SarahJames Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 What happens when you finally move on, but while you're having sex with someone single and available, you keep thinking about your ex-MM?
Author SarahJames Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Well adjusted people don't have sex with others if they are still in love with someone else. That accomplishes nothing and is unfair for the other partner who may be ALL in. As long as you remain in love with OM you should remain single. Start dating when you have no residual feelings for OM. I just don't see that happening. The ex-MM and I ended on good terms, which makes it even harder to lose the feelings I have. I'm just hoping that this too, shall pass.
threelaurels Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 If you are still thinking about an ex during sex with someone else, you haven't really moved on. You may be with a new person, but those unresolved feelings are keeping you from being emotionally available to your new partner. You have only moved on in a physical sense. Becoming involved with someone else while you are still not over exMM is only a problem if you are not honest about it with your new partner. You need to be upfront about your emotional unavailability. You need to lay all your cards down on the table and let them decide if they are willing to get involved with you. Some people will accept your terms, some people will not, and some people will pretend they are okay with the situation but really aren't. As for the last one, there is not much you can do about it. By being upfront and honest, you have done everything right. If they can't handle your terms but get involved anyway, it's all on them. Do you work with exMM? Is there a reason you can't go NC? It is possible to get over someone on LC, but it's often very painful and difficult. If possible, going NC and cutting him out of your life completely is best. 3
nicepuzzle Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Good ending doesnt end. I am with a person and never enjoyed sex with him because exMM is always on mind. Finally I ended it badly and i am healing now and feel I finally stopped it for good and gettign close to my current man.
Author SarahJames Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 It may be noble to tell the other person you are emotionally unavailable. But, what about yourself? Why have sex with people for whom you have no romantic feelings? I understand sex for sport, but I have zero attraction for women that engage in sex for sport. Who said anything about sex being for sport? I don't think sex with someone you went on a few dates with, but aren't necessarily considering a relationship with, such a bad idea. How about sex for some sort of affection or just filling human needs? I'm not saying it was about an orgasm - but just feeling physically/emotionally close to someone...and unfortunately having someone else in mind while it was occurring.
Author SarahJames Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Sex after a few dates while still thinking of someone else is not good for you emotionally- why do you need to have sex with someone to fill whatever that void or need for connection is-you need to ask yourself those questions-you are worth more than that I hope-you need to get healthy, its a cruel world out there for women that need to be fulfilled in that way- Daddy issues? The kind that will never be resolved. I've tried.
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Using others to soothe us..is just that....using people. When is that ever right. Once we use that as a coping skill, it is easy to use it later, nice and handy. If you want sex for sex, then go for it. However, you are stating you want intimacy, and want another to stand in...as a substitution for someone else. Would you want to be used like that? Knowing all the closeness was just role playing, the touches, the ilu's, the kisses...were really the other person make believing you are someone else? Not healthy, for either party. 2
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Are you actively still thinking of your exMM sexually? And what I mean by that is, do you reminisce about him in that way? How often is he on your mind? You can't 'get over' someone if you let yourself fantasize and think of them a lot. You need to do NC in your head as well. Whether it ended in a good way or bad way, you need to stop thinking about him period! 1
MissBee Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 What happens when you finally move on, but while you're having sex with someone single and available, you keep thinking about your ex-MM? It means you haven't finally moved on in actuality.
cif Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 What happens when you finally move on, but while you're having sex with someone single and available, you keep thinking about your ex-MM? It means you're not over him yet. There's nothing wrong with having a good time with other people as long as you're honest about your motives.
goodyblue Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 SJ, only you can decide whether you are ready to have sex with another partner. If you feel you are still stuck on your xMM, that will make being emotionally available difficult. If you are just looking to wax your nob, that's one thing, but if you are looking for a full on relationship, you have to be over the last guy you dated. I know it's hard. I know it's lonely. Try to focus on yourself. Hang in there and be good to you. xx
Artie Lang Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 The ex-MM and I ended on good terms, which makes it even harder to lose the feelings I have. i feel sorry for the poor sap who you're going to string along during this purging process. then again, you'll never truly "get over" this OM.
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