slut defense for hooking up" There are some truly vile attitudes to women from some on this forum. I sincerely hope these comments aren't intended as they come across. I find it utterly tragic and sad that we, as women, aren't supposed to think you're just being nice about the whole friendship thing. I'm disappointed that some posters think we should KNOW you're just trying to get us into bed, and it's our fault if we just appreciate your kindness. I have male friends. They are FRIENDS. They would be appalled if I stopped being their friend because they MUST want something else. Once again, we can't win - if we assume all men are out to get us into bed, we're wrong. If we assume you really do want to be our friend as you claimed.... we're still wrong.
carhill Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Some of these women actually were nasty... one woman asked me to do some huge favour for her and acted like she was interested in me... I did the favour for her and never heard from her again! she was deliberately leading me on to get me to do something for her! I've had dozens of examples of this but I think my all-time favorite was the lady who worked for the financial institution where I was on loan committee coming on to me, even progressing to social engagements away from her work and then, after a few months of this, soliciting me for an investment program she was moonlighting for. Truly an Academy award performance. I guess she figured I was wealthy since I owned a business and volunteered at a bank for fun. Heh! so why do some women (and men, I'm sure but I have no experience with this!) do this? deliberately lead a guy on who they have no intention of ever being with? do they just like the attention? like messing with him? what gives? My overriding take-away from decades of it is that they just like how they feel in that moment and the other person is merely a facilitator of those feelings; a tool of sorts. Whoever mentioned upthread that caring less and/or delaying any emotional attachment is healthy in these matters is, IMO, spot-on. Marriage taught me most of those lessons via the school of hard knocks. The tuition was expensive and the degree worthless but the education was priceless. 1
NGC1300 Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 (edited) It's because they're too afraid to express their true feelings when they're with you. They act crazy about you, because it's easy for them to just roll with that until they get home and begin to cook up reasons it won't work out. If you're lucky you might receive a break-up text. I got mine within hours of us making plans. Edited October 20, 2013 by NGC1300
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 "a woman is either retarded or just playing dumb (which would make her a bitch) if she truly believes that" "a slut defense for hooking up" There are some truly vile attitudes to women from some on this forum. I sincerely hope these comments aren't intended as they come across. No, just disgust at the over-used victim cards women play in order to not take responsibility for their actions. The only thing vile is a woman who allows a guy she barely knows to spend hundreds of dollars on her or hrs upon hrs working on her house or car then pretends he did it all because he was a sweet guy and she had no clue he liked her. On the other hand, the guy is a dumb-ass so if he's bitter about it i'd tell him to STFU because he let her do it to him. I find it utterly tragic and sad that we, as women, aren't supposed to think you're just being nice about the whole friendship thing. I'm disappointed that some posters think we should KNOW you're just trying to get us into bed, and it's our fault if we just appreciate your kindness. I have male friends. They are FRIENDS. They would be appalled if I stopped being their friend because they MUST want something else. Once again, we can't win - if we assume all men are out to get us into bed, we're wrong. If we assume you really do want to be our friend as you claimed.... we're still wrong. So apparently you don't know the difference between guys a woman has known for a while & guys a woman just started hanging out with and they immediately start spending money on her & doing favors for her even though they aren't dating and she does nothing for him in return? what I find funny about these forums is a lot of women here just refuse to acknowledge that women lead men on. Yet, men on these forums have no problem admitting other men lead women on. I see women in real life call out other women all the time for leading men on and using them yet on LS you are a woman hater on these forums if you are a man & relay the many ways a woman has led or attempted to lead you or your friends on.
newmoon Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 the reason I have done this, admittedly, is because the guy has some quality (or qualities) that I like immensely and want in a partner, but he's lacking 'something' that won't allow me to either completely let him go or advance the relationship. it's definitely a form of leading someone on when it's not 100% romantic, and it does take advantage of someone else's feelings for you, but I bet the women that do it have some true interest in you or there is something about you that really sings to a certain part of their soul. it's hard to lead someone on that you have zero interest in. I am truly hoping (romantic) feelings might develop for the person while doing this...
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 I've had dozens of examples of this but I think my all-time favorite was the lady who worked for the financial institution where I was on loan committee coming on to me, even progressing to social engagements away from her work and then, after a few months of this, soliciting me for an investment program she was moonlighting for. Truly an Academy award performance. I guess she figured I was wealthy since I owned a business and volunteered at a bank for fun. Heh! My overriding take-away from decades of it is that they just like how they feel in that moment and the other person is merely a facilitator of those feelings; a tool of sorts. Whoever mentioned upthread that caring less and/or delaying any emotional attachment is healthy in these matters is, IMO, spot-on. Marriage taught me most of those lessons via the school of hard knocks. The tuition was expensive and the degree worthless but the education was priceless. I'm still a nice guy. I enjoy helping people. It's in my nature & the way I was brought up. But, i'm no longer a chump & I no longer fall for that crap. No decent woman I know would ask a guy she hasn't known & spent time with for a while as friends to do her huge favors. They would feel too uncomfortable doing such a thing. I know plenty of women like this and are friends with them. We hang out, go to social functions & they never ask me to do them favors or even put me in a spot where I can volunteer to do them favors.
Mascara Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 No, what's vile is the use of "slut", "retarded" and "b!tch" to describe such women. I don't care how much you object to their actions. And for the record, I'd object to the equivalent and opposite words to describe men. I don't know the kind of women you're used to addressing, but I am most certainly a decent woman. I do not "lead men on", if I meet a new friend and we get along, and he offers to help me do something, I think "how nice, I'll return the favour one day". Apparently, all men have only one motive for doing so though. It would be nice to get an apology from those who have used such words, I doubt it'll be forthcoming though, so I'll move onto other topics.
ponchsox Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Another thing: I truly believe those women in their 20's, early 30's playing games, leading men on for an ego boost or materialistic gain, eventually it catches up with them. Seldom do these women ever find the true love of their life. They're never happy. They end up miserable, alone (even if they have a man, they settle and are alone emotionally) these women just end up losing in life. Agreed. Some women are so selfish that they will string a man along for the power trip, sex, and dump them faster than they can blink an eye. Some women are very good at hiding their true intentions. Men are so easily duped into lust and sex that they don't look at the big picture and ignore warning signs along the way.
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 No, what's vile is the use of "slut", "retarded" and "b!tch" to describe such women. I don't care how much you object to their actions. And for the record, I'd object to the equivalent and opposite words to describe men. I don't know the kind of women you're used to addressing, but I am most certainly a decent woman. I do not "lead men on", if I meet a new friend and we get along, and he offers to help me do something, I think "how nice, I'll return the favour one day". Apparently, all men have only one motive for doing so though. It would be nice to get an apology from those who have used such words, I doubt it'll be forthcoming though, so I'll move onto other topics. I call it like I see it without sugar coating it regardless of gender. FYI, I've heard many women call other women sluts, bitches, and worse far more often than I see it on these boards. Again, just because YOU don't do it don't argue that other women don't do it. You don't date women so you really wouldn't know. when I see a woman apologize to a man for leading him on then pay him back both monetarily & return the favors he did for her then i'd rethink my opinion of her but we know that won't happen & on the remote chance that it did, The dumb-ass that wasted his time on said woman might not learn his lesson.
phineas Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Agreed. Some women are so selfish that they will string a man along for the power trip, sex, and dump them faster than they can blink an eye. Some women are very good at hiding their true intentions. Men are so easily duped into lust and sex that they don't look at the big picture and ignore warning signs along the way. I meet a lot of guys my age (40's) that are like this every time they get around a mildly attractive woman our age. It's pathetic how desperate they act. and makes me laugh at how much money they spend buying them drinks only to get shut down at the end of the night. However, since these guys push for sex ASAP it's impossible for a woman to actually lead them on for long because they are playing the numbers & hitting on everything with a heart-beat & eventually get lucky. On one hand guys who have a habit of geting led on could learn a thing or two but on the other hand I don't need any more d-bags cockblocking me.
Eggplant Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 There are people who will take advantage of you and use you in both genders. As a man, you see women doing it. Let me assure you, there are some nasty human beings out there. Of both genders. So yes, everybody should keep his or her heart guarded. It's rough out there.
phineas Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 There are people who will take advantage of you and use you in both genders. As a man, you see women doing it. Let me assure you, there are some nasty human beings out there. Of both genders. So yes, everybody should keep his or her heart guarded. It's rough out there. Yep. not denying men are just as bad. Guys who don't take advantage of women have to deal with the fallout of the scumbags out there who do. I've met some women who were really f-d over & in turn they look to F some poor guy over & these people just cannot let it go & end up alone at 50 or in a really dysfunctional relationship.
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