nini Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Hey, just need some thoughts on this…it is my elder sister’s birthday today and my mum wrote this on her facebook wall ‘I’m so grateful for having a daughter like you. Happy Birthday to the world’s best daughter!’ Is it normal that a mother of 5 children (3 girls and 2 boys) would do something like this? Like I mentioned before, my mum does have really strong NPD traits and even when we were kids she would say thing like ‘x is your dad’s favorite and y is my favorite’, ‘x is your maternal grandma’s favorite and z is your paternal grandma’s fav’. Also, as kids, there were times when my paternal grandma would come over with a few sweets, wait until I have left the room and give them to my elder sister and told her to eat them alone. I always found out because my sister would come and eat them infront of me and tell me ‘gran told me not to tell you or share them without you’. My mum never condemned this behaviour from my grandma. Additionally, my mum has always pitted us against each other...comparing and contrasting her children in front of them and behind their backs. A few years ago, when my sister married someone my mum didnt 100% approve, mum would call me and complain about her all the time. I always tried to diffuse the situation but it took a while for her to stop doing that. I just think that it is so unbelievable that my mum (who is 50 years old) would not see how immature and childish it is to post something like that on my elder sister’s wall (for all of us and the whole world to see) when she knows that there is conflict in the family at the moment and the fact that she has clearly sided with my sister. Am I being oversensitive? My mum’s always told me that I am too sensitive so just wondering – but I guess that’s her way of invalidating my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 (edited) Hey, just need some thoughts on this…it is my elder sister’s birthday today and my mum wrote this on her facebook wall ‘I’m so grateful for having a daughter like you. Happy Birthday to the world’s best daughter!’ Is it normal that a mother of 5 children (3 girls and 2 boys) would do something like this? Like I mentioned before, my mum does have really strong NPD traits and even when we were kids she would say thing like ‘x is your dad’s favorite and y is my favorite’, ‘x is your maternal grandma’s favorite and z is your paternal grandma’s fav’. Also, as kids, there were times when my paternal grandma would come over with a few sweets, wait until I have left the room and give them to my elder sister and told her to eat them alone. I always found out because my sister would come and eat them infront of me and tell me ‘gran told me not to tell you or share them without you’. My mum never condemned this behaviour from my grandma. Additionally, my mum has always pitted us against each other...comparing and contrasting her children in front of them and behind their backs. A few years ago, when my sister married someone my mum didnt 100% approve, mum would call me and complain about her all the time. I always tried to diffuse the situation but it took a while for her to stop doing that. I just think that it is so unbelievable that my mum (who is 50 years old) would not see how immature and childish it is to post something like that on my elder sister’s wall (for all of us and the whole world to see) when she knows that there is conflict in the family at the moment and the fact that she has clearly sided with my sister. Am I being oversensitive? My mum’s always told me that I am too sensitive so just wondering – but I guess that’s her way of invalidating my feelings. i tell all my daughters they are my favorite.....i have three daughters and two boys...if i dont have enough money and i am out with one of them i buy them a little something to eat or a treat...cant afford to do it for all my kids at the time.....so i ask them not to say anything to not cause resentment between them.......the next time i go out i buy something for another one.....and so it goes on...when i have enough money i buy for all......what that mother puts on her face book wall is up to her really.....shouldnt be up for judgement one of the reasons i dont post a hell of a lot on facebook i write poetry for my daughters with lines along the way of child of my heart.....my daughters know they are all in this heart fo mien whther i write it on theri wall or not because i tell them so....there has never been any talk of favoritism...unless it was in a joking manner for a guilt trip so they could coerce me into buying them something...lol...doesnt work...... i really do think that peopel who judge facebook posts as being ver batim...need to see facebook is not the be all and end all of everything in existence..including parenting capacity ...i dont parent from facebook personally i think facebook sucks...stalk my teen girls yes....write a few poems yes.........and going to the toilet and what color your poo is should not be posted..by adults or by children..hate facebook...deb Edited October 18, 2013 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I always tell mine they are my favorite "4 year old girl" (exchange the age and gender depending on which kid it is). LOL That way I'm not saying they're my favorite. If I have one or two kids with me and not the others, I'll likely buy them a little something. I do that with ALL of them, though so it all evens out. I don't have a favorite. Well...let me rephrase. My favorite depends on the day and their behavior. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I always tell mine they are my favorite "4 year old girl" (exchange the age and gender depending on which kid it is). LOL That way I'm not saying they're my favorite. If I have one or two kids with me and not the others, I'll likely buy them a little something. I do that with ALL of them, though so it all evens out. I don't have a favorite. Well...let me rephrase. My favorite depends on the day and their behavior. I don't have a favorite. Well...let me rephrase. My favorite depends on the day and their behavior. lol so true .......smilin.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Its easy to over generalize when it seems that thru out your life you have been exposed to the statement of "favorites". Let me give it to you straight....Parents are humans, capable of poor judgment and errors in opinions. Some parents DO have favorites, that is on them. My Dad favored my sibling brothers and I knew it thru out my life. When I grew up and accepted that it was HIS distorted thinking then things changed. So place things in a different direction. Sometimes a mother is simply being extra loving on a childs "birthday" celebration, welcome that she can express such love for all you children. Some parents actually never express any type of favoritism because they are too busy berating them or lecturing them. I bet if you sit back and really delve into some events your mum had "moments" with you that made you feel favored in her eyes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 My mum would never say that.......she doesn't have to because I know I'm everyone's favourite!! lol. Link to post Share on other sites
melodicintention Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Facebook easily can and will destroy relationships due to all the drama it causes when people post things that causes other to over analyze things. Judging your mother by what she posted will cause issues, I personally would ignore it and find something better to worry about. This problem for you exemplifies exactly why I refuse to engage with family on Facebook due to the tension it always causes, the jealousy, and the further worsening of the typical american dysfunctional family. You should judge your mother by her actions, not some bs she posted on facebook. You are over analyzing it. Link to post Share on other sites
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