So here is my story

[Alecu]

I am currently a 24 year old male. To put it bluntly I am still a virgin and I feel really bad about it. I had a million occasions to enter a relationship with girls but almost every time it felt like a lot of hard work, more like getting a second job. Now I feel so bored of talking to girls that I don't know what to do.

 

After so many attempts at this I really can't have the same enthusiasm as I used to. Most of the girls I talked to always wanted to meet my friends but most of my university friends kinda bailed out on me and usually there was always a catch and in the end they more like ruined my self esteem so I quite hanging around them.

 

It's not like I didn't have any girlfriends before but I never got really serious into it. And it mostly seemed like I mentioned earlier just hard work and nothing else. I read almost every advice on the internet but it only ruined my enthusiasm even more and self esteem.

 

Heck, I am not a bad guy. I am pretty goofy and sometimes let things slip but that's because I am bored of trying to be perfect and it's kinda funny. Plus I can't really help it, that's how I am . I also have a decent job, live on my own in my own place and I am pretty much self sustaining. This has come to me more like a curse. Why? Because all the women i have dated almost take everything for granted like they are the center of the universe.

If you appear too enthusiastic they take you for a loser. If you give to little it appears that you aren't trying enough. You almost always have to have an proper explanation in your mind for anything you say just in case they might get the wrong idea. I mean I have lived for quite a while, I have a good job, I am a bit crazy though but not too much just enough to be spontaneous and sometimes a bit childish. But that's how I am and so far I am sick of trying to be someone else and listening to every advice that you find and you end up not being your true genuine self which is by far better than anything else.

 

Can't you just have a normal talk about random stuff without any strings attached? So what if I ask a question that might seem weird as long as it's nothing personal. I have very little free time and a lot on my head and it is pretty much impossible to every situation perfect every time. It seems like I am way too nice for my own good. I don't know if it's me but most girls that I have dated don't have a clue what they want from this life and constantly need sometime to guide them. It's like raising a kid. From my experiences I found that I have to constantly remind her how to do things because shes can't handle anything by herself. Help her at university, try to comfort her when she needs it, if she is sad make her happy. What about me, what about what I like. It seems that there is no way to impose some things from my side.

 

Also you pretty much need to give up everything you love so you can be with her. If I talk about my job then she feels bad because she doesn't have a job and it seems like I discourage her from getting one. Next I tone things down and then I seem like I don't have much going in my life.

 

So how can I get my enthusiasm back? Is it wrong to talk with her like you don't give a s*** and then just let things run their normal course? How can I enjoy these things. Honestly, I wouldn't do these things even for the sake of sex.

 

I mean most girls around my age only think about going to clubs and getting laid. I don't know but there is a lot more to life than this like going out and seeing the world, learning new sports, having the courage to take a new hobby, learn something new or just find something worthwhile doing. Also, I am sick of being put down by them. Maybe here it is my own fault for not being more straightforward and maybe I need a bit more guts. I don't know, maybe be more on the edge even if it means getting her upset.

[Polak]

I am currently a 24 year old male. To put it bluntly I am still a virgin and I feel really bad about it. I had a million occasions to enter a relationship with girls but almost every time it felt like a lot of hard work, more like getting a second job.

First off, don't worry about being a virgin at age 24. That should be the least of your worries. If it feels like extra work to be in a relationship, that simply means it's not the right relationship. A great relationship should almost feel effortless, in that you will share genuine feelings for each other and will want to do things for each other without considering cost of time or effort. (That's not to say work isn't involved, because when things get sour, as tends to happen sometimes, both sides must work to work it out in order to continue the relationship.) But typically, with the right person, you will feel very at peace, happy, and not overwhelmed.

 

Heck, I am not a bad guy. I am pretty goofy and sometimes let things slip but that's because I am bored of trying to be perfect and it's kinda funny. Plus I can't really help it, that's how I am . I also have a decent job, live on my own in my own place and I am pretty much self sustaining. This has come to me more like a curse. Why? Because all the women i have dated almost take everything for granted like they are the center of the universe.

If you appear too enthusiastic they take you for a loser. If you give to little it appears that you aren't trying enough. You almost always have to have an proper explanation in your mind for anything you say just in case they might get the wrong idea. I mean I have lived for quite a while, I have a good job, I am a bit crazy though but not too much just enough to be spontaneous and sometimes a bit childish. But that's how I am and so far I am sick of trying to be someone else and listening to every advice that you find and you end up not being your true genuine self which is by far better than anything else.

Once again, with the right person, you will feel at ease and conversations will flow naturally, without attention to space or time, as weird as that may sound. You won't feel like you're subjecting yourself to any effort at all. It's just a matter of finding that person!

 

I totally agree with you about being yourself. Seems like you've got a really good head on your shoulders. Don't worry about those girls that put you down. Are they gaining something by doing it? They might even be jealous. So leave them in the dust. Being yourself is indeed the best way to go. Someone out there will certainly love everything about you, being YOU.

 

I mean most girls around my age only think about going to clubs and getting laid. I don't know but there is a lot more to life than this like going out and seeing the world, learning new sports, having the courage to take a new hobby, learn something new or just find something worthwhile doing. Also, I am sick of being put down by them. Maybe here it is my own fault for not being more straightforward and maybe I need a bit more guts. I don't know, maybe be more on the edge even if it means getting her upset.

It's a sad fact about many girls in this age range, but fortunately that doesn't apply to the majority. No doubt there is someone out there for you. There are plenty of girls that don't give 2 ****s about clubs, and would rather take part in meaningful/interesting/fun activities, and actually live their lives spontaneously.

 

It's already evident that you are pretty relaxed and carefree around people, so that's great. It's best not to be worried about finding a relationship because hey, it's not essential to survive... people just always place emphasis on it so much. Believe me, it's way more attractive for you to be confident in yourself, than trying to fulfill some expectations.