Ex's birthday, I didn't contact him

[bolase]

We work together, but this week, we are working in different cities, thank goodness! I would do that (wish happy birthday) for any of my friends and workmates. I feel pretty terrible about it - not because I think that he cares about it, but because its out of character for me. I felt good on the day because i didn't respond when he has previously had power over me, and I felt he was trying to get me to acknowledge it, but now, I feel

 

We broke up 1 month ago. He never texted except to organise stuff usually, and not since we broke up in reply to me, BUT on his bday, he texted about completely unneccessary work things twice, including questions and smileys, and then when I didn't respond (I didn't need to) he followed up by email. I just replied, 'cool, thanks '

 

This breakup hit me like a ton of bricks and still hurts a lot sometimes. We are both late 20s, he dumped me after a 3 month, intense, secret workmate relationship that he initiated, because he was depressed (hes biploar, but hasnt had symptoms for year apparently) and said he had nothing to give me and he was disappointing me - because I called him distant and cynical once when he was talking about relationships. He was. Before that he said he was falling in love. I actually tried to end it because he was distant, but he wanted to continue half way through.

 

After we broke up I said a friendly game of chess was on offer, to break the ice. I actually still cared a lot and worried about his depression as hed been in bed for a week off work just before that. Big mistake. He agreed, sounded keen, then cancelled then said 'maybe we should do something one day straight after work' ie 5pm, not 7pm that I suggested, because he obviously thinks I was thinking of it romantically.

 

He was sleeping with his best friends ex before we started dating, and I see through fb that he is talking to her again.

 

He is having a party this weekend, Im not around, but it makes me anxious, especially as she is going and on Monday maybe our workmates (he invited everyone for the first time) will see stuff going on and mention it, as they don't know we dated.

 

Anyone know this feeling?

Edited October 18, 2013 by bolase

[JoelBarish]

You really have to go no contact on him here. You said he contacted you to organize things? Are you talking about work related? Or do you mean to settle things after the relationship ended? I suggest you settle up everything personal that you need to. If he contacts you work related then keep it short and polite. Block him on FB as the last thing you need to do is snoop on his personal life. It will only cause you pain. If you want to start healing right now then take my advice and go NC unless it's absolutely work related. Do not even respond to his texts unless it's work related.

 

And yes , I know how you feel. You are not alone.

[bolase]

Thanks. HE used to only really text to organise our meet ups, rather than to chat - because we see each other almost every day at work.

 

He broke it off, I told him I didnt think we were compatible (he broke it off saying he was disappointing me, I expected too much and he was depressed and couldnt give me anything mentally, blah blah - but apparently he still thought we were compatible)

 

We then didnt contact each other except for my gesture of friendly chess which he seemed to think was me trying to get him back.

 

His texts were work related on his bday this week, but they were unneccessary things hed never text about normally, so I didnt reply. I think he was trying to get me to reply to ackowledge his bday since we were in different cities. I didnt.

[Sugarkane]

Don't feel bad about not contacting on his birthday. I've never done this, but it seems everyone that does usually gets disappointed.