messedupheart Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Ugh, ok here it goes...somewhat short version. I've been somewhat close friends with this guy for a few years and then he made me fall for him even though he has a "gf". So he wasn't treating me right but some reason I have feelings for him because of how much we've shared and our interests. I know he's wrong for me as he is a cheater... and get this, there's also another girl he's been flirting with on the side that also happens to be a mutual friend. I've tried just being friends with him, but it's so easy to go back to emotions no matter what. If I see him I automatically fall for him again, but it ends up just causing me pain and sadness... because even though he shows some feelings for me, it's only temporary and goes from hot to cold. I also question his honesty and often wonders what are his motives and that he's probably trying to use me. Yet I still linger on the good times we've shared and even our more intimate moments (we didn't ever sex but there was that tension, lol). I have a hard time letting it go and putting it behind me since it seemed like he was a big part of my life. And I wish I could stay friends with him but it just causes me too much pain since it's not the same as it was from the beginning. He's the type of guy who seems like everyone could love him and get along with well, but no one knows what I know. Recently he has gone to a 2 month business trip with "gf" and coworkers. He has yet to even make contact with me just to check up on me on FB or text. I saw that he still continued to make contact with the other girl that's a mutual friend on FB. I have since then unfriended him but he has never asked why nor am I sure he noticed. It hurt to do this and I even grieved about it but I still kind of wonder how he felt. I was hoping to get some kind of response to it but nothing. It kind of hurts that it doesn't really affect him and at the same time I wished none of this stuff affected me so much! I feel that I care more than he does and I wished that I didn't. After I had deleted him I wondered if I had made the right choice. I know it was a mixture of sadness, anger and resentment. I provided no explanation to him about why I did this. I don't know if he saw it coming or caught him off guard. After I had deleted him I tried my best to forget him and go on about my life. It's only when I see that his name still comes up on my mutual friends's posts that gets to me. Just today he commented on that other girl's posts again and every time this happens it's like a cut to the heart. Why does this bother me so much?? I don't know what to do... if I should take the extra step to block him, unfriend the girl (which I'd hate to do because she'd notice and make a huge deal about it), hide her or deactivate my FB all together or create a new account? I'm so messed up over this whole issue on my life and it's making me go out of my mind! LOL And yes, I have been trying to keep busy to get over it but the mind still lingers and then it gets sad again. I got a new job just after he went on the trip and been hanging out with friends (but not often)... but not sure what to do. It sucks that a lot of my friends also know him too so I can't really talk to most of them about it. Thoughts?
ConstantVoyager Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Ignore FB for a couple of months. Be glad you're not this cheating scum's girlfriend.
Author messedupheart Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Ignore FB for a couple of months. Be glad you're not this cheating scum's girlfriend. I am. I think I'm just thinking the good with the bad. :/ I think the only reason he made it seem enticing is because he said he had problems with his relationship but then he won't break it off. Damn being an empathic HSP. Think it's a curse sometimes.
Copelandsanity Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I am. I think I'm just thinking the good with the bad. :/ I think the only reason he made it seem enticing is because he said he had problems with his relationship but then he won't break it off. Damn being an empathic HSP. Think it's a curse sometimes. It's not just being empathic or sensitive. There is also an insecurity issue, in which you're not confident enough in yourself to realize that you deserve better than him. All of your actions are choices; they are not uncontrollable. You're being played, and he revels in it.
Author messedupheart Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 It's not just being empathic or sensitive. There is also an insecurity issue, in which you're not confident enough in yourself to realize that you deserve better than him. All of your actions are choices; they are not uncontrollable. You're being played, and he revels in it. The thing is I know I deserve better, but then why couldn't I help being drawn to him? And it did take me a while but I have unfriended him and gone NC. I just wished it wouldn't get to me as much and I wish he isn't the way he is... maybe I've tried denying myself that many times... but the quote that goes something about believing the person for who they reveal themselves to be the first time... that's what I should have done. BTW, it was he who made the first move on me, and it was my fault for not moving on since then. If he had been this way since I first had known him it wouldn't have been so hard to move on, you know? Or maybe I wouldn't have even wanted to know him. Maybe they are choices... but sometimes things just happen, the mind can be stupid sometimes.
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