MW I've been seeing just told her H she's in an affair w/ me, but she's not stopping

[Wayne696]

The married woman I've been seeing just told her husband she's been having an affair with me, and she intends to keep seeing me.

 

She also told him she doesn't want a divorce and he can either 'deal with it' or move out.

 

Why on earth would she do that? And what husband would stay in a situation like that? For the kids?

 

Appreciate your thoughts on this!

[whatatangledweb]

He may be in shock. You don't always decide right away what you will do. I don't know why she would do that. In my opinion it's cruel.

[bentleychic]

My gut says she's either lying to you (and this didn't actually happen) or she's a spoiled brat used to getting her way.

 

Are you okay with being the other man in an open relationship, if it's true and the husband stays in the M?

[GypsumSatellite]

A husband or wife may stay in a marriage like that because they lack power in the marriage. If she's telling the truth about the situation, she may have him in a dire spot - he may depend on her for insurance, she may fulfill an emotional need of his where he'll tolerate straying because he loves her for other reasons, or he may be beaten down after years of marriage to her and be willing to go along with anything to avoid the stigma of everyone knowing his W has stepped out on him.

 

There's also the slim possibility he's turned on by his W seeking sex outside the marriage. Or that he doesn't care about her having sex with others due to a condition of his own. So many different reasons.

 

What has she said her husband's reaction was to this news?

[Speakingofwhich]

The married woman I've been seeing just told her husband she's been having an affair with me, and she intends to keep seeing me.

 

She also told him she doesn't want a divorce and he can either 'deal with it' or move out.

 

Why on earth would she do that? And what husband would stay in a situation like that? For the kids?

 

Appreciate your thoughts on this!

 

Knew of a stich where WH was going to tell BW that he wanted to date OW because he had feelings for her so that BW would file for D.

[Wayne696]

 

What has she said her husband's reaction was to this news?

 

She said he asked her to break it off, to which she replied no.

 

I suppose I'm fine with the situation. Nothings really changed on my end except now it's easier for us to see each other because only one of us has to lie to our spouse (me) when we get together.

 

I do worry about him finding out who I am and confronting either me or my spouse. She says he won't do that, but of course she would say that.

 

I just can't imagine being in the same house, much less still talking, with my spouse if I knew she was in a continuing affair. So it's hard for me to understand how her husband stays with her. I mean what do they talk about at dinner? "How was sex with your other man last night?" I don't get it.

[Solcita2]

She said he asked her to break it off, to which she replied no.

 

I suppose I'm fine with the situation. Nothings really changed on my end except now it's easier for us to see each other because only one of us has to lie to our spouse (me) when we get together.

 

I do worry about him finding out who I am and confronting either me or my spouse. She says he won't do that, but of course she would say that.

 

I just can't imagine being in the same house, much less still talking, with my spouse if I knew she was in a continuing affair. So it's hard for me to understand how her husband stays with her. I mean what do they talk about at dinner? "How was sex with your other man last night?" I don't get it.

 

Just as it's hard for me to understand a cheater... How do you have sex with your MOW and then come back home and kiss your wife and ask her about her day?

[waterwoman]

Do you think he will tell your wife?

[Saratonin]

My eMM did something similar. Within a few days of knowing each other, he went home and told his wife he met someone and that he wanted a D; he continued to give her a play-by-play of our status as things progressed to a PA. This was the only reason I entered into the A to begin with; I thought their M was as good as over and that this was a typical exit A, and found his (ahem) "honesty" refreshing.

 

Needless to say, two months later things had progressed (or backslid, depending on your POV) to a point where their M was "good" and she was being "mature" by sitting back and accepting the A even though she "didn't like it," and finally to a point where he didn't know how much "more of this she could take." After two weak attempts to end things by me, he finally (and cowardly) started fading into the ether when I refused his suggestion to take the A underground. That was a wake up call for me.

 

I too have no idea why she would sit back and accept the A. My best guess is that he used me and our A to manipulate her into behaving a certain way; a power play in the relationship. I have since learned that he has threatened divorce on multiple occasions, and that this type of behavior is standard withholding of affection and playing off the partner's fears to control a situation. It's emotional abuse, and I was merely an instrument of emotional blackmail. I feel bad for her, honestly.

 

I try to remember this fact whenever any sentimental thoughts about this douchecanoe start creeping back into my brain (which still happens often).

[RickFox]

She said he asked her to break it off, to which she replied no.

 

I suppose I'm fine with the situation. Nothings really changed on my end except now it's easier for us to see each other because only one of us has to lie to our spouse (me) when we get together.

 

I do worry about him finding out who I am and confronting either me or my spouse. She says he won't do that, but of course she would say that.

 

I just can't imagine being in the same house, much less still talking, with my spouse if I knew she was in a continuing affair. So it's hard for me to understand how her husband stays with her. I mean what do they talk about at dinner? "How was sex with your other man last night?" I don't get it.

 

And yet, somehow it's still okay for you to do this with your spouse. Don't worry about getting busted, accept that it's going to happen. You'll either find out the anger from effing another man's woman or the scorn for ripping the heart from your wife's chest when she learns of your betrayal.

 

I remember my wife just telling me, "I wish you would have told me you didn't want me any more...." You should probably tell your wife and let her go before you really hurt her, it really sucks seeing the pain your selfishness causes, then again, if you simply could care less, I assume you will carry on.

[whichwayisup]

She said he asked her to break it off, to which she replied no.

 

I suppose I'm fine with the situation. Nothings really changed on my end except now it's easier for us to see each other because only one of us has to lie to our spouse (me) when we get together.

 

I do worry about him finding out who I am and confronting either me or my spouse. She says he won't do that, but of course she would say that.

 

I just can't imagine being in the same house, much less still talking, with my spouse if I knew she was in a continuing affair. So it's hard for me to understand how her husband stays with her. I mean what do they talk about at dinner? "How was sex with your other man last night?" I don't get it.

 

Do yourself a favour, come clean with your wife. He WILL be making contact with her as soon as he reaches the anger phase. He's in stealth mode now.... your MW has NO IDEA what he'll do and she shouldn't be telling you not worry that he won't contact your wife.

[Owl]

She said he asked her to break it off, to which she replied no.

 

I suppose I'm fine with the situation. Nothings really changed on my end except now it's easier for us to see each other because only one of us has to lie to our spouse (me) when we get together.

 

I do worry about him finding out who I am and confronting either me or my spouse. She says he won't do that, but of course she would say that.

 

I just can't imagine being in the same house, much less still talking, with my spouse if I knew she was in a continuing affair. So it's hard for me to understand how her husband stays with her. I mean what do they talk about at dinner? "How was sex with your other man last night?" I don't get it.

 

Why do you think he should just give up on her? Hell, he's got years invested in his relationship with her. He's going to stay, and he's going to continue to put pressure on her to end the affair, until she either does so, or she leaves him.

 

And the odds are, it's the affair that will be ended.

 

Do you think your wife will just up and walk away when she finds out? Or do you think she's going to try to fight to save the marriage?

 

What will YOU do when she finds out? Tell her no, you're going to continue to see the MOW? Tell her it ended, try to get her to believe that, and continue to see the MOW? Which woman will you choose when that time comes?

 

It's not "if" that time comes...but when.

 

Why should he react any differently than he has already?

[Criticality]

The married woman I've been seeing just told her husband she's been having an affair with me, and she intends to keep seeing me.

 

She also told him she doesn't want a divorce and he can either 'deal with it' or move out.

 

Why on earth would she do that? And what husband would stay in a situation like that? For the kids?

 

Appreciate your thoughts on this!

 

Probably for the same reason why married men usually stay with the wife.

 

After many years together, they might have fallen out of love, but they're still friends, close confidantes, know each other intimately, been through a lot together and make a good team.

 

She might like the sex and the rush of infatuation she gets outside of the marriage, but that doesn't mean she wants to throw the whole marriage out and start over. She's a smart woman who wants the best of both worlds.

 

As for the husband? Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he has his own on the side. Maybe he doesn't care. Or maybe he hopes that you guys will break up eventually.